This jerky bloodsucker might've even been in my car yesterday. I vaguely remember a buzzing noise, but then I turned my volume up and I didn't hear anything except for Eli Young Band after that. This morning, after a mad dash to get B on the bus (Side story: The ONE day he jacks around in the morning and isn't ready when it's time to meet the bus is the ONE day the bus comes early. Luckily, she hung out and waited for a few minutes while I hauled my butt over there to stop her. When I got to work, I noticed there was mud all over the bottom of my scrubs. Awesome.), I got in my car, and resolved that I would calm down and enjoy my commute to and from work. It really is the best part of my day...
Anyway, I'm driving along, and during a brief pause, I hear buzzing. Then, the bloodsucker flies right in front of my face, and my first reaction is to swat at it. I was obviously not awake, as I slapped myself in the face. (You can laugh. I did.) Then I got mad... I saw Bart (I named him as I was planning my attack, don't judge me) hovering near where my windshield and dashboard meet, but as I tend to have T-Rex arms, I couldn't reach. Of course, I had just removed my car of all things that could double as a weapon of any kind, so at one particular stoplight, the people next to me had a delightful view of me halfheartedly trying to reach the area just outside my reach zone. It was pathetic...and they laughed, which made me laugh even though I was determined to be pissed.
I should mention, at this point, I noticed my forehead was itching. Bart had scored a point. Jerk. He was flying around, and I was driving with one hand, singing along, and swatting at the air with the other hand. I probably looked like I was dancing, alas, I'm not a "car dancer." I don't dance, but that's a story for another time... At another red light, close to where I wink at my police officer friends on a regular basis, I decided I would make my move. I sat really still, turned the music down for optimum concentration, and the only thing moving were my eyeballs as they shifted from side to side watching for a sneak attack. I knew it was coming...
All of a sudden, I saw him! He was going in for the kill, so I slapped my knee. I think I got a little too excited about my attack strategy, because I could feel my slap travel the full length of my body. At this point, Bart still isn't dead, my forehead's still itching, and now I have a bruise forming on my knee. I also realized, at this exact moment, that I had left my oatmeal AND water on the counter at home. Obviously today was a Monday posing as a Tuesday.
When I arrived at work, my forehead was red, my forearm was itching, my knee was stinging, and when I turned off the car, I could hear Bart mocking me with his buzzing. I opened the door, hoping he would fly out and battle someone else, but he had gone incognito. (Haha, get it: incognito mosquito! I'm glad I make myself laugh) I was hoping it would get hot enough for him to die a tragic death in my car, but when I got in my car after work, I was suspicious. The buzzing was louder. What if Bart was really Betty and she moonlighted as a floozy? It's possible, if not probable...because there were TWO flippin' mosquitoes in my car after work.
I drove all the way home with the windows down, and all I can say is they better not be there in the morning. I might've lost today's battle, but I'm not going down without a fight. I'm bringing a magazine and bug spray in the car with me tomorrow. This means war, and I'm not about to lose to a stinkin' bug!
Aubs
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