Starbucks syrup, a chance encounter, and Halloween chaos

One of my favorite things at Starbucks is the Caramel Apple Spice.  They've called it a variety of things over the years, but it has caramel and apple cider and whipped cream and cinnamon.  Um, it's pretty much delicious, and an excellent non-coffee option for those who dislike coffee or want a decaffeinated option.

The problem with its wild popularity is that more often than not, they run out of apple juice/cider and are unable to make it.  There's nothing worse than walking into a Starbucks, anticipating a delicious beverage, only to find out that they're out of the main ingredient.  On Saturday, the guy behind the counter said, "Um, is there any other way we can make it?"  Really?  Just think about that for a second.  If you're out of apple juice/cider, what would you use as a substitute?  It was a sad afternoon.  I know, first world problems, right?

Anyway, I discovered the recipe while I was semi-bored this morning, and stopped by Starbucks on my way home from running to Target/Costco to pick up a bottle.  I'm so excited to try the recipe...it was just not in the cards for today.  The guy at Starbucks wasn't sure he was allowed to sell me the syrup, until I told him what I was buying it for.  Really?  I don't think it's any kind of controlled substance, although maybe it should be.  That stuff is super.  I can't wait to make Cinnamon Dolce Lattes out of this stuff too!

On the way home from Starbucks, I was driving past Subway, and (on a whim) I decided to stop for a sandwich.  I was super-hungry, and I made a split decision.  When I pulled up, I was belting some "You'll Think of Me" by Keith Urban, and caught the eye of a man leaving Subway.  I gave him a smile, since he totally caught me mid-belt, and went inside.  He got in the car next to me, and as I was walking up to order, I looked out and he was still sitting there, staring inside.  I ordered my sandwich, paid, and started to walk out...just as he was starting to pull out of his parking spot, all the while, still peering in the store.  I got the giggles then, obviously because I'm incredibly mature.  I held the door open for someone as I was walking out and glanced in his direction.  He was stopped in the middle of the parking lot, pretending not to look, but totally looking.  I gave him another smile, and he started to drive off.

When he got to the corner of the parking lot, he stopped and looked over again.  At this point, I was laughing, but also kinda flattered...once I made sure I wasn't the victim of a wardrobe malfunction.  He went one direction, and I went the other, but when I got to my exit and looked to the left to check traffic before I turned on a one way street, I saw him pulled up to the light a hundred yards away...looking towards my car.  It's the little things, I guess, but it totally made my day.  And he was cute, y'all.  It was totally weird, being the subject of someone's stares, because that doesn't normally happen unless I'm doing something ridiculous or causing a ruckus.  I'm known for both of those from time to time.

After the boys got home and homework was completed, N decided he really didn't want to wear a costume, so we returned that thing and B was the only one in costume.  We hit a church fall festival for about 20 minutes, then did a street and a half before their pumpkins were full.  Once we got out there, it was easy, but the prep work prior to was exhausting.  B was "dying hot" as soon as he put on his costume, which was super thin.  He was just so excited that he couldn't be still.  THEN he said it was choking him and started making himself cough.  It went up slightly higher than the collar of a t-shirt.  He's nuts.  I know he was super excited though because last year, he wasn't able to go collect candy from the neighborhood.  He "accidentally" wrote all over his teacher's property...twice, and was grounded.  N was kind enough to share his haul with him, so he wasn't completely left out, but he didn't get to use his costume or anything last year.

It was nuts, but they had fun, and actually got along pretty well.  They didn't even try to dive into their treats tonight, so I'm hoping for a decent morning tomorrow.  Yeah, I know...but a girl can dream, can't she?

Aubs

                                                ARF Trooper: That's as still as he was all night.

 

 

 N just went for an "I'm wearing normal clothes, taking my little brother" approach.  It worked.

                                         My T-Rex arms barely reach far enough to get us all...

Light the Night Walk

My mom was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma in 2008.  She started treatment shortly after she received her diagnosis, and had a stem cell transplant in October of 2009.  My sister and I were fortunate enough to be able to be there with her during this process.  It was so incredible to be able to give back to her by "mom-ing" her for a change.

She achieved good results from her transplant, and began to rebuild her immune system...and her hair.  The entire time she was going through treatment, my mom maintained the most positive attitude.  Even now, I'm in awe of how she always managed to look past the treatment and the "hard" stuff, and could just focus on how it would be once her life (and body) were back on track.

Three years later, we noticed her numbers started to decline or elevate depending on which numbers we were looking at.  Either way, they were going in the opposite direction of where they needed to be, and we knew that meant another round of treatment.  Even though she had great success with the transplant, she wanted to try something less invasive to her body and her life.

This year, she began doing injections of another kind of chemo, one that has minimal side effects, and it's been going really well.  Her numbers are back within normal limits, and she's feeling great.  She's still active and hasn't felt any of the potential side effects.  I'm so happy for her.

From the time of her diagnosis, the people she works with have been incredibly supportive; setting up a meal schedule for my sister and myself (my mom had absolutely no appetite the first time around), sending cards, coming to visit when she felt up to it, and never letting her forget that they had her back.  When she started treatment again this year, they showed up.  They never let her feel like she was alone.

In fact, they started doing the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Light the Night Walk in her honor.  They raised money for team Re:Joyce, a team name that is entirely appropriate since it was the subject of many an email inquiring about my mother and her progress.  Re:Joyce has participated in several events and even been represented in other regions of the United States.

This year, my boys and I were able to attend the event.  It was on a Sunday, so we didn't get to stay for the entire thing, but I know it meant a lot to my mom to have us there.  To walk around, seeing the different groups of people who have been touched in some way by one of these diseases is heartbreaking but also encouraging.

It's not a cancer group that gets a lot of attention...but there are advances in progress all the time.  I'm grateful that there is a seemingly constant feed of new information, because I'm anxiously awaiting a cure.  Multiple Myeloma is even less common, but there is still progress.  In the 90s, the 5 year survival rate was around 12%.  In 2012, it's around 40%.  That's huge progress! 

I know my mom is bummed that she relapsed so shortly after finishing her treatment.  Multiple Myeloma never fully goes away; it just lies dormant and (for lack of a better word) festers or smolders until it's ready to attack again.  Although my mom is responding really well to this line of treatment, it may not pack as much of a punch if she tries it again next time...and the sad thing is, until more progress is made, there will always be a "next time."  She doesn't let it get her down though.  Her positivity is a source of strength to all that know her.

I'm so proud of her and the courage that it takes to fight a disease that never gives up.  I pray that nobody else has to battle this disease, and if they do, it is short-lived because a cure has been developed.  As for my mom, she will keep fighting, and our family will be there right alongside her...because that's what families do.

Aubs

 My mom, N, my grandmother, B, and me at the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Light the Night Walk in Dallas October 28.  It was such a great experience...I can't wait to get more involved next year!

A rock and a hard place

Have you ever felt that way?  I can't think of anyone who hasn't...  And, to be honest, I've been between many a rock and a hard place in my life, but they all pale in comparison to where I am right at this moment.

I've been in situations as a parent where I really hate the decisions I have to make, but I know why I have to make them.  Sometimes, you have to be the bad guy.  Sometimes you have to hear the hurtful words your kids yell out in anger because they're frustrated, upset, or they just don't understand.  You can't always save the day, can't always be the hero, can't always be the good guy.

There are situations where you're forced to make a choice in a relationship: where you know things aren't going anywhere or they aren't going the way you know you need them to go.  It's probably one of the reasons why I don't date; I don't want to risk wasting my time or effort.  I know that's a really bad reason, but at this point, I'll take bad reasoning over pointless any day of the week.

Truth be told, I don't really want to date anyone.  That's not a priority in my life right now.  I don't like being alone in the parenting world all the time, and sometimes (like tonight) I'd kill for someone to back me up with my boys, but I'll take parenting alone over the potential cost of having someone else in my corner anytime. 

My boys are my priority.  School is my priority.  Finding a job I can enjoy while putting my boys and school first is a total priority...and where I'm at right now, isn't working.  I'm at the point where I literally hate going to work; where I almost hope one of my kids gets sick or I'm sick myself, so I don't have to go.  Their bus has started coming later in the morning, so I barely make it to work on time.  In fact, I'm usually a few minutes late.  I've mentioned that there has been a change in the bus schedule, but they either don't listen or don't care.

There's a policy that is sometimes enforced, where if you're late, they will send you home for the day.  They never enforce it with me, and it frustrates me.  There's another policy where, if they see your cell phone out, they will either confiscate it for the day or send you home.  Since I have children, they would have to pry it from my cold, dead fingers...yes, their school has my work number, but they always call my cell first, and I'm not about to miss something of importance because I'm not "allowed" to have my phone.  It's silly.  I'm a grown woman.

Sorry for the rant...but a good friend tonight totally hit the nail on the head when she said I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.  I really am.  And my kids are starting to feel it too.  It doesn't take much to irritate me or frustrate me any given day during the week.  The first few days B's back from his dad's house, it's amplified.  The days N forgets part of his homework or we have practice, it's amplified that much more.  The days I have school deadlines, it's even worse.  We have a hectic and chaotic household...and it works for us most of the time.  It would work a whole lot better if I enjoyed my job.

 It would work a whole lot better if mom was happier because the saying is entirely true:  If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

Aubs

The lazy day that wasn't

Last night, after calming my kid down and explaining repeatedly that he was not to blame; that his dad is a grown-up and can build a bridge and get over it, we sat down to finish the classic we had begun Saturday morning.  And when I say "classic" it can only mean one thing: Field of Dreams.

My little baseball player had never seen the greatness of Field of Dreams until yesterday.  How did this even happen?  After it was over, he said "I can't believe you made me watch a hippie movie."  It still makes me laugh.  He did, however, have a lot of questions.  We talked about how each of the main guys had a dream that was fulfilled with that field, but tonight (when he was supposed to be in bed already) he asked what John Kinsella's dream was because it was never clearly defined.  I have to give the boy a lot of credit.  He really absorbs things and asks questions most wouldn't even think to ask.

We got up this morning and went to church, then went to IHOP which was totally his choice and not mine.  Actually, we went to two because the first one had a 90 minute wait.  Really?  For two?  Insane.  N ate at lightning speed, and we went home to finish reading a book for school (him) and to do laundry (me).  After I fell asleep for literally 10 minutes, it was time to go again.

We went to pick B up for a few hours for the Light the Night walk (which will probably be the topic of tomorrow's post) with my mom and grandmother  Since I normally do the Relay for Life, both boys were not so much on board, thinking it was 12-24 hours instead of the 4 it actually was.  There was a bounce house with a basketball and hoop, as well as a huge inflatable slide.  I didn't see B for a couple of hours, but as the sun went down, it started to get cooler and I rounded them up to take them back home.

After N and I got home from dropping B off, I realized how exhausted I was and how I still hadn't accomplished much of anything.  I hate days like that.  In fact, I was already in bed, getting ready to float into dreamland, when I realized I hadn't posted.  Whoops!  If I could have a "do over" of today, I would still do all of the things we did today, but I'd make more time for resting.  This weekend flew by entirely too fast, and we didn't really even do much. 

B comes home tomorrow, so this next week will be an adventure.  Baseball season wraps up this week, unless we make the playoffs.  Oh, and Halloween is on Wednesday.  Guess who hasn't gotten her boys costumes yet, and is still arguing with the oldest on the validity of wearing a hockey mask with regular clothes.  I don't "do" scary costumes.  I'm the meanest.  Ever.  Like that's news...oh well, at least I'm keeping my streak alive.

Aubs

When a kid gets stuck in the middle

With my boys, I try very hard not to put them in the middle, not to make it to where they have to choose which parent they want to go with or be with at any particular time.  It doesn't always work out that way, but I try.  It's always been much more of an issue with B than it has with N, mostly I think because when B's dad and I split up, he was already 4 and noticed the difference.

It was N and me from the very beginning until I started working nights at a local hospital.  When that happened, he spent a lot more time with his dad.  For almost a year, he spent the majority of his time with his dad and a major minority with me.  If you've ever worked deep nights at a hospital, you'll know what I mean.  When your days and nights are reversed, it seems like you can never get caught up on your sleep...and while I wanted to spend time with N every single day, there isn't a lot of quality time to spend when you feel like a zombie.  I guess face time each day is more important than not, but it didn't always happen.  It's a year that I regret.

Going forward from that time, I made it a point to spend time with him on a daily basis.  He came back to live with me (pretty much full time since his dad only had one day off a week) when he was 2 1/2, and he's been with me ever since.  Now that he's 10, I can honestly say it's been a pretty chaotic 8 years or N so, but he and I have always made it through together.

His dad and I have known each other since we were teenagers, and it's pretty accurate to say that we each know how to push each others' buttons.  It doesn't happen often, but when it does...watch out!  We've gone without incident for a quite a lengthy period of time, but today it just exploded.

N has always been free to go to his dad's every weekend if that's what he chooses to do.  Since his dad is usually only off on Sunday, I have no problem with that unless we have something that we planned like a trip to Houston or a family thing.  Very rarely, maybe one weekend a month, I keep N with me, but it's more like maybe once every six weeks or so.  His dad was originally the one who started giving him the choice, while I said he was too young to be given the power to choose where he went and who he spent time with.  It worked to his advantage at the time, so I get why he was adamant...

Until it backfired.  Like every weekend for the last two months, N had a baseball game today.  Usually, he goes to the game with me and then goes to his dad's following the game.  They hang out for the evening, go to church the following morning, and then he comes home sometime in the afternoon/evening.  I thought that was the plan for tonight, but N approached me after the game to see if a friend could spend the night.  I asked him if he was sure he didn't want to go to his dad's, but he said he wanted to stay with me.  I'm not going to force him to go if he doesn't want to; both of my kids know that they're always welcome here.  Long story short(ish), his friend had a lacrosse game (match?) tomorrow and had been up super early for one today, so they had to pass.  I, again, offered him the option of going to his dad's, but he said he wanted to stay.  Fine with me.

Not so fine with his dad.  He called and started a fight, whether he meant to or not, and put N in the middle.  He had N playing messenger, which I hate.  If that wasn't bad enough, he told N he was going to spend the night over there tonight and not here, and when N protested, his dad kept telling him to say "Yes, Sir." instead.  Essentially, he was being a bully in my opinion.  Mama bears do NOT like it when anyone bullies their kids into something they don't want to do, especially when it's the Papa bear.

He came to my apartment, just as I knew he would.  I sent N to the shower and told him to go about his business, that I would take care of it.  Part of his argument for staying here is that he has homework to finish, and it's hard to focus over at his dad's with a 3 month old.  I don't blame him.  Anyway, his dad pulled up and I was outside, checking the mail.  I told him N was staying, that he wanted to stay and he said N didn't have a choice.  I pointed out that he was the one who gave N a choice at the beginning and it wasn't up to him to dictate when N was allowed to choose.  He ignored me.

He took his infant out of his truck and followed me up the stairs.  He followed me inside, and stood there defiantly with his arms crossed over his chest, saying he wasn't leaving unless N was with him.  I asked him repeatedly to get out of my home and he refused.  You can probably imagine my frustration at this point.  He cornered my son and told him to get his stuff together.  N argued with him, saying he didn't want to; he wanted to stay with me.  I don't ever condone arguing with an adult, but at this particular point, I felt the adult was in the wrong and I'm proud of N for standing up for himself.  He was respectful and polite, but adamant that he didn't want to go.

After what felt like an extremely long time, he finally left.  He was rude and distasteful, bringing up things to attack my character in front of our 10 year old, who will never forget tonight happened.  As he left, he kept alluding to the fact that I am a liar and do not stand by my word, while you can take everything he says "to the bank...because it's money."  I have an issue with this, and I have an issue with my son collapsing into my arms and bursting into tears because he felt like this was all his fault.

Because it wasn't.  Not one bit of it.  He goes to his dad's every single weekend.  Once in a while, he stays with me.  Just because he's with me all week for school does not mean we get the quality time we are able to enjoy on the weekends, and we had a great day together today...until 7:30 this evening. 

I kept telling him that he wasn't the cause of this situation, that sometimes adults disagree.  It has nothing to do with him, and everything to do with the fact that people aren't all the same.  If they were, the world would be boring.  He has two parents, and at the end of the day, we both want what's best for him...even if we're not always in agreement on what that is.  I worry that he will be punished for his choice to stay with his mom instead of going to hang out with his dad.  I know that hurt his dad's feelings, even if he won't admit it.  N is caring and compassionate, kind-hearted old soul, and I think one of the reasons that he was so upset was because he knew he had hurt his dad's feelings.

I never ever discourage N from going to his dad's.  In fact, I'm usually the one telling him it's cool if he goes.  I love the weeks where both N and B are with me, but there's something extra special about the weeks where it's just the two of us.  He is my son, and I am his mother, but we're friends too.  We hang out and talk about everything, and it's just our normal.  I love our time together, and it warms my heart that he loves it enough to choose to hang out with me every once in a while...

Aubs

                                   P.S. He played catcher for 2 out of 4 innings, and he did a great job!

Where did that come from?

Well, folks...it finally happened. For once in my life, I actually thought about my words before I spoke. And it turns out, I didn't even speak. I just kept my mouth shut and stewed silently.

I know. I'm just as shocked as you are. Have no fear though, it was short-lived. When my "boss" asked me if I wanted to join a big group of my co-workers at Screams tonight (waaaaaaaay after the fact, mind you), I declined. When he questioned it, I said, "I see enough of y'all during the week. Anything after 2:00 pm is my time, and I choose my kids." Whoops! Only, not really whoops. It got several laughs, and it took a minute or two for others to piece that one together. I'm still laughing about it, actually.

N and I hit Redbox and the soda aisle at Market Street, then spent a good 10 minutes debating over selections on the ice cream aisle. We ended up with little containers of Homemade Vanilla, Butter Crunch, Pistachio Almond, and Strawberries & Homemade Vanilla. He enjoyed a Sunkist float tonight for his Friday treat, while I enjoyed a Big Red Zero. We live it up around here.

He turned on Battleship (his Redbox choice) but I was entertaining his baby brother (E came to visit for a few hours again) and then reading my Kindle after he left. Yes, I should've been doing my homework, but eating stew and reading a mindless novel was much more appealing. Besides, there's always tomorrow...

Speaking of tomorrow, it is my goal in life to buy N new shoes tomorrow. He was thrilled about this announcement tonight, and I was reminded how nice it is when it's just the two of us...you know, when he's not having an attitude. I realize these "non-attitude" moments will become fewer and further between as he gets older, so I really cherish them when they come along. They seem to coincide with the times where he's getting something out of the deal. Shocker.

I listened to the Eli Young Band the entire way to work, and I can honestly say I adore them. They really know how to capture bits and pieces of everyone with their music. It was a relatively happy commute today. OH! Creeper alert: I was on the phone with a patient today and as I was finishing entering my notes while he was on the phone, he said to hold on a minute while he rubbed himself dry. He then proceeded to start moaning and groaning and panting. I was horrified! He came back on the phone, apologized for taking so long and THEN started saying I sounded sexy and he bet I was beautiful and THEN started to talk about entirely inappropriate things in a very detailed manner. I told him I had to go, and hung up. That ranked pretty high on my creep factor, but (sadly) it wasn't the highest. I did feel compelled to take a shower.

In an unrelated event a couple of hours later, one of my youngish (creeplike) co-workers looked at me, winked, and licked his lips, and it took all of my self-restraint to not kick him. Obviously, I'm entirely mature. And I really don't get why this always happens to me.

On that note, I'm going to cuddle under my covers with the windows open and enjoy this weather while it lasts. And tomorrow, I'm going to enjoy my kid-free night, followed by the Light the Night walk on Sunday with my family because that's what matters. And by "enjoy my kid-free night" I really mean, I'll more than likely be bored out of my mind in three hours or less....because that's usually how it works.

Aubs

Reflection

I know this might come as a shock to some, but I'm a bit of an over-achiever.  I can't just do a simple task and be done with it.  I have to "one-up" myself in some way.  I'm not really sure why...but I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that I'm a first born, and I'm sure that also has something to do with the fact that I'm a bottler of emotion.

Today, I came home with the intent to make beef stew since the weather was getting colder, and by colder I mean my car said "82" when I left work at 2:00 this afternoon and by the time I got home, the outside temp was "68."  It was awesome.  I opened all the windows and the balcony door, and just let the cool breeze do its thing.

As I was compiling the ingredients, I realized I was out of beef stock, and I didn't have any bouillon to make some, so when N got home from school, I bribed him with a smoothie from Market Street.  Worked.  Like.  A.  Charm.  File that one away for future use.  We came back home and I got down to business.  That should have been it, right?

Wrong.  N said he really wasn't feeling beef stew, and I would typically say "So?  Deal with it." but I'm trying really hard to be a little more open and understanding.  I know he's going through a lot.  We agreed on baked potatoes, so as I was scrubbing the potatoes and pre-heating the oven, I thought about potato soup.  So, I made some of that too.

I unintentionally doubled the recipe because the potatoes and onions were huge, so I took my fair share and (on a whim) decided to take lunch to some of my favorite co-workers tomorrow.  It will be the perfect fall-ish day lunch, and I'm happy to be able to do that for them.  There's no way I would ever be able to eat that much on my own.  The boys don't eat it...so that's that.

As I was washing dishes, loading the dishwasher, and wiping down the counters, I had a "moment."  Why do I always feel so compelled to do more than my fair share?  I wish I knew.  It all comes back to how I know I need to slow down and just enjoy my life, but I'm still not sure how to do that.  Again, I wish I knew.

Today, I was blessed with the opportunity to talk to not one, but two of my friends that I don't talk to frequently.  It's always fun to catch up, and I know (with at least one of them) I always have a captive audience.  It doesn't matter how much time passes between our "catch-up" sessions, and I love that I'm able to have that kind of relationship with certain people.

I've been fortunate in all the various stages of my life to have people that I can really talk to and always count on.  I know that doesn't happen to everyone, and it doesn't go unnoticed.  I need to work harder on making sure they know how much I appreciate them and their unwavering support and love.  Everyone should do that.

This morning, I took a somewhat unwanted trip down memory lane.  Don't get me wrong, I love those little memories that make me smile no matter what the situation, but I don't particularly love them when I'm doing my best to close a chapter.  Lucky for me, I'm dang versatile and I don't let things get to me as much anymore.  I'm still able to smile and move on.  Sort of.  It was a girly kind of morning, and my commute included Carrie Underwood, Deana Carter, and the Dixie Chicks. 

I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings...or (hopefully) what it won't.

Aubs

Bullies

Everyone gets bullied in some way at some point in their lives.  It's just a fact.  It happens, and it doesn't matter if you're 8 or 18, it sucks.  It hurts, even if you know it isn't true.

My son is one of the sweetest, most compassionate kids I know.  I realize I'm his mom so I might be slightly biased, but he really is.  He's caring and respectful, and always does his best to be a good example.  And he's being bullied.

Starting at a new school sucks no matter what age you are.  I've been there...as a kid, I moved every four years or so.  I was the new kid in 3rd grade, in 6th grade (twice, and as a Sophomore in high school.  It was hard being the new kid, but I'd say 5th grade was the worst for me, and now it seems like it's the worst for him too.  It breaks my heart.

He's having a hard time making friends.  He tries to play basketball or football with the boys in his grade, but he's always picked last.  They say he stinks, but he practices all the time, and he does well...nobody gives him the ball to prove it.  When they work in partners, he's always the last chosen, or he gets paired up with whomever is left over.  My heart breaks for him when he finally tells me this stuff, but it takes a lot to get it out of him.  He's a bottler by nature, just like both of his parents.  It's not a good thing.

The stress and responsibility of actually HAVING responsibilities is a new experience, too.  Last year was a total walk in the park for him because the school literally had ZERO expectations.  He's getting a taste of what it will be like as he progresses in school, and it's stressing him out.  Add the bullying and loneliness, and you have a kid time bomb waiting to explode.

He did...in a pretty stunning display of disrespect and hurt.  When I finally got him to calm down and actually talk to me, it all came pouring out.  My boy feels like he's alone, and he's not.  So, I told him about how I was bullied in 5th grade by a group of boys and then by my best friend's other friend.  It was less than pleasant, but at the time, it was devastating.  N had tears running down his cheeks as he was begging me not to have to tell the things he's called, and I felt (and still feel) completely helpless.

I told him we have to have open communication from now on, and we talked about different ways he could change things.  I told him to try to talk to people, not just wait for them to ask him.  I told him to find some other kids to play with at recess, or pick some people he doesn't know as well.  You never know...someone may want to be friends with you, but aren't sure how to approach you either. 

I'm open to suggestions, because I'm really at a loss.  I told him if it continues to get any worse, that I will get other adults involved.  I want him to try to handle things on his own because I feel it will help him to recognize other kids who are bullied and he'll be able to step up and tell them they aren't alone.  I hate to use my own kid as an example, but he has such a great heart...I know he would step in anyway.  I feel so helpless, watching him try to fight his own battles, wanting desperately to jump in and shield him from this pain.  But I can't.  I know it wouldn't help.  I know this will, but that doesn't mean that it'll be easy.

Bullies suck.  Profound, right?

Aubs

                         (I know...I'm going all "mom" again, but how could anyone bully this kid?)

Baseball Moms

This is N's first season playing organized baseball, and I have to say...it's done him a world of good.  It's not just getting him involved in the game he adores, but the boys on his team are such great boys.  They joke around and cheer each other on, and always have a good time.  They play well together, and they work really hard.  He's found some really great teammates and some amazing friends.

Then, there's his coach.  I can't say enough good things about this man.  Because of him, N (and his teammates) have truly learned the game of baseball.  He takes the time to get to know each kid, his strengths and weaknesses, and he listens to them when they tell him what position they're "DYING" to play.  He may not always agree, but he's always willing to let them try.  He breaks down the fundamentals to where everyone gets it on their own personal level, and he's always encouraging in his praise and instruction.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again...  There are those who should play, there are those who should coach, and every once in a while, you come across someone who should play and coach.  He is a coach through and through.  He has a love for the game that is obvious in all that he does.  He takes the time to mold these boys into the best players they can be, pushing them to achieve the things he knows they can before they realize they're capable.  I think we've been spoiled this season.  I'm kind of afraid of what's going to happen during the draft in February...

And then, there are the baseball moms.  I knew from the get-go that I would be a baseball mom.  I go to every practice, and I've gotten to know most of the ladies who these other little boys call "mom."  There's always that one in every group that refuses to be social, but the rest of us talk our way through practices and games and cheer everyone on.  It's comfortable, and these ladies are some of the most down-to-earth women I've ever met.

N's "best friend" on the team is also an "N" and it just so happens that his family lives in a house that once belonged to someone in my family, so I knew we'd be friends. She has four kids, and I don't know how she does it...because I struggle with the two that I have.  One of the other moms has the most adorable little girl, who wants so badly to play ball like her big brother, but she can't get her pink glove to close around the ball, and she gets so mad!  Another mom has boys on both of our coach's teams and is always there...working the scoreboard or helping out, giving all of the other moms handy tips.  Who knew you could use regular old Listerine as a mosquito repellent?!  I had an opportunity to talk to another mom tonight.  She's somewhat recently divorced and is such an amazing Christian woman.  We talked for quite a while tonight, and I'm just in awe of how strong and solid she is in her faith.  I aspire to be like that.  (Her son was cracking me up tonight, singing "Blinded by the Light" while staring up at the lights surrounding the field.) 

Tonight, while talking to these great ladies, another one mentioned something about how her son would be going back to see his mom back east soon.  As she kept talking, I found out that she and her husband (whom I took to be this boy's parents) are actually his aunt and uncle.  His mom, a single parent like myself, had just taken a very time-consuming job and didn't want his childhood to suffer, so her baby brother and his wife stepped up and took him under their wing...from the east coast to Texas.  My heart skipped a beat when I learned how selfless these two people are, jumping headfirst into the parenting game with a 5th grader, going "0 to 80 overnight" as she described it.  They are loving and caring and treat this boy as they would their own child.  I'm in awe of both of them.

Aside from the mom who doesn't talk to us and the coach's wife (who was pulling double duty at basketball practice; their sons play three sports at a time I think), we were missing our honorary team mom.  She does what I would be doing, had she not stepped up first.  We're working together, organizing a special something to show our gratitude to an amazing coach and to thank our boys for being such great team players.  I honestly couldn't ask for a better group of ladies and a better group of boys.  The dads are super-involved and always there too.  It's just how things should be; you put aside your differences and you show up to support your kids and their dreams.  I'll miss them when the season's over, but I'm sure we'll still see each other...and hey, there's always a chance we'll be together again in the spring!

Aubs

Productivity

I felt compelled to make up for "lost" time yesterday, so when I got home from the longest 6 hours of my life today, I kicked it into high gear.

In 90 minutes, I had done the following:

- Assembled the chili in the crockpot
- Made a batch of homemade banana bread (with walnuts for those who wonder)
- Made a batch of homemade cornbread
- Washed a load of laundry and put it in the dryer
- Put another load of laundry in the washer
- Emptied the dishwasher
- Loaded the dishwasher and started it again

Then, I went and picked my biggest boy up from school, we ran by the store to get a few things that we used up over the weekend, and headed home to do homework.  Can I just say that I wish I had 5th grade math homework, and that it was my hardest subject?  I would totally be a rockstar.

Also, N forgot his math book, which is a huge problem since his homework was out of the book.  As we were driving through the maze of apartments, I saw two of the boys from his class, so I stopped and asked one of them if I could borrow his math book for 10 minutes.  He scampered off to get it while the other yelled after him, "Her hair isn't black...it's brown!"  (Apparently I'm a topic of conversation.  Who knew?) 

Oh, I forgot.  N and I also had to purchase a basketball sized pumpkin for a buddy math project he's working on with a 2nd grader.  This essentially means I "get" to be late for work tomorrow because he can't take it on the bus, and the school doesn't open for students until 7:30.  I'm not complaining in the slightest, trust me.

As we walked home from returning the math book, we saw this metal-ish looking ball object.  N picked it up because he thought it was cool, and I took it from him to drop-kick it because I have mad skills and (usually) always connect.  I did...with my ankle.  Now I have a knot/bruise forming to match the bruise on my other ankle from playing catcher in my scrubs without any kind of protective gear.  You'd think I'd learn, but what's the fun in that?  I have also since discovered bruising on my right knee, left thigh, and both shins.  I'm guessing they all came from baseball...unless some of the shin bruising came from my desk at work...you know, before I switched desks again. 

It rained for a few minutes today, just after 2:00.  Coincidentally, Jacob Logan's funeral was at 2:00 this afternoon.  Perhaps it wasn't a coincidence.  I like to think it was Jacob showering his love down on his family and friends, and even if that wasn't what it was, it's what I'm going with.

Here's hoping the rest of this week isn't like today, or I might end up in the looney bin!  As it is, it's not even 9:00, and I'm already washing my face and brushing my teeth for bed. 

Aubs

What I didn't do today...

I didn't go grocery shopping because I did all of that earlier in the week.  I had no desire to join the hundreds of people who think it's a good idea to go grocery shopping during the Cowboys game in hopes that the stores will be less crowded.  Newsflash: The Cowboys are awful this year, just like they have been for the past 5+ years.  It's not changing anytime soon, so lots of people use this logic, which makes the stores even more crowded.

I didn't cook anything.  At all.  Breakfast, lunch, and dinner were all things that I had either already made or required minimal prep.  B ate muffins, a nutri-grain bar, mandarin oranges, and apples/pears for dinner, and I didn't even feel the slightest bit guilty. 

I didn't do laundry.  I got all of our laundry done during the week, in hopes that I would be able to have at least one day of doing nothing this weekend.  I was (mostly) successful. 

I didn't watch television.  I have a ton of shows that I "need" to catch up on, but I just wasn't interested in that today.  It was amazing.

I didn't sleep in.  I was really hoping that this would happen, but B was up by 8:15, and after he came in to tell me "good morning" there was no point in going back to sleep.  He had a blast not fighting with his brother over which cartoons they were going to watch, but it was short-lived.

I didn't have both of my boys.  After his baseball game and dinner with my sister, N went to his dad's house.  I really love having both boys home, but I don't love the arguing and fighting that's unavoidable with siblings.  It was really nice to have some one-on-one time with B today, and I'll have a whole week of that with N this week when B goes to his dad's.

I didn't get out of bed until after noon.  Well, that's not entirely true.  I got out of bed, made it, made sure B was all set with breakfast, and then flopped across my (made) bed for the better part of the day.  I spent time catching up on books on my Kindle, and avoiding my midterm that was due at midnight tonight.

I didn't stay inside all day.  Originally, that was the plan, but B really wanted to ride his scooter outside, so we went out for a little while.  It was ridiculously hot, WAY hotter than it should be towards the end of October, so he was done in less than an hour.  I did, however, chase him all over the grass next to our apartment, tackling him and tickling him into a fit of giggles.  He laughs like a chipmunk.  It's impossible not to smile.

I didn't talk on the phone...except for a phone call from my mom, a phone call from N, and a phone call to my dad.  My phone was free from text messages too, and it was blissfully quiet, except for the giggles from the living room this morning.

I didn't have to entertain B.  Normally he has to be in someone's face every single second, demanding attention, but today he played with his cars, and worked on his reading, and played the Wii.  He drew, and ran over to me every 20 minutes or so for a hug.  I caught his eye a few times through the doorway and we made silly faces and blew kisses.  It was just relaxing.

I didn't drink anything with caffeine, which I try not to do anyway, so hopefully I'll fall asleep early tonight.  I just have to make sure I stay up later than these two boys I STILL hear talking, 45 minutes after their bedtime.  I refuse to be a grump today, so I hope they fall asleep.  This mom isn't in the yelling, angry kind of mood today.  I'm mellow, and if you know me, you know that's weird.

Aubs

Baseball & a surprise guest

After a pretty solid afternoon of cleaning and re-organizing on Friday, the three of us just wanted to relax, so we opted for a movie night.  B's current favorite is The Hunger Games, but N hasn't seen the movie in its entirety.  B fell asleep about 45 minutes into it, so it was just me and my biggest guy watching. 

After it was over, he told me he thought it was pretty violent, but that it was a good movie aside from that.  I told him it was just the beginning, and I wondered what the second and third movies would be like.  He asked me if I'd get him the books so he could read them.  My boy likes to read, and I'm so thrilled with that, but never has he asked me to buy him a series...well, except for the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series.  I think they would be fun to read together, so even though I have them on my Kindle, I may have to go ahead and buy him "real" copies too.

This morning we got up, and the plan was for all of us to be productive and help each other finish cleaning up so we could all just relax.  See, they have this idea in their heads that their mom gets to just relax and do whatever all the time...and that they never get a break.  I laughed when I heard that one.  I bit the bullet though and cleaned the apartment from top to bottom, with the windows open all day.  It was awesome.  Then, it was time for BASEBALL!!!

We got to the ball fields and got "baseball ready" pretty fast.  It was a fun game to watch, especially because we won.  The final score was 14-2, and all of our boys did well.  The umps were hilarious, making all sorts of ridiculous movements to call strikes, balls, and outs.  Even the boys in the dugout were like, "What is he doing?"  N was disappointed because the coach always puts him at first base and he wants to pitch or catch.  I told him not to be disappointed...the coach puts him at first because he can count on him to make the plays.  He's great at first base, but I know he wants to be a more diverse player.

He's always talked about being a pitcher, but now he's really interested in catching.  I've tried to talk him out of it, but he's pretty determined.  We'll see.  I think he would be a great catcher; he's built for it for sure, but I wonder how much of this new found decision is because he didn't get to pitch today and he thought he was going to get the opportunity.

My sister was in town for the weekend, and she surprised the boys at the game.  She and her husband were supposed to come a few weeks ago, but the game was rained out, so we were all pretty bummed.  Between the baseball game and the score updates on the TTU/TCU game (Wreck 'Em!), it was quite the afternoon.  Seester, the boys, my mom, and I went to dinner after the game, and those three...they never disappoint.  The boys were out of control; N hyped up on his win, and B just hyped up in general.  My sister doesn't have kids, and I think my boys are really good (constant) reminders of why that is a good choice for her.  They love each other though, and the boys are always so excited to see both my sister and brother-in-law.  I wish he'd made the trip too.

I know I'll see her again in a couple of weeks, and then a couple of weeks after that too for Thanksgiving, but I miss her a lot.  I miss spending time with her and with my dad.  I'm so fortunate that I get to see my mom on a pretty regular basis, but I miss those people of mine down in Houston.  I'm old enough to realize that there aren't any guarantees in life, and that I never know when I'll see those I love for the last time.  This week has put that in perspective, but it's something I think about from time to time, especially where my parents are concerned.  Just another worry to add to my list, but for now, this girl is ready to curl up in bed and completely check out for the night!

Aubs

Recap

I was just (selfishly) thinking what a long week this has been...and then I was horrified with myself.  Yes, this week has been long and trying and emotionally draining, but my week can't even remotely compare to the weeks of two families in my community.

Jacob Logan went to celebrate a friend's birthday at a local lake last weekend.  On Sunday afternoon, he jumped off a cliff into the water below for the first time.  Before he jumped, he said something to the effect of, "If God wants to take me, then he'll take me." and those words were his last.  I don't know the family personally, but I've heard a lot through the grapevine.  I usually take everything I hear with a grain of salt, but all I've heard is what a kind, friendly, goofy, strong Christian boy this young man was.  His family, when giving their statements to the media, showed nothing but grace and a true love of God.  As tragic as this week has been, I am moved and inspired by this family who is a true testament of what "giving it all to God" looks like.

Jacob played football for Coppell, and he was (from what I've heard) an excellent player and a great team player.  He was number 21.  He jumped into the lake on Sunday, and rescue/recovery teams worked from dawn until dusk and later everyday using sonar equipment and dive teams and any other resources they were able to find.  On Thursday night, Jacob's body was recovered.  I saw a post on Facebook that said, "Thanking God, that finally, #21 was found at 21:21."  Jacob was, in fact, found at 9:21 pm, which in military time is 21:21.  When I read that, it gave me chills...  Could God be sending a blanket of peace over this whole community?  Could Jacob be sending his loved ones a message, saying he's okay and in the presence of our Creator?  The very thought brings tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat.

In the midst of all the uncertainty, another young man in Coppell was battling his own demons.  Again, I don't know the family, only what I've heard, but it hurts my heart that this young man felt there wasn't any other option.  Jonah Blackwell was a Silver Spur, one of the guys who raced the length of the football field and did push-ups each time Coppell scored.  If you went to Coppell, you know what I mean.  The Silver Spurs bring an element to the game that gets any crowd amped up a few notches.  From what I understand, he was very present in the student body and everyone who knew him liked him.  He was genuine, caring, and a good friend to any and everyone.

On Tuesday, he made the decision to take his own life.  I don't know the circumstances behind why he felt that was the only way, nor is it my job to speculate on anything.  I will, however, say this.  I know how hard it is to lose someone you care about to suicide.  I know firsthand.  A friend of mine made this exact same choice in 2010, and I still think about him all the time.  One of our mutual friends described it best when he said, "He had all the love in the world to give, but he never saved any for himself."  Truer words were never spoken.  My friend was a friend first, no matter what, and he always put himself last.

I wish there had been someone for him to be able to open up to; someone who could've maybe helped him through it instead of things happening the way they did.  I wish that for Jonah as well, not just for him, but for his family and friends as well.  I pray that Jonah found the peace that he was searching for, and that his family will be enveloped by God's peace and the love and support of their friends and community while they try to come to terms with the sudden loss of their child.

A Facebook page was created specifically for these two boys, to honor their memories and to be used as a forum to show unity in our community.  There was a post asking everyone to wear orange and blue today because they were Jonah's and Jacob's favorite colors, respectively.  Coppell's school colors are red, black, and white.  Here's a picture of the student section from Coppell's "away" game tonight:

Again...tears and a huge lump in my throat.  There have been posts and flowers and messages from schools and people all over the great state of Texas, and beyond!  It just warms my heart to see the love and support surrounding this team, this high school, this community. 

As a parent, I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a child.  Parents aren't supposed to bury their children, it's the other way around.  To lose a young life is tragic.  To lose two in three days is indescribable.  To the Logan and Blackwell families, you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.  We are all a part of a small and extremely close community, one that has grown exponentially with all of those who are speaking out to show their support.  At the end of the day, regardless of where we live, which district we're in, or what football team we cheer for, it comes down to this:  We are a family.  We show up, whether we know each other or not because that's what families do.  We can hope and pray that tragedies like this never darken our doorsteps again, but if and when another tragedy does, it may be my doorstep or yours that is darkened.  As terrifying as that thought is, I know that I wouldn't be alone.  With God on my side and an extended family disguised as a community, I never could be.  I'm praying for the peace and comfort of God's love to be wrapped around these two precious families and friends of the two young men who are no longer with us on Earth, and thanking God for the grace and kindness he has bestowed upon perfect strangers to lift this whole community up. 

The Coppell Cowboys won their game against Flower Mound tonight, 27-18.  Flower Mound observed a moment of silence for the Cowboys, and all of the Cowboys wore "21" on the side of their helmets.  After the game, both teams and their fans joined together in prayer.  If that doesn't speak volumes, I don't know what does...  There are some pretty amazing (and heart-wrenching) pictures showing the unity here,

I'll leave you with this, a heartfelt gesture from another rival, Colleyville Heritage:

Aubs

Don't you just love it...

when things finally start to come together?  I've been living in my new space for a little over three months now, and  finally started pulling it all together.  I have so many projects I'd like to do, but I have to prioritize.

I've been doing things here and there, and most recently I gave my bedroom a bit of a makeover.  Last weekend, I got the dark grey duvet cover from IKEA that I've had my eye on for the longest time, and I grabbed some fun curtains to block out the noise (and the light) while I was at it.

Tonight, I had three boys for an hour or two: N, B, & E.  I kinda like having that little guy around...especially when I get to give him back.  He's a sweet boy, but he HATES the car.  Driving from Coppell to Frisco during rush hour was not as miserable as I was expecting, but it still got a little loud.  My lips are still vibrating from making the Jetson's car noise for a solid 20 minutes.  Anyway, the four of us went to IKEA to get more curtains.  I bought one package, forgetting how wide my window was, so I needed another.  The curtains I'd purchased for the boys room (in a soft blue-green color that I LOVE) were too short, so I snagged some neutral khaki colored curtains for their room too.

When I go to IKEA, I always check the "As Is" section.  It's an addiction, and the best part about it is that I almost always find something for a steal there.  Thanks to the "As Is" section of IKEA, I have acquired:

- Full set of purple stoneware dishes: 6 dinner plates, salad plates, and bowls $28
- King size down comforter: heavier weight $19
- Nightstand with a cupboard door and three shelves: $35
- King size duvet cover and pillow shams $13
- Full set of gray stoneware dishes: 6 dinner plates, salad plates, and bowls $15
- 6 drawer chest of drawers $187

I'm excited about all of these things, but when I saw the dresser tonight, I got ridiculously excited.  I called my mom to tell her I found it (she also has an obsession with the Hemnes line) and asked her if I should buy it, knowing I'd probably do it anyway and deal with the consequences later.  She said, "I'm not giving you my opinion.  Call your dad."

See, since my dad helps with financials since I'm in school full-time and working part-time, I have to clear major purchases through him, but truth be told, I'd probably call him and run it by him anyway.  I fully expected him to say no, especially when our conversation went something like this:

Me: Hey, Dad!  How are you?
Dad: I'm okay.  What's up?
Me: Okay, so I'm at IKEA...(See how I was all nonchalant about it?)
Dad: Why?  What are you doing there?  (He thinks I go to IKEA too much...he's probably right)
Me: I'm meeting J so he can pick up N and E.  So, I'm in the "As Is" section and I found a dresser that I really want.
Dad: Aubrey...
Me: But Dad, I've wanted this for practically forever and it's $100 off!  It's a great deal!
Dad: What's wrong with it?
Me: Nothing!  It was the floor sample, that's all.
Dad: How much is it?
Me: It's a steal!  $187!  Can I get it?
Dad: Yeah, that's fine.
Me: REALLY?!
Dad: Yes.
Me: Okay, I'll talk to you later.  Um, I mean I'll call you later after I don't have a jillion kids.
Dad: I'm going to dinner anyway, so I'll talk to you later.
Me: Okay, I love you!

As I type, I'm up on my bed, staring at my new dresser and feeling like I've really accomplished something.  It's small...and I still need to decorate, but the bigger pieces are done.  The next major thing I want to do is either slipcover or re-upholster the furniture in the living room.  I've picked the samples, now it's just a question of doing it...which will be interesting because I don't sew.

On another "domestic" note, I feel like cooking this weekend: like making stews and soups and breads and treats to stock up my fridge, freezer, and pantry.  Between baseball, Oak Fest at Kid Kountry, college football, and whatever else comes our way, I'm not sure how much I'll get accomplished, but spending a good weather weekend with my boys sounds like a pretty good idea too.

I can't wait for some cool/rainy weather so I can keep my kitchen going all day long!

Aubs

Turkey Time's A'Comin!

Today, I got excited when I saw the date...  Why, you ask?  Because it's exactly 30 days until Thanksgiving break begins.  Yes, really.  To some, okay most, of you it's not that big of a deal.  In my family?  It's huge.

Growing up, we always spent Thanksgiving with my dad's family.  My grandfather was born on November 24, and my dad was born on November 25, so it was always a time for our family to get together and do birthdays and Thanksgiving all at the same time.  My grandfather died in 2005, and I had B in 2005...on November 26!  My dad still has a birthday buddy, and it's awesome because those two are so alike; total turkeys!

Several years ago, I started hosting Thanksgiving at my house.  Since both parents come, it's kind of neutral territory.  Like I've said before, they get along really well, but it's still less stressful when a holiday is at a house where either of them are free to leave if they have too much "togetherness" at once.  I get that.  Sometimes I want to leave too!  Anyway, the first year I had Thanksgiving at my house, my sister and I had a bright idea to get a little more than a lot tipsy and paint a trophy...on a clear plastic plate. 

We went on to develop this idea and made rules for how one could win this amazing piece of artwork.  It must be displayed prominently until the following November, where it would be fought over once again.  How do you win?  Win the best 2 out of 3 games...they range from Pictionary to Scene It to Scattegories, and so on. 

Bottom line?  It's so much fun.  And I always win.  We typically play with partners, and my partners have been different over the last few years.  Last year, my partner took the turkey trophy, a turkey nutcracker this time (we opted for a new trophy since the other has my ex's name on it too), and I believe he's taken the nutcracker hostage.  No worries...I found a replacement, which will be revealed once a winner is determine.  Let's just say it's on the larger side...

Tonight the boys and I went to the batting cages, and I attempted to pitch.  It wasn't bad, but I was glad to see N's dad show up.  I tried to catch, and now I have a bruise on my knee and one on my ankle to show for it.  Never a dull moment, that's for sure!

Aubs

Tuesday...posing as Monday

You know how you feel when you can tell the weather's about to change (again), but it's just not there yet?  Enter allergies and what could possibly be the beginning of bronchitis.  Oh joy.  I got so good at having bronchitis as a teenager, I could tell my doctor I had it prior to him listening to my crackles.  In fact, my old family doctor can listen to me cough over the phone and call in antibiotics.  I'm THAT good at bronchitis.

Today seriously just seemed like the longest day ever, and I know I have it easy.  I just wanted to get home, and go pick up my boys.  That's all.  The commute home, even at 2:00 in the afternoon, seemed to take forever.  Of course, I didn't just go straight home...  I had to find a curtain rod for my bedroom so my mom could come over tonight and help me hang curtains.  Then, I had to go to Cosco and sign up for a membership so I could get B the beef jerky he likes the most.

Here's the deal with B: He used to LOVE turkey sandwiches, especially from Subway.  I guess he got tired of them, because now he typically refuses turkey unless it's "Thanksgiving" turkey.  He has recently become a really picky eater, to the point where he doesn't want any kind of meat of protein for lunch.  He's allergic to nuts, so peanut butter is out, and he only likes one type of "B" butter, which I can't find anywhere.  I don't even know what it's called, just what the label looks like.  And when I say he likes it, I mean he claims to like it, then only eats small amounts.  I think just having it around is the majority of the appeal.

Anyway, his stepmother and I are trying to collaborate to figure out what we could possibly send him to eat in his lunch that is both delicious (his requirement) and includes protein/nutrition (our requirement).  He's taken beef jerky in his lunch from time to time, so I thought we'd give it a try.  Here's hoping it works...  The boy would live on grapes, strawberries, and baby carrots if we'd let him, and I'm thrilled he likes to eat healthy food, but the boy's a string bean.  He needs some MEAT!

N is my good eater.  He's a brave soul.  His dad has taught him to try anything once, and for the most part, N will.  If he smells it ahead of time, sometimes he backs out, but for the most part he's game for almost anything.  We were talking about random things we could put in lunches for school because B's lunch is at the ridiculously early hour of 10:30 and N's isn't until 1:00.  I jokingly said I should start sending B breakfast for lunch, and N requested breakfast burritos in his lunch tomorrow.  I've created two monsters!

I promise today is Monday 2.0 for me, and I can't think of anything I'd rather do than go to bed right this minute...as soon as I finish the laundry.  Being the only grown-up in the house is such a joy.  Actually, it is!

Aubs

Strength through tragedy

This morning, I was on my way to work like any other day...when the text messages started.  The first was from my mom, saying I should look at one of the local news stations because there was a story about a boy from Coppell, and the boys would probably hear about it.  I won't lie: I immediately thought, "Oh great...what's someone done now?"  I never even considered how sad it would be.

But first, let me backpedal a little.  My sister was just in town a few weeks ago for her 10 year high school reunion.  She had a great time, but each time she would point someone out to her husband, she would find herself saying, "Oh that's ____________.  His/her ____________" and complete the sentence with some sort of tragedy that struck them or their family or the community.  When we were talking about it before they headed home, we both agreed that there has been a lot of sadness associated with Coppell High School.  Sadness doesn't consume this community, far from it, but especially in high school, there has been more than enough tragedy. 

When I was a Sophomore or Junior, two brothers (one who was in middle school with my sister and one in high school with me) were killed in a head-on collision coming home from their parents' store.  That was our first real brush with death...at least with death that wasn't an elderly relative.  It rocked our community, because it wasn't just one young, innocent life taken, but two in the same family.  When I was a senior, one of the friendliest guys I knew died unexpectedly.  He had made a serious effort to turn his life around, and in a moment of weakness, lost his life.  His brother was my sister's age, and we all felt that one.  There wasn't enough room for all of us wanting to pay our respects at the funeral.  The crowd literally spilled outside and heard the memorial via speakers.

Sunday, one of the star athletes on the football team, a 17 year-old Senior, went cliff jumping with some friends at Possum Kingdom Lake.  He jumped, apparently resurfaced once very briefly (there's some discrepancy here) and then never resurfaced.  That in and of itself is tragic, but our community is strong, and what happened afterwards makes my eyes fill up with tears. 

Posts started popping up everywhere via Facebook and Twitter.  An impromptu vigil was held on the football field at Coppell High School, where well over a hundred people gathered to pray and be there for each other and console one another.  As most locals know, Coppell's biggest rival has always been the Southlake Carroll Dragons, and when they heard about this accident, the team members came to our house, our field, and in what can only be described as a true testament of solidarity and good sportsmanship, rallied around their opponents to show them that they weren't alone in their sadness.  How can that not give anyone chills?

They resumed searching for this boy this morning, but have yet to find him.  While I don't know the boy or his family, I know Coppell.  The strength of this community is unmatched.  Tragedy strikes time and time again, and the community never fails to come together, lifting up those who are hurting in prayer and supporting them as long as they need.  Nobody feels alone in their sorrow here; there's always someone who is more than willing to shoulder some of the burden.  His family is a pillar of strength during this heartbreaking time, and I know that even if they did begin to crumble, they would be lifted up...even higher than they were on their own because that's just how it works in Coppell.  This whole tragic accident just further reminds me that we do not need to question God and His decisions, but rather find solace in knowing that God not only has a plan, but that we've been a part of it since before we even existed, and we just need to continue to trust in Him.

Lots of heavy hearts in Coppell tonight, but the solidarity is truly astonishing.  A young life taken far too soon, a family being lifted up by those they know and those they don't, and a community that comes together in the face of tragedy without fail, no matter what makes Coppell what it is: a family.

Aubs

It's curtains for you

I live really close to a highway.  Like, a stone's throw.  My bedroom has a lot of highway noise, which is soothing white noise when I'm exhausted and trying to fall asleep.  My room also lets in a ridiculous amount of light...and I can't sleep in, even if I try.  Again, this is helpful if I need to wake up early, but on my first weekend not having class and being able to sleep in, I was not appreciative of the sun telling me good morning before 8:00. 

I've said I need to put curtains up since I moved in a few months ago, but I didn't want to until I figured out how I intended to decorate.  Now that I have a general idea, I bit the bullet today and snagged some curtains from IKEA.  I think I'm going to need more...  This window is a whole lot bigger than I thought it was.  When I finally get them hung, I know my room will be a calming, relaxing place to be.  Until then, I'm going to gripe when I wake up entirely too early on weekend mornings.  Seriously?  Not going to bed until super late, only to wake up 4 hours later because the sun is streaming in and (apparently) a lot of road rage on Sunday morning?  Not so cool.

I had curtains picked out for the boys too, but when I went to purchase them today, they were no longer available.  I hate it when that happens...and it happens all the time.  It's so frustrating because then you have this idea in your head of what you want, and you're never fully able to bring your idea to fruition because they no longer exist.  I know someone out there feels my pain.

My mom has graciously volunteered to help me hang said curtains.  Aubrey and power tools are typically NOT the best idea ever.  I get a little over zealous with them, and end up having way too much fun.  After a few hours of running around, looking for curtains that no longer exist, I came home and flopped on the couch with my Kindle, where I stayed for at least 2 hours except for when I was transferring laundry from washer to dryer to chair (where I stared at it).

I don't watch television nearly as much as I used to; I just don't seem to have a lot of time for it, but the shows I love are still recording.  Let's just say it was completely delightful doing laundry this afternoon.  I caught up on some of my favorites, and apparently, I was sort of granted a reprieve since most of them didn't have episodes that aired last week due to debates. 

Here's hoping that this is a better week than last week!  Can you believe it's already mid-October?!  I am so excited about the next few weeks: baseball games (in hopefully cooler weather), scooter rides in the park, the Light the Night walk on October 28, and then...NOVEMBER!  November is quite possibly my favorite month of the year.  I can't wait to head to Houston to collaborate with my Seester to get my dad's "mancave" ready for its very first Thanksgiving celebration!

Aubs

The night I met Hello Kitty

After a nail-biter of a ballgame, where my boy got hit (hard) by a pitch right in the bicep, causing me to leap over three rows of bleachers to glue  myself to the fence near first base while the coach made sure he was okay (I'm sure he was mortified...), they lost.  They came back from a 9-2 deficit to end it 12-11.  I was so proud, and I swear.  It's more agonizing to watch the game as a parent...especially when the umps are ridiculously biased.  Tonight, one of them told our coach that he was on a "thin leash."  What in the world is a thin leash?  I thought it was thin ice or a short leash.  Apparently, the ump had some issues mixing his cliches.  Our coach is a really amazing coach, and he can provide some pretty amazing commentary on the sidelines, but the umps were not even remotely fair tonight.  I hope we don't end up with them next week.

Anyway, after the game, it was girls night!  My friend Angela and I went to meet our friend Chanthala at The Ginger Man to see a band play.  They rocked some Journey, Bon Jovi, Night Ranger, and Ozzy Osborne.  Seriously?  It was so fun!    I randomly looked over, and saw a man wearing pink, which isn't really that weird...except he was in a Hello Kitty costume.  I had to investigate.  So, I went over and asked to take a picture of him.  He agreed, but only if I was in it with him.  The guy who took our picture couldn't seem to make it work, so this is all I ended up with...

He's getting married, so this was part of his bachelor party.  That list is a checklist of items he had to complete before the party was over.  I assisted with the lipstick necklace, only it was not as dark as they were wanting because I didn't actually have any lipgloss.  There were some awesome action shots though, so as soon as I get copies, they'll be posted too.  It was quite hilarious!

We were starving though, and since they were a beer only pub, our options were limited.  So, off we went to Addison for some drinks and fun!  Angela and I got there first and we decided to visit our old hangout: Sherlocks!  Then the rain came...and by the time we were ready to leave, it hadn't let up.  Let's just say, I totally have to throw away my shoes and I was soaked all the way to my knees.  It wasn't my most flattering moment.  Still, it was a great time.  I can't wait for N's game next week!  Here's hoping this week is better than last week!

Aubs

Adventures in babysitting

This afternoon, I had a generous streak, and volunteered to watch N's baby brother for his dad so he could get some stuff accomplished.  Little E was only over for a couple of hours, but he's a pretty sweet kid.  The best part is that I can cuddle with him and act like a total goofball...and then give him back, HOPEFULLY right before he decides to have a dirty diaper.  I was successful on all counts.

                                                                        E & Me

I look forward to the day where he can come over and be entertaining.  Babies are cute and all, but he's only 3 months old.  He doesn't "do" a whole lot at this stage.  We are best pals though...just ask him while I'm in his line of sight.  N has to help with his brother a lot when he's at his dad's house, and I think he enjoys it for the most part.  It's so refreshing to see him so helpful with little E, because he isn't as sweet and kind to B.  I'm sure it's the age difference and the annoyance factor, but it's still frustrating.

Watching E tonight made me think of all of the crazy things I've had happen in the past while babysitting.  While I've had some really great babysitting jobs in my life (i.e. babysitting for Brock Marion when he played for the Cowboys and several other Cowboys families), I've also had some pretty crazy times.  Once, while babysitting my neighbors (two little boys) they barricaded themselves in the backyard and peed all over the windows.  I just laughed.  A lot.  Their parents left them "lemonade" to drink, but more often than not, they labeled the wrong pitcher and I served them margaritas on more than one occasion.  Whoops!

There was a really great family I used to babysit for when I lived in Kansas.  Oh, the MacHarts.  Their mom is still one of my most favorite people.  I love her to pieces, because she rarely uses a filter, and she's never changed.  I spent so much time with their family for the few years we were neighbors.  There were several babysitting aged girls in our little area, but the MacHart kids and I were mutual favorites.

Now that I look back, I use a lot of the same tactics I used back then with those three.  Two girls sandwiched their brother, who was probably my biggest challenge.  He had a mean streak, but he was precious.  He would get so mad when things wouldn't go his way, and he would narrow his eyes and practically spit while trying to say (in the meanest munchkin voice he could muster) "What me to tear your face off?"  It was so hard to NOT laugh at him...even though I was slightly afraid of him at times.  The girls were precious: we loved playing games, painting/redecorating with monster paint, and having fashion shows.  I spent a lot of time with them, not only at home, but also running around.  We went to movies and the pool, ran errands, and  honestly, went pretty much everywhere together.

They moved away right before I did, but we still talk.  Although the kids were quite small when I babysat them, they still remember me.  We're even friends on Facebook!  It kind of creeps me out that the baby of the family just turned 21.  Time flies...

Overall, they were a breeze compared to some of the kids I've watched more recently.  I've had kids who refuse to wear their seatbelts, kids who figure out how to take off the child-lock and open the car door as I'm driving down the highway, and kids who bite/fight/make people bleed.  I could go on and on about this all night, but I won't.  I'd like to sleep at some point.

In other news, I got a little creative with lollipops this week.  Honestly, it's not all that creative, but it will be.  It's a work in progress.  If you know me, you'll know that I have great ideas in my head, but lack the creative crafty genius to follow through in real life.  I originally intended to make lollipop flowers, or maybe a wreath, but instead I just kinda shoved 'em all together.  It works for me.

                                                                      (Side View)

                                                                      (Aerial shot)

There are all kinds of interesting flavors like mocha latte, cinnamon bun, candy apple, butterscotch sundae, and pink lemonade.  N and his friends have been poison checking them for me, and I know B will flip out when he sees them on Monday when he gets home.  Oh boy!  Thank goodness we're good at brushing our teeth!

Tomorrow N has his first (and only) night game of the season.  They'll get to use the ballpark lights, and I can't wait for the game!  After that, I'm off for some much needed girl time...where I'll inevitably be convinced to do things I normally wouldn't consider.  Until then, I'm watching Jurassic Park with my favorite 10 year-old, and entertaining him with stories of my first time watching this movie when I was a little older than he is now.  Man, I was a scaredy cat.  Oh wait...I still am!

Aubs

Random dinner party anyone?

Who randomly decides to invite some of their family over for dinner via text?  Me.  And the great thing is...some of them actually show up.  In fact, I would've been three for three tonight, but one of my cousins had class tonight, so her sister was kind enough to take her leftovers.

I love having people come over for dinner.  It's a little something I can do to show people how much I appreciate them just being around.  It doesn't take a lot of effort, but being able to provide a home-cooked meal for those that mean the most to me is just something I really don't take for granted...unless they all want something different.  Then again, that only happens when both of the boys are home.

Tonight there were four of us for dinner: N, my mom, my pal/cousin, and myself.  N dined on grilled cheese, green beans, and clementines.  The rest of us had tortilla soup.  The key to tortilla soup is to make it a day before you actually want to eat it so the flavors will get all nice and mixy.  Mixy is totally a word.  Since I got off work earlier than normal, I put it on the stove to reheat/simmer while I baked some delicious treats.

At work, there is currently a "Biggest Loser" contest.  Although I was part of the committee that put it together, I opted not to participate, not because I don't feel I would benefit from it (because I would), but because I don't like the way contests make people behave.  Let me amend that.  I like being competitive.  I dislike being conniving and shady.  I disagree with putting huge bowls of candy out for contestants and "secretly" leaving treats on their desks that you know they love.  It's not the way to play, nor is it the way to win, BUT since I'm not competing, I really don't have any room to talk.

Except for tomorrow.  Tomorrow is my friend's birthday, and I made her treats.  When I get stressed or bored or anything really, I tend to cook or bake.  She knows this, and asked what I would be making her for her birthday.  I said, "Cheesecake?" and her face lit up.  So, cheesecake it is...and it'll be entertaining to see all the contestants do whatever they can to avoid my cheesecake.  It won't work.

Anyway, I set up little bowls full of toppings and (keeping with the Mexican theme) decided to make a sopapilla cheesecake for dessert.  That's a quick and easy go-to recipe that is always a crowd-pleaser.  It was a delightful evening with my mom and my cousin, full of funny conversation and the little things in life.  They left with bags full of leftovers, and I still had a ton left over.  Yum!  Before leaving, my mom asked when everyone was coming over for dinner again.  Anytime, mom...anytime.

Now, if I could shake this start of a cold before it actually turns into something that I'll hate, I'd be in business...

Aubs

                           Soup Bar: tortilla chips, shredded cheese, salsa, sour cream, avocado

                                             Sopapilla Cheesecake: It's dangerous, y'all!

Chicken soup for the soul (and the stomach)

I've been in a funk lately, and it's not really one I can explain.  I've kind of been on the edge of a bunch of major decisions, teetering back and forth between staying with what's comfortable and taking a chance.  The balancing act is wearing me out, but it's not a decision I can make on my own.

You've probably heard the saying, "It takes a village to raise a child" and I think that's a pretty accurate statement.  I wouldn't be able to be half the parent I am without my village of people who help me when I need it; whether it be helping watch my boys or lending an ear while I vent.  I think everyone needs to vent regularly...it seems like single parents need to vent a whole lot more.  Think about all the dynamics involved with single parenting.  There are rules at your house, the other parent's house, grandparents houses, stepparents, step siblings, new siblings, animals, sports, activities, scheduling conflicts...the list goes on and on.  It makes me tired just thinking about it.  I deal with each of those issues with both of my boys on a regular basis.  It wears me out and runs me down pretty quickly.

Enter: Chicken soup.  I am so fortunate to have two great parents and a wonderful sister/brother-in-law.  Even though my parents divorced when I was a teenager, they've remained friends.  We still do major holidays together, and even birthdays.  I realize that's rare, and that makes me sad.  Neither of my parents have remarried, but they have a deal to put them at ease during family functions.  Neither of them brings a date to said functions unless the other has ample notice.  It's not a system that works for everyone, but it works for us.  My sister and brother-in-law are such a grounded couple.  The love they have for each other is obvious in everything they do, and I'm so thankful that they found each other.  While they don't have any kids of their own, they have June, who is a sweet guard dog who does NOT like B.  (The feeling is mutual.)

When I need a quick recharge, I can talk to any of them.  I tend to gravitate towards my parents, mostly because my sister is usually super busy, but I know if I need any of them, they're there for me.  They make me see reason and logic when I'm upset or angry.  They validate some of what I say, but make me realize that I might be going a little overboard sometimes.  Yes, talking on the phone is all well and good, but sometimes it just isn't enough.  And when it isn't, I escape.

My mom lives locally, so I see her at least once a week.  I talk to her on the phone almost everyday, even if it's just for a few minutes.  She comes to all of the boys' special events that she can, and is amazing when it comes to reorganizing her life so she can be there.  This means more to me than I can express.  When I need a serious recharge, I go to Houston.  I feel like I go a lot.  I'm down there at least once or twice a month, and I wish I could go more often.  There have been so many times where I haven't even realized I was having a rough time...until my dad opens his door.  I can't count how many times I've collapsed into his arms and just felt relieved and safe.  That's when the tears come, and crying isn't something I do often.

My family is my chicken soup.  They're the magical mixture of ingredients that build me back up when I'm feeling puny.  Their words and uncanny knack for showing up are like the broth that makes me stronger.  I feel their sincerity and love throughout my body, just like soup warms you from the inside out on a cold day.  I'd be lost without them...empty and incomplete.  I hope someday my boys will be able to see what a great gift an awesome family unit can be INSTEAD of asking me on a regular basis when they can have a stepdad.  Truth?  I don't know the answer to than question, and I don't know if that's something that will ever be a reality.  It hurts sometimes, and makes me feel like I'm not enough...but I know I am, because I'm part of a pretty amazing village.

Aubs

                                                                     (Tortilla Soup)