N and I dropped B off at children's church this morning, and N opted to go to the service with me instead of going upstairs to the 5th grade experience. The theme this year was "InstaChristmas" kind of following along the lines of Instagram: how we are so into instant gratification and are often not willing to be patient and let things happen as they're supposed to. It was interesting and inspiring, reiterating what I've been attempting to do on my own...which is stop, take a step back, take a deep breath, and just be.
I'm constantly running, but I'm not really going anywhere. I'm the first to admit I'm all about instant gratification, but I also know that sometimes that really doesn't work the best for anyone. I want so badly to know what's going to happen next, that I'm constantly focusing on that instead of living in the moment. I'm so concerned with what could happen or what I want to happen, that I don't allow myself to see and enjoy what actually IS happening. And that's no way to live.
After church, the boys and I ran a couple of quick errands and then headed home to finish picking up around the house. I had reminded the boys first thing in the morning that they needed to keep their hands off of each other unless they were being kind and playing nicely. Not surprisingly, B chose to smack his brother, so I did what I promised and spanked him. I am SO tired of them being ugly to each other, and that was the last straw. Afterwards, our conversation went a little something like this:
B (tearful and defiant): Mom, you obviously didn't listen in church today.
Me: Why's that B?
B: Because God's spirit tells us to love one another.
Me: God also tells us to honor our father and our mother.
B: When did they say that?
Me: Everyday.
B: Oh...I must've missed that one.
Obviously. N left first, and B was supposed to leave at 3:00. At 4:00, his dad came to pick him up, telling him they had a surprise waiting for him at their apartment. As soon as B ran down the stairs to get in the car, his dad told me they had gotten him a puppy. Apparently, B's stepmom's dog is getting old and crazy(ish) so a new dog will help him to calm down? I don't know. To me, it sounds like a ploy to get people to get more animals. Maybe it works...but what if the dogs don't get along? Anyway, both boys have been asking me for a dog for months, but it's not in the cards for us right now. And now, B has one at his dad's. I couldn't wait to hear what B chose for a name.
I asked him to have B call me so he could tell me his news, and I got a picture a little while later of B with the new puppy...the puppy named Chino. I'm pretty sure B has never heard of that word before, but the criteria his dad gave him was that the name had to be Spanish. Who tells a kid they can name a dog, and then dictates what the name should be? I don't understand...but it's not up to me. And that's a hard pill to swallow sometimes.
In the meantime, my cousins came over for some beef stew and hilarity. Man, they really are so much fun! It's so great to be able to spend time with both of them at the same time. We even looked up when we could plan a trip to Garner, but it's so hard to do with Clif's Navy schedule. There just aren't any guarantees on his leave time. Still, it was so much fun...and I can't wait to hang out with them again on Christmas afternoon!
The house is quiet, emptyish, and cold. I'm good with at least one or two of those, but all three? It's just weird. I'm happy to have the downtime, but at the same time, this is the part of being all by myself that sucks the most. The holidays are a time you spend with those you care about, those who matter, and even though I'm just by myself for a few days, it just doesn't feel right.
I'd rather it not feel right than feel like I'm losing my mind, though, so I'm doing my best to embrace the weird and just do nothing.
I'll let you know how that goes...
Aubs
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