As I continually tell ANYONE who will listen, I am a social being. I do not do well with being isolated. I know I am not alone in this because there are plenty of people who willingly disobey the social distancing and shelter in place guidelines in a way that is unsafe. There are also plenty who do their best to push these restrictions to their furthest point, stopping just shy of actually technically breaking them.
Then there are those who are legitimately not leaving their homes/yards at all, not even to go to the store. They may sit outside or garden or water plants (is that the same as gardening? No idea) or check the mail or pick up the newspaper but then they're back in their bubble. Those guys...I have no idea how they do it. Truly. The mere thoughts of never having a change of scenery actually makes me feel a little dead inside but, rule followers? Good on you. You're clearly more dedicated than I am.
I'm having to get out of my house. I drive aimlessly. I go to the store for my mom. I belt out songs in the most passionate and epic car concerts ever. Some of my best work, truly. I think the isolation brings out my inner music artist. And, y'all? She is a hot mess. Brilliant, obviously, but M.E.S.S.
At the end of last week I had a series of days that were pretty rough. Thursday was meltdown city but it wasn't even a full meltdown so I knew another was potentially imminent. Super. Friday I made queso for the one kid who showed up for the Zoom session who's not even in my district (still amazing!) and walked it over to his house. It was a significant day for the family so we sat around and drank a beer to toast someone no longer with us and then I walked home. My sister sent me a text as I was walking that made me concerned that I might not make it home without peeing my pants from laughing so hard but I'm happy to report that I made it.
Since it was kind of cool outside, I went inside to take care of business and then I went back out to enjoy the night: the air, the clear sky, the ability to actually see stars; STARS, not airplanes. I hate being quarantined but man I do love the clear skies at night. It reminds me of camping and so much simpler times. As I was walking around the track, singing along to my playlist and keeping an eye out for bunnies or other "scary" critters one of my students sent me a message about how she was disappointed and needed a pick-me-up. I was juggling a few conversations and mentioned that I was on the track behind my house. It wasn't late...like 9:30 but all of a sudden I had A TON of 16-17-year-old parents. My phone EXPLODED with messages, "9:30 is a little dangerous don't you think?" or "It's not safe to be out that late!" Um, what are we? 80? I thanked my newfound moms and dads and explained I was safe. I even sent pictures/video to show that it was perfectly fine.
And then I sent and "OHMYGOSH! I just saw something!" because I am evil and also easily entertained. When they were all, "OMG, Dubs! Go home! What was it?" I sent a picture of a very scary bunny. I laughed and laughed and it was so good for my soul...but then some more students reached out about less funny problems they were facing and I found myself literally unable to stop walking in circles.
By the time I finally forced myself off the track it was almost 1:00. I couldn't sleep. I was wired, I was worried, and I was worn out but also worked up to where I couldn't calm down, no matter what I did. Hindsight: I wonder if that was a panic attack...no idea. The last time I looked at the clock it was around 5:30 and I was up again at 8:30. In the morning. As in, three hours later.
I guess I was just due for a rough and exhausting week. I'm really hoping I get a pass moving forward.
Aubs
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