I need a vacation. Or a nap. Or less caffeine in a 24 hour period. This morning was horrendous. I love that word. Horrendous. It just sounds terrible. Or even...worse than terrible. Please see sentence #3. I cannot be held accountable for my words this evening. Even I have no idea what's coming.
Both boys woke up, utterly exhausted, and were so pleasant and fun to deal with during the time we spent together before school. That whole sentence, minus the "utterly exhausted" part? Total lie. They were nightmares. Late baseball practice on Mondays will ruin our lives for the rest of the school year. You heard it here first, folks! N was cranky, B was a straight up beast to even look at, and they were both just picking at each other. Separation? Didn't work. They would "accidentally" brush by each other in the hall, and when I say "brush by," what I really mean is they clotheslined each other. Did I ever mention we live on the second floor?
It's delightful.
Justin was supposed to come take N to breakfast so they could have a little face time since they don't see each other as much anymore. This has been a real struggle for me, especially on school mornings because I don't know if he's coming until well after the time N should've already eaten breakfast. In fact, this morning, it was 7:30 (school starts at 7:50), and he was just on his way. I told him to forget it, that I was taking both boys to school because I wasn't going to leave N at home so he could see him for 30 seconds. Where's the quality in that? It got heated...on his end. I was doing my best to keep my cool, but when I hung up the phone, N jumped to his dad's defense, without knowing what had been said.
And that? Well, that made me a little angry. I told him he could be mad at me all he wanted, but it's my job to get him to school on time. He didn't seem to think it was a big deal to be late to school. This is an issue for me since I hate to be late. I'm always early, or at least I do my best to be early. Sometimes traffic around here does NOT get my memo. Anyway, I took both of them to school, and he was mad, and I let him, and we went on about our business. When he came home with a chip on his shoulder, I called him out on it, and told him we needed to talk about it. And that's when it all came pouring out.
Long story, short...he acknowledges that I do everything in my power (and even some outside of my power) to give him what he needs and a lot of what he wants. It's the same way my parents were with me...and let me tell you. I appreciate them so much for not giving me everything I wanted all the time. I didn't get it at the time (who does?), but I totally get it now. And N understands it at its most basic level. He burst into tears, talking about how he has a home here, but he doesn't feel like he has one at his dad's. He still doesn't like his stepmom, and he's feeling jealous of the attention that his baby brother gets (and all the money they spend on him)...which is all of it. I explained that babies take up a lot of time because they can't do anything for themselves, and they are expensive, but he said, flat out, "Mom, I feel like an afterthought. All the time. Even in my own family, and definitely in her family. My papaw was the only one who really wanted to be there with me, and he's gone. Why did he have to die?"
My boy. My sweet, precious boy. There's not anything you can say to that...just hold him, and let him cry it out. Let him know that having a mom who takes you to practice and watches what you do so she knows what you need to work on does NOT make you a "Mama's boy." It makes you a boy whose mom cares enough about you to show up...who's ABLE to show up...who WANTS to show up. I'm not saying his dad doesn't care or doesn't want to, but life happens sometimes. I plan my life around my boys when it comes to something that's so important to them. And baseball is important to N.
After a rough afternoon, I made an early dinner, sent them to shower at 6:15, and by 6:45, we were in their room, watching "Little Big League," which neither of them have ever seen. N's at the age where he's determined not to like anything I tell him he'll like...but I know him better than that. The belly laughs that movie got from him? Totally made all day today worth it. B had a few, too, but there was too much "down time" in the movie for him, and not enough funny. Still...with "Little Giants" and "Little Big League," this mom is two for two.
A winning record is all that matters, right?
Aubs
P.S. I'm so excited about the pictures the parents from B's class have been sending! It's going to be such a great surprise for a really wonderful teacher! More to come on that soon!
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