I mean, if that isn't the "duh" statement of the century, I don't know what is. It's never been fair and it will never BE fair and that's part of how we learn and grow.
But right now, in case you didn't know, we're in the midst of a global pandemic. I know. Alert the media. I'm just saying that right now things are already super chaotic and messy and scary and off-kilter, and completely uncertain. There is an eerie desperation lingering in the air. There's a potential end date for this but we all know it will be extended and this is going to be our temporary "normal" for the foreseeable future.
So when I got an email with the subject line "Sad News" from the principal of my campus I didn't want to open it. I did and, I'm not going to lie, the first thing I did was skim to see if the name was familiar. I know. That's a terrible thing to do but these kids are MY kids and the thought of anything happening to any of them, all 176 of them, would completely and totally undo me. Then I also considered, if it was one of my kids, she probably would've reached out to me directly.
A student passed away unexpectedly yesterday. They were a student in the grade level I teach so it is entirely possible (probable?) that our paths crossed at some point but they were not in my class. They were deeply loved by so many of my students, though, and I've spend much of the afternoon/evening listening to them tell me all about their friend. I've learned a lot; I've learned that I probably would have adored the crap out of them if I had been lucky enough to know them.
It hurts my heart to "see" my kids hurting. I feel their hurt right along with them and want to do whatever I can to help assuage that pain. So when one of them sent me a link to a GoFundMe for this kid's family, I did what I do best. I donated to the gofundme and a kid almost immediately messages me and said, "I saw that you donated. That's really amazing of you." I can't write a tribute or use my words to say how amazing this person was or the lasting impact they have left on all they knew because I don't know about it firsthand...but what I do know is that this individual made a difference in the lives of others.
And isn't that what we all so desperately want to do? Make a difference? I donated because, as a mom myself, I can't even begin to imagine the grief and pain this child's parents and loved ones are feeling right now. I can't imagine the heart-wrenching decisions they have to make, not even in a time where people can gather to mourn such a tragic loss, but in a time where they are literally unable to gather. It rips my heart apart.
So what do I do? I go all in. This afternoon and evening I have been fielding messages and providing comfort as best I can. I've been checking in on kids I haven't heard from in days and when I ask if they're okay many of them quickly turn it around and ask how I'M doing. It's such a humbling reminder that you get what you give. These kids were not sure about me, like, at ALL, at the beginning; some of them are still uncertain but those who decided to give me a chance show me love all the time. Their love comes in a variety of forms from Minecraft creations with one of my "sayings" on them (which they did instead of doing their assignments) to cleverly worded jabs to asking my opinion or if we can just talk sometimes.
People keep asking how school is going and I'm always honest when I reply, "It's going. Not well, not horribly, but it's going. I'd do anything to be back in the classroom again and I know they would, too." It's not just lip-service. At least three times a day I get questions from kids:
Are we going back?
When are we going back?
Can we go back yet?
Samesies, loves...samesies.
Aubs
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