The Great Couch Swap

I swear...sometimes (okay, a lot of the time) my life is just ridiculous. I couldn't make it up if I tried. So let me set the scene for you if I can even do it justice.

3:00: I've finished my AP Zoom for the afternoon and I'm spending some time outside, soaking up a few rays as I try to convince myself to grade a few more DBQs. My phone buzzes and it's a number I don't recognize. They'd like to Facetime. Decline. Then a text message pops up requesting a Facetime tour of the condo. It's 3:37. I suggest 4:00 so I have time to run inside and make sure there's no underwear on the floor.

4:00: Well, she's prompt, that's for sure. I go outside and start from the parking lot. I take her through the house, show her the school behind the condo, fill her in on the differences between CHS and New Tech and she's super interested and very nice. Cool. We talk for about 30 minutes while I show her around, virtually, and answer her questions.

5:00: I text a friend who wants to come try out my couch (which is too big for the apartment I'm moving into next week). We've been trying to coordinate a time for a couple of days. She swears today will be the day.

6:00: I decide I need Starbucks. I drive to the location that was open only to find that it's not open anymore. It's too late to turn back now so I mobile order to the next closest one that's open...which is close to where I teach. I decide an Iced Almond Milk Honey Latte sounds amazing. I join the line of cars wrapped around the building and wait to get my drink. While I wait I look at the description and see it has 4 SHOTS OF ESPRESSO. I go for it anyway; I've already ordered.

6:37: I get my drink. IT. IS. AMAZING. And I say that BEFORE the caffeine has started buzzing through my veins. It's pretty sweet; when I get it again I'll half the honey. My tastebuds are blissed out.

6:45: I remember I need contacts solution and I'm still on the hunt for my skinny cans of Diet Coke that apparently no longer exist so I stop at Walmart because it's right there. (Side note: If anyone knows where I can find any of the tall, skinny cans of Diet Coke - feisty cherry, ginger lime, strawberry guava, blueberry acai, blood orange, twisted mango...any of them, let me know. Seriously. Or buy them!) There is no Diet Coke. I'm am still heartbroken over this.

7:05: I text my friend and basically say, "I swear you better not forget." She responds with "I swear I'm coming." She tries to go to my old house since I've only lived here for 2 years. She pulls up and I greet her with "Do you know anyone who wants to buy/rent this place?" She says, "My sister is moving back here. Let me call her."

7:10: Sister shows up. She walks in and is super excited. I show her around. She loves it. Friend loves the couch. We all load up in our own cars to go back to her house to see if there will be a couch swap.

7:12: It is confirmed that there is a couch swap that is happening. Young adult son and friend (hers, not mine) are voluntold they will be doing a couch swap. Friend's sister tells her husband to come look at the condo.

7:15: Another tour of the condo. He is also a fan.

During this time I've also been texting my landlord and he is thrilled that there's another contender. I feel like I should be getting a commission.

By the time the great couch swap occurs it's after 9:00 but it was a super productive day and it may as well have been 4:30 in the afternoon because I chugged 4 shots of espresso in less than 10 minutes.

But wait! There's more. I get a text message from my friend later on saying "________(name deleted for privacy) is crushing on you!" to which I reply, "Bless. Kindly tell the child (22) that I'm almost 39." and she says, "He just told us and we were all 'What?! You only saw her for two seconds!'" to which he replied, "That's all it took."

Y'all. I'm dying. I am dead. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

Aubs