Boring. These days are getting boring.

It's been pretty busy in my household (of basically one) for the last couple of months, even being stuck at home due to a pandemic. After putting off packing for as long as humanly possible I found random bursts of productivity but most of the "hustle and bustle" in my house over the last several weeks has been primarily finding things to do to avoid doing what I need to do. I never said it was right or logical but, like my students often say, I work best under pressure.

And, I mean, isn't that true of most of us? Our true grit and determination come out when we're backed against a wall or facing some kind of deadline. It's very hard for me to not be frustrated with my students who are seemingly not showing up for anything anymore even though they have an AP Exam on FRIDAY because I get it. They have tests before ours, some of them have multiples, and it's one of those things where you have to tackle what's first before you can look at what comes next. If I were still 17 (and thank Jesus I'm not) then I'd be in the same boat but, with the infinite wisdom I've gained in 20 years, I struggle to be okay with this way of compartmentalizing. I realize what works for me (now) doesn't work for them (now or ever) but I sure wish some of them would take advantage of the wisdom being offered to them. It would make their lives so much easier...probably.

The worst kind of "meh" day is the day where there isn't really a reason for the "meh." It's just there. Today was one of those days. My desire to get much done today was pretty much non-existent, although I did unpack all of the remaining boxes in one room (aside from the school supplies that are boxed up in the closet for next year...I hope). Other than that I opened the last 8-10 boxes looking for the damn silverware so I could eat my yogurt and then I just kind of sat there going "Now what?" for a while. It seems like that's all the last couple of months have been: a whole lot of "now what?"

It's an interesting chapter, this chapter I'm beginning. The majority of my friends are married with children of varying ages. If they have kids who are close in age to mine then they often have several younger ones still at home. They're firmly ensconced in the life I lived for so long: practices, homework, playdates, taxi driving, homework help, crazy sports/dance/gymnastics schedules...and I don't have any of that anymore. Sometimes I feel more than a little remorse that it's over. I was one who always managed to thrive on the chaos of conflicting schedules, like they were a puzzle I had to solve so everyone could master their individual objectives. And now I'm all, "Hmmm, what will I watch on Netflix/Hulu/ESPN+ tonight?"

It's a riveting discussion I have with myself every single night. And, if I'm being completely honest, I'm not even sure this would change if there wasn't a pandemic going on. Despite all evidence to the contrary I am, in fact, a rather shy individual. Okay, shy is the wrong word. Guarded. I'm incredibly guarded. I've been burned by people I thought were trustworthy, had proven their worth (and lied really well, it seems), and granted access to my inner circle...not a euphemism. So, while I am always friendly because I don't know how not to be unless you really piss me off I do not often let my true personality show until I am sure. You know what that makes a huge challenge? Dating. And since the last couple were such amazing gems I've kind of kept to myself for a really long time. It's been fine, good, even because I've been able to focus so much on getting myself to where I want to be, raising my boys and juggling a lot of crap on the side. While my professional life is never EVER boring sometimes my personal life is and sometimes boring is really good...and sometimes it's B.O.R.I.N.G.

So, tonight, as I lamented the boring status I decided I would just get a bowl of ice cream and climb in bed to watch whatever it is I'm watching right now. I'm on the last episode of the first season of "The Last Kingdom," which has been pretty good so far but I hear it gets better in subsequent seasons so I might keep going with that. I'm also behind on "The Last Dance," which is my jam because who was alive and NOT a Bulls fan in the late 80s/early 90s? Not many people, that's who. The Dream Team! But as I was debating what to watch I got an email from another teacher with a couple of notes from students attached.

My mood significantly improved as I sent them a message to thank them for being much kinder than I deserve. And now they're arguing back and forth in our group Remind message and I'm laughing at their threats of sending pictures of each other from middle school and it was exactly what I needed. I appreciate that they are so plainly themselves with me and am even more grateful because I know they are not as candid with others. The whole "you get what you give" philosophy rings so true, especially with the teenager population...

Which is why, to my knowledge, I'm still not a meme.

Aubs