The boys came home this evening, and in 30 minutes flat, my apartment looked like a war zone. I wish I had thought to take pictures of the complete chaos. There were mountains of wrapping paper, boxes, ribbons, bows, children, and assorted unwrapped gifts everywhere. And, in the midst of all the mess, B yells, "Let's play TWISTER!"
So, we did. And it's a funky version of Twister, if I do say so myself. On the spinner, there's a purple dot that requires the players to stick their hand/feet in the air until the next spin. Another dot allows the spinner to create their own move, i.e. "Pat your head 3 times with your left hand." before spinning again. It. Is. A. Pain. And when B is the spinner, he takes f-o-r-e-v-e-r to make up his mind on what he wants us to do.
After we played several rounds of Twister, getting increasingly louder and thump(ier) with each round, the boys started picking at each other. Actually, they were doing that before Twister, and I must say...I was pretty disappointed that they hadn't even been around each other for 2 hours before it started. It's so frustrating as a parent to watch your kids fight nonstop, to know that somewhere (really deep down, it would seem) that they really do love each other, but not knowing if or when that love for each other will ever surface.
By the time they were in bed, after a train wreck of a Skype session with my sister and arguments galore, I was in the kitchen questioning why I even came home from Houston. Truthfully, I'd rather still be there right now. The fighting and the yelling and the hitting and the just being crappy to each other is a total beat down. I have tons of friends with kids who are the roughly the same distance apart in age, and never hear of the issues that I face on a daily basis.
And it makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong. If, being in a single parent household, where the parent is a female, is adding to the problem. I'm not the most patient person in the world, and it seems to be further exacerbated by the boys and their equally short fuses. Sometimes it feels like we're living inside a tiny time bomb...and there are regular mini-explosions just to let us know the big one is on the horizon. If there were someone (even slightly more calm than I am) around to help diffuse the issues, would it be better? Who knows, but they're stuck with me, so God help us.
We had a powwow after my mom left tonight, and I tried to explain to them, as calmly as I could, that we're all each other has over here. B was quick to jump in saying he had his dad and stepmom, but I explained that they don't live here. (Thank the Lord for that, okay?) We are a family, and while they are a part of our family, they're like some kind of branch, while our family is the trunk. It was completely insightful...until B asked if he could climb us.
Why do I even bother?
Meanwhile, N (who's decided he wants to become more healthy and exercise more) has been griping for the last 45 minutes about how he needs a snack. I explained that eating this late at night isn't a good choice, and he blatantly ignored me, muttering about french fries and granola bars and other food-related items under his breath.
I'm so glad he already has the grumpy old man thing down. It'll save him some time later on in life.
I threw three bags of wrapping paper/trash down the stairs and 4 boxes crammed full of the remnants of Christmas presents. The trash guys are going to love me tomorrow morning. I'm staring at our Christmas tree now, dreading taking it down. It still smells wonderful...but I'm also kind of anxious to get my living room back to normal. Right now, part of the living room is in my room, and I'm tired of tripping over it.
Also on my "to do" list? Grocery shopping (milk is a necessity, as are hot cocoa K cups) and finishing this dang "Quilting Santa" puzzle. Oh, and hooking up the Xbox to save my sanity, if that's even possible at this point.
All signs point to "No."
Aubs
Monday, December 31, 2012
Saturday, December 29, 2012
The girl who lived in a bubble
I love hanging out with my family. That might make me weird, but I don't even care if we're doing anything...just being able to be around the people I care about the most makes my heart happy. My dad used to live MAYBE 5 minutes away from me. I saw him almost every single day and I talked to him daily. The boys and I would drop by his house on our way to/from the "cool train park with the zip line by the library" near his house, or I'd go over there when it was just me to hang out. It became one of the "norms" in my life...
And then, last August, he moved to Houston. It was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be...especially for me. I went from seeing him most days to not seeing him for weeks at a time. We didn't even talk on a daily basis because he was busy with his new job and I was trying to keep things together: boys, school, my sanity, etc. Going to my dad's house was an escape for me, a stress reliever of sorts, and I don't know if he ever really knew how much his house was a haven for me.
I know it was a haven for him too...when people (me) didn't randomly show up to escape. No, he may disagree and say it drove him crazy, but I know he loved it. Most of the time. We would watch movies or just talk, go out to eat or cook something together, and mostly just "be." And it was so great.
I can still do that, and I know that...but it's a much longer drive now. I make the drive willingly, even eagerly, because it's my dad. I don't know how much longer he'll be around. Nothing in life is a guarantee except if you are born, you will eventually die. Those are really the only guarantees we have, and one is entirely reliant upon the other.
How's that for deep?
Speaking of deep...I was listening to the radio on the way home from our afternoon of errands, and "I Hope You Dance" came on whatever radio station is programmed as 5 on FM2 in my dad's truck. I've sung that song hundreds of times, but never really paid a lot of attention to the words. Until now. I don't know what made me really listen, but something made me pay attention.
Okay, I was half paying attention, and half listening to my dad talk about how his neighborhood used to be a sugar plantation hundreds of years ago until the daughters of the plantation owners sold it and lived in a mansion that's still intact somewhere around here today. I'm a good half listener. Anyway, while part of my brain was (obviously) processing his story, the other half was listening to the words.
And they actually make sense. I mean, they've always made sense, but they made sense in my life today. See, I've been sitting out for a few years now. I haven't found anyone worth dancing with, but I haven't really been out there, looking for someone to dance with either. I had it in my brain that if I found a new dance partner, it would be someone that I already knew, someone I had been waiting for for a ridiculously long time. But, the thing is, that's not reality. If this person and I were supposed to have our chance to dance, it would've happened by now, and the fact that it hasn't is kind of disheartening, but that's the way life goes.
On paper, it would have made sense. There was always an interest, always a piece of each of us that wondered about what might've/could've/should've/would've been if things had gone differently, but they didn't. And I have to think that they didn't for some reason that's bigger than anything I can comprehend...and I can comprehend a LOT. Now, I'm not saying it couldn't ever happen, because stranger things have happened, and strange things usually happen in my life, but I finally realized that I was no longer holding my breath.
That realization was both a relief and a sadness I haven't felt in a while. It was the one tiny thing I held onto, a little piece of hope, and to realize that it isn't there anymore (or it's significantly smaller than the tiny piece it was) is a little heartbreaking.
I love this person. I've loved them for a long time...and no matter what life throws at either one of us, that's been one constant in my life that has never wavered. It still hasn't, it just seems like it's adapting a little bit and I'm not sure how I feel about that, to be quite honest. This person puts a smile on my face when others can't, and gets me when nobody else does. He's potentially my best friend, or he could be if we talked more often. I know, without a doubt, that if I need advice, I can turn to him, and vice versa. Of course, getting advice from me is full of my opinions and relating it to things I know about, but I'm rarely wrong... Fact.
And I always tell it like it is. I don't have to worry about hurting his feelings, just like he never has to worry about hurting mine...usually. The strange thing about people is that their feelings do get hurt unintentionally and without real cause sometimes. I know neither of us would ever hurt the other on purpose. We've done it in the past, and it didn't make either one of us feel that great. We swore we'd never do it again, so we'll see how that goes.
I hope everyone has a friend they can relate to, regardless of the time that's passed since you last spoke or saw each other. It's such an amazing thing: a relationship with no holds barred.
It's what I know I need if I ever don't want to be single...but it can be hard to find, especially when you go out looking for it, which is why I don't. It's why I keep my head down and do what I do: I parent, I do homework, I spend time with my family every chance I get (and sometimes I make the chances happen), I grocery shop, I help at school, I do laundry, I clean the house, and I cook. To step outside of that comfort zone freaks me out a little bit.
To step outside of the comfort zone of those I love the most terrifies me. I like my little bubble, and I'm struggling with the realization that I can be so much more...
if I just break out of the bubble and let people in.
Aubs
And then, last August, he moved to Houston. It was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be...especially for me. I went from seeing him most days to not seeing him for weeks at a time. We didn't even talk on a daily basis because he was busy with his new job and I was trying to keep things together: boys, school, my sanity, etc. Going to my dad's house was an escape for me, a stress reliever of sorts, and I don't know if he ever really knew how much his house was a haven for me.
I know it was a haven for him too...when people (me) didn't randomly show up to escape. No, he may disagree and say it drove him crazy, but I know he loved it. Most of the time. We would watch movies or just talk, go out to eat or cook something together, and mostly just "be." And it was so great.
I can still do that, and I know that...but it's a much longer drive now. I make the drive willingly, even eagerly, because it's my dad. I don't know how much longer he'll be around. Nothing in life is a guarantee except if you are born, you will eventually die. Those are really the only guarantees we have, and one is entirely reliant upon the other.
How's that for deep?
Speaking of deep...I was listening to the radio on the way home from our afternoon of errands, and "I Hope You Dance" came on whatever radio station is programmed as 5 on FM2 in my dad's truck. I've sung that song hundreds of times, but never really paid a lot of attention to the words. Until now. I don't know what made me really listen, but something made me pay attention.
Okay, I was half paying attention, and half listening to my dad talk about how his neighborhood used to be a sugar plantation hundreds of years ago until the daughters of the plantation owners sold it and lived in a mansion that's still intact somewhere around here today. I'm a good half listener. Anyway, while part of my brain was (obviously) processing his story, the other half was listening to the words.
And they actually make sense. I mean, they've always made sense, but they made sense in my life today. See, I've been sitting out for a few years now. I haven't found anyone worth dancing with, but I haven't really been out there, looking for someone to dance with either. I had it in my brain that if I found a new dance partner, it would be someone that I already knew, someone I had been waiting for for a ridiculously long time. But, the thing is, that's not reality. If this person and I were supposed to have our chance to dance, it would've happened by now, and the fact that it hasn't is kind of disheartening, but that's the way life goes.
On paper, it would have made sense. There was always an interest, always a piece of each of us that wondered about what might've/could've/should've/would've been if things had gone differently, but they didn't. And I have to think that they didn't for some reason that's bigger than anything I can comprehend...and I can comprehend a LOT. Now, I'm not saying it couldn't ever happen, because stranger things have happened, and strange things usually happen in my life, but I finally realized that I was no longer holding my breath.
That realization was both a relief and a sadness I haven't felt in a while. It was the one tiny thing I held onto, a little piece of hope, and to realize that it isn't there anymore (or it's significantly smaller than the tiny piece it was) is a little heartbreaking.
I love this person. I've loved them for a long time...and no matter what life throws at either one of us, that's been one constant in my life that has never wavered. It still hasn't, it just seems like it's adapting a little bit and I'm not sure how I feel about that, to be quite honest. This person puts a smile on my face when others can't, and gets me when nobody else does. He's potentially my best friend, or he could be if we talked more often. I know, without a doubt, that if I need advice, I can turn to him, and vice versa. Of course, getting advice from me is full of my opinions and relating it to things I know about, but I'm rarely wrong... Fact.
And I always tell it like it is. I don't have to worry about hurting his feelings, just like he never has to worry about hurting mine...usually. The strange thing about people is that their feelings do get hurt unintentionally and without real cause sometimes. I know neither of us would ever hurt the other on purpose. We've done it in the past, and it didn't make either one of us feel that great. We swore we'd never do it again, so we'll see how that goes.
I hope everyone has a friend they can relate to, regardless of the time that's passed since you last spoke or saw each other. It's such an amazing thing: a relationship with no holds barred.
It's what I know I need if I ever don't want to be single...but it can be hard to find, especially when you go out looking for it, which is why I don't. It's why I keep my head down and do what I do: I parent, I do homework, I spend time with my family every chance I get (and sometimes I make the chances happen), I grocery shop, I help at school, I do laundry, I clean the house, and I cook. To step outside of that comfort zone freaks me out a little bit.
To step outside of the comfort zone of those I love the most terrifies me. I like my little bubble, and I'm struggling with the realization that I can be so much more...
if I just break out of the bubble and let people in.
Aubs
Friday, December 28, 2012
Tech just won their bowl game!
The crappy weather followed me to Houston. It's true. I'm sorry. Today was windy and chilly, so I parked my behind inside my dad's house and caught up on the shows that my dvr in Dallas forgot to record. My dvr is really to blame. I had the timers set and everything. It's the box, I promise. They've offered to replace it at least 4 times, but I can't ever get caught up enough to just let them replace it.
That was entirely TMI about my dvr woes.
My dad, sister, and I hung out tonight. My Seester is feeling quite puny, and came to my dad's equipped with her own private arsenal of cold combatants. I felt so sad for her: sneezing and hand washing, only to sneeze again and have to restart the entire process. We went out to grab some pizza before the Tech game started, and I have to say...it was one of the best veggie pizzas I've had in a long time. I can't wait to try to "freethrow" tomorrow. It had meat on it, and looked super yummy, too.
We got back to my dad's just in time for the game. As I'm typing this, it hasn't ended yet...so I'm on the edge of my seat. It's been quite the game: penalties, bad sportsmanship on both sides, and has anyone else noticed that the Minnesota coach actually looks like he's a gopher when he gets pissed? It's pretty funny to watch.
And, while we're on the subject, what's up with McCoy and Hicks being stupid? I'm a little irritated that two individuals who are supposedly moral and decent are the subject of investigation and are no longer bowl eligible. It's too bad...but it just goes to show you that choices matter. They willingly made a collective poor choice, and they won't be the only ones who suffer the consequences. It's a shame.
Enough about football. Yeah, I really just typed that. I could go on and on about football, and how it will be SO much fun to watch Tech football next season. All I have to say is good choice on the head coach selection. He will make watching the sidelines MUCH more interesting, I believe. I also believe I'm not alone on this one.
My dad, Seester, and I did a mini-Christmas together tonight. I had already opened my presents from my sister at the beginning of December, but my dad hadn't. I also brought presents from my mom to my sister (TOUCHDOWN TECH!!!) and my dad. My dad got a Christmas puzzle from my mom (which my sister and I will more than likely complete at some point), a gel mat for his kitchen from my sister & brother-in-law, and original artwork (complete with frame and mat) from each of the boys. My sister got a bunch of good stuff: a cookbook she wanted, "It's a Wonderful Life" on dvd, a Christmas puzzle (do you see a trend here?), a collapsible colander, and a little bell (think hotel front desk "Ring Bell for Service") among other things. I got a bird weight for pie baking, that allows the steam to escape...and a Keurig from my dad! Oh, happy day!
I don't drink coffee everyday, so I find it somewhat silly to make coffee in my 12 cup coffee maker. Now, I don't have to! I'm so thrilled! I've wanted a Keurig practically forever, and when I moved into my apartment in June, I started lobbying for one. My dad told me to have patience, and I did...I just started going to Starbucks instead of making my own. I'm pretty sure that's not what he meant, but now I don't have to worry about it anymore.
And tomorrow, I can make (INTERCEPTION TECH IN FIELD GOAL RANGE!!!!!!!) each of us our own flavor of coffee if I so desire. And I might desire. Also, I'm compiling a list of things to do with my dad tomorrow. It mostly consists of running errands and getting stuff.
I might even shoot his pellet gun tomorrow. That's something that should strike a bit of fear in anyone who knows me at all. Aubrey with any sort of weapon? Scary stuff.
I intend to take my dad to get his own Starbucks syrup tomorrow. He used mine when I brought it down in November, and I can't get the lid off to use it. Sad. Also, I need a little basket thingy for my Keurig so I can use the rest of my coffee that I have open right now. It's Vanilla Coconut Macaroon or something like that, and it's super delicious. I haven't seen "Trouble with the Curve" yet, and so I think (FIELD GOAL TECH!!! WRECK 'EM!) we'll go buy that tomorrow so we can watch it. I redboxed it, but still haven't watched it. And I love a good baseball movie. And a good pair of baseball pants. And...it's almost time!
My sister mentioned (to my dad) that she and I should go see George Strait at the Houston Rodeo this year since it's his last tour...ever. I don't think my dad was impressed with our reasoning, but it has become our (my) goal in life to make this happen. We went to see him together when Texas Stadium was still "alive" and Kenny Chesney and Tim McGraw had just been arrested for stealing a cop's horse in New York. Ahhh, the good ol' days. Seriously, though. How fun would that be?! It has to happen...it just HAS to!
I would argue that George Strait is the reason I started listening to country music...and one of the many reasons why I still absolutely love it. But, y'all? I really love Dustin Lynch right now, too. I was listening to him on my iPod this afternoon, and was practically crying. And speaking of crying...my sister and I were trying to make each other cry by watching super adorable lip sync proposals on youtube.
Creative points, for sure!
Aubs
That was entirely TMI about my dvr woes.
My dad, sister, and I hung out tonight. My Seester is feeling quite puny, and came to my dad's equipped with her own private arsenal of cold combatants. I felt so sad for her: sneezing and hand washing, only to sneeze again and have to restart the entire process. We went out to grab some pizza before the Tech game started, and I have to say...it was one of the best veggie pizzas I've had in a long time. I can't wait to try to "freethrow" tomorrow. It had meat on it, and looked super yummy, too.
We got back to my dad's just in time for the game. As I'm typing this, it hasn't ended yet...so I'm on the edge of my seat. It's been quite the game: penalties, bad sportsmanship on both sides, and has anyone else noticed that the Minnesota coach actually looks like he's a gopher when he gets pissed? It's pretty funny to watch.
And, while we're on the subject, what's up with McCoy and Hicks being stupid? I'm a little irritated that two individuals who are supposedly moral and decent are the subject of investigation and are no longer bowl eligible. It's too bad...but it just goes to show you that choices matter. They willingly made a collective poor choice, and they won't be the only ones who suffer the consequences. It's a shame.
Enough about football. Yeah, I really just typed that. I could go on and on about football, and how it will be SO much fun to watch Tech football next season. All I have to say is good choice on the head coach selection. He will make watching the sidelines MUCH more interesting, I believe. I also believe I'm not alone on this one.
My dad, Seester, and I did a mini-Christmas together tonight. I had already opened my presents from my sister at the beginning of December, but my dad hadn't. I also brought presents from my mom to my sister (TOUCHDOWN TECH!!!) and my dad. My dad got a Christmas puzzle from my mom (which my sister and I will more than likely complete at some point), a gel mat for his kitchen from my sister & brother-in-law, and original artwork (complete with frame and mat) from each of the boys. My sister got a bunch of good stuff: a cookbook she wanted, "It's a Wonderful Life" on dvd, a Christmas puzzle (do you see a trend here?), a collapsible colander, and a little bell (think hotel front desk "Ring Bell for Service") among other things. I got a bird weight for pie baking, that allows the steam to escape...and a Keurig from my dad! Oh, happy day!
I don't drink coffee everyday, so I find it somewhat silly to make coffee in my 12 cup coffee maker. Now, I don't have to! I'm so thrilled! I've wanted a Keurig practically forever, and when I moved into my apartment in June, I started lobbying for one. My dad told me to have patience, and I did...I just started going to Starbucks instead of making my own. I'm pretty sure that's not what he meant, but now I don't have to worry about it anymore.
And tomorrow, I can make (INTERCEPTION TECH IN FIELD GOAL RANGE!!!!!!!) each of us our own flavor of coffee if I so desire. And I might desire. Also, I'm compiling a list of things to do with my dad tomorrow. It mostly consists of running errands and getting stuff.
I might even shoot his pellet gun tomorrow. That's something that should strike a bit of fear in anyone who knows me at all. Aubrey with any sort of weapon? Scary stuff.
I intend to take my dad to get his own Starbucks syrup tomorrow. He used mine when I brought it down in November, and I can't get the lid off to use it. Sad. Also, I need a little basket thingy for my Keurig so I can use the rest of my coffee that I have open right now. It's Vanilla Coconut Macaroon or something like that, and it's super delicious. I haven't seen "Trouble with the Curve" yet, and so I think (FIELD GOAL TECH!!! WRECK 'EM!) we'll go buy that tomorrow so we can watch it. I redboxed it, but still haven't watched it. And I love a good baseball movie. And a good pair of baseball pants. And...it's almost time!
My sister mentioned (to my dad) that she and I should go see George Strait at the Houston Rodeo this year since it's his last tour...ever. I don't think my dad was impressed with our reasoning, but it has become our (my) goal in life to make this happen. We went to see him together when Texas Stadium was still "alive" and Kenny Chesney and Tim McGraw had just been arrested for stealing a cop's horse in New York. Ahhh, the good ol' days. Seriously, though. How fun would that be?! It has to happen...it just HAS to!
I would argue that George Strait is the reason I started listening to country music...and one of the many reasons why I still absolutely love it. But, y'all? I really love Dustin Lynch right now, too. I was listening to him on my iPod this afternoon, and was practically crying. And speaking of crying...my sister and I were trying to make each other cry by watching super adorable lip sync proposals on youtube.
Creative points, for sure!
Aubs
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Chivalry is not dead...
it's just really hard to find.
Since I've been all by myself this week, I've been pretty bored. My house is clean, the laundry is done, presents are waiting to be opened when the boys come home on Sunday, and I'm left with nothing to do. Yesterday, I was pretty much stuck in my apartment because of the ice. Today, it partially melted, but required the help of the maintenance men and some de-icing stuff. My stairwell doesn't really get much time in the sun, so while most other stairwells were clear, mine was still mostly frozen.
Late last night, when I couldn't sleep and my brain started to think of creative things to do, I decided I didn't want to be at home anymore. So, as soon as I could, I escaped...and I drove to Houston.
I realize this doesn't come as a shock to most of you, because if you know me at all, you know I like being here in Houston more than I like being in Dallas. It was, however, a shock to my dad when his doorbell rang this evening.
He opened the door, and it took a second for it to register...then, "Aubrey?"
It was priceless! I hugged him tight and told him I missed him...and promptly turned around to go get goodies out of the trunk of my car. I brought down presents! Presents from the boys and me, presents from my mom, presents for him, and presents for my sister and brother-in-law.
Seester is coming over tomorrow to watch the Meineke Bowl game, because my brother-in-law is headed to San Antonio to go to the Alamo Bowl! I'm so excited to spend time with both my sister and my dad. I missed having them around this Christmas.
Chivalry. Okay, then.
I stopped in Madisonville to get gas, and pulled into the gas station at the same time as this really nice red 4-door GMC. I have a thing for guys and trucks, so I was totally hopeful that the person getting out would a) be a man, and b) be somewhat attractive. I know. I'm shallow.
Imagine my surprise when the man, who was pretty cute by the way, got out wearing a hoodie and a backwards baseball cap. These are a few of my favorite things! It had been raining for the majority of my drive so far, and I was wearing flip flops with my yoga pants, so I jumped out, swiped my card, and looked up as a voice said, "Hey, what kind of gas do you want?"
Startled, I looked up...way up, and said, "Regular?" He said, "I got this. You go get in the car so you don't get soaked." I thanked him, and jumped in my car, since my feet and calves were already completely wet.
He finished pumping my gas, and as I got out to thank him, he motioned for me to close the door and roll down the window instead. Um, duh...makes way more sense. So, I did, and thanked him again. He said it was his pleasure, and told me to have a safe trip, before going back to his truck to pump his own gas.
I sat there for a second, trying to think of when the last time was that someone had done that for me...and I was at a loss. It just goes to show you, though, there are pretty decent people out there...somewhere.
Since Christmas is over, I listened to country on my ipod for the majority of my trip. I absolutely love all types of music, but country is probably my favorite. As I was driving along, I was like, "Ooooh, that's a good line. Oh, I need to use that one. Hmmmm, that would be a great facebook post."
I think I have a problem. And all the while, knowing I'm going to Houston to see my family, I still feel hollow. I wish I knew why that was, or how I could fix it. It would definitely make things easier.
I talked to a friend for part of the drive about dating and putting yourself out there and trying to weed out the decent people from the ridiculous people. It's a really fine line sometimes..."and that's why I just don't do it." I told him.
At some point, though, I'm either going to have to put myself out there or make peace with being forever single. That's a toss-up where there isn't really a winner, no matter which way things go.
Aubs
Since I've been all by myself this week, I've been pretty bored. My house is clean, the laundry is done, presents are waiting to be opened when the boys come home on Sunday, and I'm left with nothing to do. Yesterday, I was pretty much stuck in my apartment because of the ice. Today, it partially melted, but required the help of the maintenance men and some de-icing stuff. My stairwell doesn't really get much time in the sun, so while most other stairwells were clear, mine was still mostly frozen.
Late last night, when I couldn't sleep and my brain started to think of creative things to do, I decided I didn't want to be at home anymore. So, as soon as I could, I escaped...and I drove to Houston.
I realize this doesn't come as a shock to most of you, because if you know me at all, you know I like being here in Houston more than I like being in Dallas. It was, however, a shock to my dad when his doorbell rang this evening.
He opened the door, and it took a second for it to register...then, "Aubrey?"
It was priceless! I hugged him tight and told him I missed him...and promptly turned around to go get goodies out of the trunk of my car. I brought down presents! Presents from the boys and me, presents from my mom, presents for him, and presents for my sister and brother-in-law.
Seester is coming over tomorrow to watch the Meineke Bowl game, because my brother-in-law is headed to San Antonio to go to the Alamo Bowl! I'm so excited to spend time with both my sister and my dad. I missed having them around this Christmas.
Chivalry. Okay, then.
I stopped in Madisonville to get gas, and pulled into the gas station at the same time as this really nice red 4-door GMC. I have a thing for guys and trucks, so I was totally hopeful that the person getting out would a) be a man, and b) be somewhat attractive. I know. I'm shallow.
Imagine my surprise when the man, who was pretty cute by the way, got out wearing a hoodie and a backwards baseball cap. These are a few of my favorite things! It had been raining for the majority of my drive so far, and I was wearing flip flops with my yoga pants, so I jumped out, swiped my card, and looked up as a voice said, "Hey, what kind of gas do you want?"
Startled, I looked up...way up, and said, "Regular?" He said, "I got this. You go get in the car so you don't get soaked." I thanked him, and jumped in my car, since my feet and calves were already completely wet.
He finished pumping my gas, and as I got out to thank him, he motioned for me to close the door and roll down the window instead. Um, duh...makes way more sense. So, I did, and thanked him again. He said it was his pleasure, and told me to have a safe trip, before going back to his truck to pump his own gas.
I sat there for a second, trying to think of when the last time was that someone had done that for me...and I was at a loss. It just goes to show you, though, there are pretty decent people out there...somewhere.
Since Christmas is over, I listened to country on my ipod for the majority of my trip. I absolutely love all types of music, but country is probably my favorite. As I was driving along, I was like, "Ooooh, that's a good line. Oh, I need to use that one. Hmmmm, that would be a great facebook post."
I think I have a problem. And all the while, knowing I'm going to Houston to see my family, I still feel hollow. I wish I knew why that was, or how I could fix it. It would definitely make things easier.
I talked to a friend for part of the drive about dating and putting yourself out there and trying to weed out the decent people from the ridiculous people. It's a really fine line sometimes..."and that's why I just don't do it." I told him.
At some point, though, I'm either going to have to put myself out there or make peace with being forever single. That's a toss-up where there isn't really a winner, no matter which way things go.
Aubs
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Determination to be mindless and relax seldom works as you want it to...
I think everyone is entitled to a day of mindless activity every once in a while...and I think the best day to take advantage of that is when it's below freezing outside. All day. In Dallas. So, I did. Except I didn't really go for completely mindless activity.
I slept in, and then made myself sleep a little more. I was in the middle of a very good dream when I woke up this morning, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get back to it. Don't you hate it when that happens? I'm forever hopeful that I'll find out what happens tonight or sometime in the near future. Then again, when you hope something happens, that's usually when it disappears permanently.
How's that for optimism? Ugh.
I made some macaroon coffee, complete with whipped cream and coconut on top...just because I felt like being fancy. I'm usually a "no-whip, non-fat" kind of girl, so it was quite the indulgence. As I sipped (okay gulped) my coffee, I caught up on some email and blog reading, and it was quite peaceful...
Until I decided I'd had enough "mindless" activity. Granted, none of that was mindless, but it was more mindless than I usually go for. SO, I decided that I would get back on the workout train. Remember when I decided to workout every single day for 60 days? Um, I do too...vaguely.
My jeans will be the first to tell you that never happened. So, I started back a week or so with minimal effort. I don't know if it was the cold weather or the fact that I creeped myself out when I looked in the mirror, but I hit it full force today, and I'm pretty sure that will continue for weeks to come. And after I got all sweaty, I opened the back door for approximately 10 minutes, or until my teeth were chattering, and then resolved to do it again tomorrow. After all, I don't go back to school until January 22...I have a full month at my disposal.
I needed to bust out of my apartment for a while. I was totally stir crazy, so I some clothes on and opened the front door. The "porch" of my second floor apartment was covered in a sheet of ice. Super. I maneuvered myself to the top of the stairs, and saw that the entire staircase was a solid sheet of ice. Did this stop me? No. I contemplated channeling Kevin McAlister from Home Alone and sledding down the stairs, but felt the rock wall and prickly bushes at the base of the staircase might cause some damage. I decided to attempt it anyway, so off I went.
I made it down without incident, but as I looked up, I wondered how I was going to get back up there. I got the mail and promptly threw it away. It's Wednesday...read: ad day. I went over to my car, to contemplate going somewhere, but my door handles were mostly frozen shut. Apparently, my apartment complex doesn't turn off the sprinklers when temperatures drop below freezing, resulting in a solid sheet of ice on 75% my car.
So, I walked back over to the stairs and stared at my task at hand:
I'm not sure how I managed it, but I got back up the stairs, unscathed. I congratulated myself with a bubble bath, flannel pjs, and a bottle of water.
Do I know how to live it up, or what?
And now, here I sit...ready to be mindless again, only now my brain is full of ideas and thoughts. Someone needs to tell it that 11:00 p.m. is not the time for it to fill with thoughts that need to be thunk.
Also, my brain is thinking my feet needs socks...but that would require getting up.
Want to take bets on that happening?
Aubs
I slept in, and then made myself sleep a little more. I was in the middle of a very good dream when I woke up this morning, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get back to it. Don't you hate it when that happens? I'm forever hopeful that I'll find out what happens tonight or sometime in the near future. Then again, when you hope something happens, that's usually when it disappears permanently.
How's that for optimism? Ugh.
I made some macaroon coffee, complete with whipped cream and coconut on top...just because I felt like being fancy. I'm usually a "no-whip, non-fat" kind of girl, so it was quite the indulgence. As I sipped (okay gulped) my coffee, I caught up on some email and blog reading, and it was quite peaceful...
Until I decided I'd had enough "mindless" activity. Granted, none of that was mindless, but it was more mindless than I usually go for. SO, I decided that I would get back on the workout train. Remember when I decided to workout every single day for 60 days? Um, I do too...vaguely.
My jeans will be the first to tell you that never happened. So, I started back a week or so with minimal effort. I don't know if it was the cold weather or the fact that I creeped myself out when I looked in the mirror, but I hit it full force today, and I'm pretty sure that will continue for weeks to come. And after I got all sweaty, I opened the back door for approximately 10 minutes, or until my teeth were chattering, and then resolved to do it again tomorrow. After all, I don't go back to school until January 22...I have a full month at my disposal.
I needed to bust out of my apartment for a while. I was totally stir crazy, so I some clothes on and opened the front door. The "porch" of my second floor apartment was covered in a sheet of ice. Super. I maneuvered myself to the top of the stairs, and saw that the entire staircase was a solid sheet of ice. Did this stop me? No. I contemplated channeling Kevin McAlister from Home Alone and sledding down the stairs, but felt the rock wall and prickly bushes at the base of the staircase might cause some damage. I decided to attempt it anyway, so off I went.
I made it down without incident, but as I looked up, I wondered how I was going to get back up there. I got the mail and promptly threw it away. It's Wednesday...read: ad day. I went over to my car, to contemplate going somewhere, but my door handles were mostly frozen shut. Apparently, my apartment complex doesn't turn off the sprinklers when temperatures drop below freezing, resulting in a solid sheet of ice on 75% my car.
So, I walked back over to the stairs and stared at my task at hand:
Do I know how to live it up, or what?
And now, here I sit...ready to be mindless again, only now my brain is full of ideas and thoughts. Someone needs to tell it that 11:00 p.m. is not the time for it to fill with thoughts that need to be thunk.
Also, my brain is thinking my feet needs socks...but that would require getting up.
Want to take bets on that happening?
Aubs
Laidback Christmas
I woke up to post after post (after post) from parents
detailing their Christmas mornings with their children. Most were completed by 10:00 a.m., which is
approximately when I decided to roll out of bed. See, I’m flying solo this Christmas, so I had
a leisurely morning at my mom’s house.
We (she) made omelets, we drank coffee, we watched Home Alone, and
finished the puzzle she had started. It
was so nice and relaxing, but it was totally weird, too. To have such a low key Christmas, when I’m
used to the excitement and chaos of Christmas with children, left me feeling
completely hollow. I know I have to
share, and I’m okay with that, but it’s the first year that I haven’t at least
seen (let alone talked to) both boys. It’s
definitely been an adjustment. And then, I looked up and out the window and it was snowing!
 |
| When the snow first began...an hour later... |
 |
| Heading to my aunt & uncle's there was already a 2" drift on my windshield |
After we marveled at the snow and got ready, we drove (separately)
to my aunt & uncle’s house in Highland Village for some more Christmas
fun. They have three children ranging
from 5th grade through 8th grade.
By then, it looked like this outside:
.jpg) |
| Yay, snow! |
 |
| Just to prove I was actually wearing a coat... |
My grandmother was there, Clif & Colton
came to hang out with our family, and my aunt’s parents were there as
well. We played a monster game of Phase
10, where I came in at phase 1 when the rest of them were on phase 4-5, and
still ended up winning. There were rumors
of cheating, but they were false. Plus,
I’d like to see them prove it.
 |
| I just love these boys...so SO much. They're totally the brothers I never had...except they pretty much ARE my brothers. |
Time with Clif & Colton is something I rarely get, and I’m
so sad to see it end. While we were all
there, my sister called from St. Louis, where she’s spending the holidays with
her husband’s family, so I talked to her for a few minutes, and then my mom
talked to her for FOREVER. Once it was
dark, and the roads were all iced over, it made perfect sense to make the drive
home. Duh! My drive was a much easier drive than
everyone else’s since I can literally turn 5 times throughout a 15 minute drive
and be home. I didn’t realize I was that
close to them.
When I got home and applauded myself for not falling down
the stairs that were covered in ice and disguised by a layer of snow, I checked
my thermostat, and this is what I saw:
 |
| Uh, that says 64. Degrees. Fahrenheit. |
It was pretty chilly in here, folks! I turned on the heat, changed into some comfy pj pants, and FINALLY figured out my SKYPE password...just in time for a Skype date with my Seester! It was a great chat with my sister, whom I always miss and which I could see more often, and I had fun talking to my brother-in-law, who was lurking, with only his shoulder visible. We agreed to have Skype dates more often, and I think the boys will love them almost as much as I do.
Also, one of my closest friends, Amy, got engaged tonight! I'm so excited for her and her new little family. He's a lucky guy...and he's TOTALLY outnumbered. With his two girls and Amy and her daughter, PJ, he's completely outnumbered, but I'm pretty sure he loves every single minute of it. I can't wait to hear all about wedding plans!
Before my night was over, I called a friend to see how her holiday was, and we had a great chat about so many things. I started telling her one of the many stories of my life, and had to break it down into two parts so she could go to work tomorrow. I'm pretty sure I have her hooked enough for part two tomorrow...and maybe she'll be able to make more sense of it than I can. Maybe.
Until then, y'all...
Aubs
Monday, December 24, 2012
Elves don't always have pointy ears...
So, I have a confession to make...this tragedy in Connecticut has been almost incapacitating to me. My life revolves around 5th grade and 1st grade, and it's been entirely too easy (in the worst possible way) for my to transpose myself into the lives of the parents who lost their children. I don't know if that's healthy or not, but I am appreciative of the fact that I'm able to grasp even a tiny inkling of what they must be feeling...because I think it helps me to be a better person and a better parent. Or, at the very least, I hope I'll get there.
Anyway, the children and adults who lost their lives have been on my brain so often. At church on Sunday, our pastor read the poem that's been circulating the web. It goes like this:
"Twas' 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38
when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven's gate.
their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air.
they could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there.
they were filled with such joy, they didn't know what to say.
they remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day.
"where are we?" asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse.
"this is heaven." declared a small boy. "we're spending Christmas at God's house."
when what to their wondering eyes did appear,
but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near.
He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same.
then He opened His arms and He called them by name.
and in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring
those children all flew into the arms of their King
and as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace,
one small girl turned and looked at Jesus' face.
and as if He could read all the questions she had
He gently whispered to her, "I'll take care of mom and dad."
then He looked down on earth, the world far below
He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe
then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand,
"Let My power and presence re-enter this land!"
"may this country be delivered from the hands of fools"
"I'm taking back my nation. I'm taking back my schools!"
then He and the children stood up without a sound.
"come now my children, let me show you around."
excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran.
all displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.
and i heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight,
"in the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT."
I knew I wasn't alone in my sorrow, and I was relieved to see that I wasn't the only one who was a soggy mess as he read it to the congregation. In fact, the woman next to me passed me a kleenex from her husband as she took one for herself. It is so tragic, and so many people can relate, whether they have kids that age or they're teachers or any number of reasons. Sadly, the holidays are often a time of loss. It isn't ever planned or even anticipated, but it happens entirely too often.
Enough of the depressing...let's get to the elfing! Because of the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary, and the fact that I'm always thinking about these kids I won't ever meet until I get to heaven, I decided to jump on the Random Acts of Kindness train. I won't call it a bandwagon, because I pray that it's something that sticks. People need to be nicer to each other in this world.
I am actually doing 28 random acts of kindness in honor of everyone who lost their lives. I wavered on doing something in honor of the shooter, but decided that he probably needed the most help of all, and while I will never understand why he did what he did, I will do something to start the process of counteracting the evil by doing good. I began by taking 9 cards and writing quotes about kindness on them. Then, I added a little note wishing the recipients a happy holiday season, and ended it with "Random act of kindness in honor of Sandy Hook Elementary student ________, (age)."
I had a gift card in my wallet that had been there for a while, so that was the first card. I went to Old Navy to pick up some Christmas jammies for my mom, and walked around looking for the right person to give the card to. I saw a woman with her son, and her son was probably N's age. I walked up to her, handed her the card, and said, "Merry Christmas!" As I walked off, I heard the boy ask her what was in it. On each envelope, I had written "Random Act of Kindness #__" so she started explaining what that meant. To her her explain to her child how it was a good feeling to do for others, even when you don't know them, made me sure I'd given it to the right person.
As I waited to pay, I thought about what I would do next. I bought two $10 gift cards, and gave one to the lady behind me who looked completely stressed out. I gave another one to a woman who looked so sad walking through the parking lot. It's not much, but it's the unexpected gift that (I hope) will make peoples' days...not the amount. My next stop was Starbucks, where I bought a drink in the drive-thru. When I got to the window, I purchased a $5 gift card, and paid for the car behind me. I gave the gift card back to the cashier with a note, saying, "Enjoy a cup of coffee on me today, and another one sometime in the future. Merry Christmas!" The cashier was surprised and said he had only seen that happen a handful of times.
My favorite gift of the day, though, was back in the parking lot of Old Navy. I noticed the pants I'd gotten my mom were messed up, so I went to switch them out. As I was walking through the parking lot, I saw a woman walking around, showing people a piece of paper. I never got close enough to have her try to give it to me, but I'm sure it was a note saying something to the effect of, "I have children and no money. Please help me buy them presents."
I have a problem with that. If you're going to ask people for money, have the respect for them and the self-respect to actually verbalize your wishes. Handing them a note is not nearly as humbling as asking for help. I'm not trying to be hard-hearted or callous, but I'm much more open to helping someone if they have the courage to come up to me and tell me what they need. Language barrier or not, speaking goes so much further than passing around a note. She approached a woman who went to her trunk and handed her a clear plastic bag of toys. The lady said, "Are these for me? All of them?" The elf in disguise said she had been planning to donate them, but she was happy to give them to her because she needed them. In a flash, I was digging in my purse for my emergency $20. I stuck it in an envelope, and knocked on the woman's window. When she rolled down her window, I told her that I witnessed her kindness, and wished her a Merry Christmas. The look of surprise on her face made my afternoon.
I went home, sent up Coke & cookies for Santa, took a picture, and then took an "after" picture since I'm spending Christmas Eve at my mom's house. We've been working on a puzzle, watching movies, and making spinach artichoke dip. Her jammies were a big hit, and it's been such a relaxing evening.
I hope each and every one of you have a wonderful holiday, celebrating with your loved ones and just enjoying each other. May the Lord bless you and your families, today, tomorrow, and everyday.
Aubrey
Sidenote: I have given away 5 cards so far, and can't wait to commit more random acts of kindness as the year continues and 2013 begins. Will I stop at 28? I don't know...I kind of don't think so. The feeling you're brightening someone else's day, someone you don't even know, is really one of the best feelings ever.
Anyway, the children and adults who lost their lives have been on my brain so often. At church on Sunday, our pastor read the poem that's been circulating the web. It goes like this:
"Twas' 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38
when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven's gate.
their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air.
they could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there.
they were filled with such joy, they didn't know what to say.
they remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day.
"where are we?" asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse.
"this is heaven." declared a small boy. "we're spending Christmas at God's house."
when what to their wondering eyes did appear,
but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near.
He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same.
then He opened His arms and He called them by name.
and in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring
those children all flew into the arms of their King
and as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace,
one small girl turned and looked at Jesus' face.
and as if He could read all the questions she had
He gently whispered to her, "I'll take care of mom and dad."
then He looked down on earth, the world far below
He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe
then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand,
"Let My power and presence re-enter this land!"
"may this country be delivered from the hands of fools"
"I'm taking back my nation. I'm taking back my schools!"
then He and the children stood up without a sound.
"come now my children, let me show you around."
excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran.
all displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.
and i heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight,
"in the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT."
I knew I wasn't alone in my sorrow, and I was relieved to see that I wasn't the only one who was a soggy mess as he read it to the congregation. In fact, the woman next to me passed me a kleenex from her husband as she took one for herself. It is so tragic, and so many people can relate, whether they have kids that age or they're teachers or any number of reasons. Sadly, the holidays are often a time of loss. It isn't ever planned or even anticipated, but it happens entirely too often.
Enough of the depressing...let's get to the elfing! Because of the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary, and the fact that I'm always thinking about these kids I won't ever meet until I get to heaven, I decided to jump on the Random Acts of Kindness train. I won't call it a bandwagon, because I pray that it's something that sticks. People need to be nicer to each other in this world.
I am actually doing 28 random acts of kindness in honor of everyone who lost their lives. I wavered on doing something in honor of the shooter, but decided that he probably needed the most help of all, and while I will never understand why he did what he did, I will do something to start the process of counteracting the evil by doing good. I began by taking 9 cards and writing quotes about kindness on them. Then, I added a little note wishing the recipients a happy holiday season, and ended it with "Random act of kindness in honor of Sandy Hook Elementary student ________, (age)."
I had a gift card in my wallet that had been there for a while, so that was the first card. I went to Old Navy to pick up some Christmas jammies for my mom, and walked around looking for the right person to give the card to. I saw a woman with her son, and her son was probably N's age. I walked up to her, handed her the card, and said, "Merry Christmas!" As I walked off, I heard the boy ask her what was in it. On each envelope, I had written "Random Act of Kindness #__" so she started explaining what that meant. To her her explain to her child how it was a good feeling to do for others, even when you don't know them, made me sure I'd given it to the right person.
As I waited to pay, I thought about what I would do next. I bought two $10 gift cards, and gave one to the lady behind me who looked completely stressed out. I gave another one to a woman who looked so sad walking through the parking lot. It's not much, but it's the unexpected gift that (I hope) will make peoples' days...not the amount. My next stop was Starbucks, where I bought a drink in the drive-thru. When I got to the window, I purchased a $5 gift card, and paid for the car behind me. I gave the gift card back to the cashier with a note, saying, "Enjoy a cup of coffee on me today, and another one sometime in the future. Merry Christmas!" The cashier was surprised and said he had only seen that happen a handful of times.
My favorite gift of the day, though, was back in the parking lot of Old Navy. I noticed the pants I'd gotten my mom were messed up, so I went to switch them out. As I was walking through the parking lot, I saw a woman walking around, showing people a piece of paper. I never got close enough to have her try to give it to me, but I'm sure it was a note saying something to the effect of, "I have children and no money. Please help me buy them presents."
I have a problem with that. If you're going to ask people for money, have the respect for them and the self-respect to actually verbalize your wishes. Handing them a note is not nearly as humbling as asking for help. I'm not trying to be hard-hearted or callous, but I'm much more open to helping someone if they have the courage to come up to me and tell me what they need. Language barrier or not, speaking goes so much further than passing around a note. She approached a woman who went to her trunk and handed her a clear plastic bag of toys. The lady said, "Are these for me? All of them?" The elf in disguise said she had been planning to donate them, but she was happy to give them to her because she needed them. In a flash, I was digging in my purse for my emergency $20. I stuck it in an envelope, and knocked on the woman's window. When she rolled down her window, I told her that I witnessed her kindness, and wished her a Merry Christmas. The look of surprise on her face made my afternoon.
I went home, sent up Coke & cookies for Santa, took a picture, and then took an "after" picture since I'm spending Christmas Eve at my mom's house. We've been working on a puzzle, watching movies, and making spinach artichoke dip. Her jammies were a big hit, and it's been such a relaxing evening.
I hope each and every one of you have a wonderful holiday, celebrating with your loved ones and just enjoying each other. May the Lord bless you and your families, today, tomorrow, and everyday.
Aubrey
Sidenote: I have given away 5 cards so far, and can't wait to commit more random acts of kindness as the year continues and 2013 begins. Will I stop at 28? I don't know...I kind of don't think so. The feeling you're brightening someone else's day, someone you don't even know, is really one of the best feelings ever.
Instant gratification
N and I dropped B off at children's church this morning, and N opted to go to the service with me instead of going upstairs to the 5th grade experience. The theme this year was "InstaChristmas" kind of following along the lines of Instagram: how we are so into instant gratification and are often not willing to be patient and let things happen as they're supposed to. It was interesting and inspiring, reiterating what I've been attempting to do on my own...which is stop, take a step back, take a deep breath, and just be.
I'm constantly running, but I'm not really going anywhere. I'm the first to admit I'm all about instant gratification, but I also know that sometimes that really doesn't work the best for anyone. I want so badly to know what's going to happen next, that I'm constantly focusing on that instead of living in the moment. I'm so concerned with what could happen or what I want to happen, that I don't allow myself to see and enjoy what actually IS happening. And that's no way to live.
After church, the boys and I ran a couple of quick errands and then headed home to finish picking up around the house. I had reminded the boys first thing in the morning that they needed to keep their hands off of each other unless they were being kind and playing nicely. Not surprisingly, B chose to smack his brother, so I did what I promised and spanked him. I am SO tired of them being ugly to each other, and that was the last straw. Afterwards, our conversation went a little something like this:
B (tearful and defiant): Mom, you obviously didn't listen in church today.
Me: Why's that B?
B: Because God's spirit tells us to love one another.
Me: God also tells us to honor our father and our mother.
B: When did they say that?
Me: Everyday.
B: Oh...I must've missed that one.
Obviously. N left first, and B was supposed to leave at 3:00. At 4:00, his dad came to pick him up, telling him they had a surprise waiting for him at their apartment. As soon as B ran down the stairs to get in the car, his dad told me they had gotten him a puppy. Apparently, B's stepmom's dog is getting old and crazy(ish) so a new dog will help him to calm down? I don't know. To me, it sounds like a ploy to get people to get more animals. Maybe it works...but what if the dogs don't get along? Anyway, both boys have been asking me for a dog for months, but it's not in the cards for us right now. And now, B has one at his dad's. I couldn't wait to hear what B chose for a name.
I asked him to have B call me so he could tell me his news, and I got a picture a little while later of B with the new puppy...the puppy named Chino. I'm pretty sure B has never heard of that word before, but the criteria his dad gave him was that the name had to be Spanish. Who tells a kid they can name a dog, and then dictates what the name should be? I don't understand...but it's not up to me. And that's a hard pill to swallow sometimes.
In the meantime, my cousins came over for some beef stew and hilarity. Man, they really are so much fun! It's so great to be able to spend time with both of them at the same time. We even looked up when we could plan a trip to Garner, but it's so hard to do with Clif's Navy schedule. There just aren't any guarantees on his leave time. Still, it was so much fun...and I can't wait to hang out with them again on Christmas afternoon!
The house is quiet, emptyish, and cold. I'm good with at least one or two of those, but all three? It's just weird. I'm happy to have the downtime, but at the same time, this is the part of being all by myself that sucks the most. The holidays are a time you spend with those you care about, those who matter, and even though I'm just by myself for a few days, it just doesn't feel right.
I'd rather it not feel right than feel like I'm losing my mind, though, so I'm doing my best to embrace the weird and just do nothing.
I'll let you know how that goes...
Aubs
I'm constantly running, but I'm not really going anywhere. I'm the first to admit I'm all about instant gratification, but I also know that sometimes that really doesn't work the best for anyone. I want so badly to know what's going to happen next, that I'm constantly focusing on that instead of living in the moment. I'm so concerned with what could happen or what I want to happen, that I don't allow myself to see and enjoy what actually IS happening. And that's no way to live.
After church, the boys and I ran a couple of quick errands and then headed home to finish picking up around the house. I had reminded the boys first thing in the morning that they needed to keep their hands off of each other unless they were being kind and playing nicely. Not surprisingly, B chose to smack his brother, so I did what I promised and spanked him. I am SO tired of them being ugly to each other, and that was the last straw. Afterwards, our conversation went a little something like this:
B (tearful and defiant): Mom, you obviously didn't listen in church today.
Me: Why's that B?
B: Because God's spirit tells us to love one another.
Me: God also tells us to honor our father and our mother.
B: When did they say that?
Me: Everyday.
B: Oh...I must've missed that one.
Obviously. N left first, and B was supposed to leave at 3:00. At 4:00, his dad came to pick him up, telling him they had a surprise waiting for him at their apartment. As soon as B ran down the stairs to get in the car, his dad told me they had gotten him a puppy. Apparently, B's stepmom's dog is getting old and crazy(ish) so a new dog will help him to calm down? I don't know. To me, it sounds like a ploy to get people to get more animals. Maybe it works...but what if the dogs don't get along? Anyway, both boys have been asking me for a dog for months, but it's not in the cards for us right now. And now, B has one at his dad's. I couldn't wait to hear what B chose for a name.
I asked him to have B call me so he could tell me his news, and I got a picture a little while later of B with the new puppy...the puppy named Chino. I'm pretty sure B has never heard of that word before, but the criteria his dad gave him was that the name had to be Spanish. Who tells a kid they can name a dog, and then dictates what the name should be? I don't understand...but it's not up to me. And that's a hard pill to swallow sometimes.
In the meantime, my cousins came over for some beef stew and hilarity. Man, they really are so much fun! It's so great to be able to spend time with both of them at the same time. We even looked up when we could plan a trip to Garner, but it's so hard to do with Clif's Navy schedule. There just aren't any guarantees on his leave time. Still, it was so much fun...and I can't wait to hang out with them again on Christmas afternoon!
The house is quiet, emptyish, and cold. I'm good with at least one or two of those, but all three? It's just weird. I'm happy to have the downtime, but at the same time, this is the part of being all by myself that sucks the most. The holidays are a time you spend with those you care about, those who matter, and even though I'm just by myself for a few days, it just doesn't feel right.
I'd rather it not feel right than feel like I'm losing my mind, though, so I'm doing my best to embrace the weird and just do nothing.
I'll let you know how that goes...
Aubs
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Too many people in the kitchen means...
my left foot was stomped on no less than 7 times this afternoon. The boys and I decided to make some cookies this afternoon, and after talking to my mom, she convinced me to make Spritz cookies instead of sugar cookies. I appreciated this for a couple of reasons:
1. Spritz cookies are (supposedly) much easier.
2. Sugar cookies require rolling out dough.
3. I'd probably whack someone with the rolling pin instead.
Okay, so that was three reasons, but the last one is pretty accurate. During one of my trips to Houston, I discovered that my dad had our family collection of assorted cookie cutters, so I took them with me. I'm the only one who bakes (although my mom has been known to bake from time to time), and the only one with young children, so it just made sense. I dusted the box off this afternoon, and the boys were totally ready to make cookies.
After a trip to the store for butter and eggs, we were set. My mom came over to show me how to use the cookie press (aka the cookie gun) to shoot the cookies out, and it promptly broke. It was probably the original cookie press of all time, so it stands to reason that it would be fairly fragile. I just sounded that out a'la A Christmas Story, saying "FRA-GEE_LAY" and you know you did too. We didn't want to disappoint the boys, who (let's face it) really just wanted to play with the different colors of sprinkles and sugar crystals, so I found a new cookie press at Bed, Bath, & Beyond, and picked it up for $15. Score!
They actually helped with about 4 or 5 pans of cookies before they lost interest and took off to play in their room. I was impressed. They asked to make sugar cookies too, so they could frost and dump more sugar on the cookies, but I was feeling grinch-ish and said the kitchen was closed...then promptly had to re-open it to make dinner. Kids...It's always somethin!
We watched Santa Clause 2, and then I sent them into their room where B promptly fell asleep, and I just made N turn off Star Wars. I told him he could help fold laundry, but he declined. Since we were cookie baking this afternoon, we're headed to Christmas Eve service in the morning, and then they're gone until next Sunday. I'm sad about that part; not seeing their little faces on Christmas morning...
BUT!
My cousins are in town, and I'm so excited! It makes me miss my sister though. She and her hubs are in St. Louis for Christmas, as they are every year, and I know they have a great time. My cousins, Clif & Colton, are younger than my sister and I are by a few years, so we spent most of our summers together when we were kids. I used to babysit them, and my sister would help. We went camping together, and hung out during the holidays when they were visiting their dad (my mom's brother). Their dad lives on the east coast now, as does their mom, but they have family from each side of the family that live in Dallas, so I get to see them a little more frequently than most.
The last time my sister, Clif, Colton, and I were together though, was February of 2005. We are long overdue for a reunion, and I hope we can make that happen next summer. Clif's in the Navy, and we are so proud of him, but it does make scheduling reunions and Garner trips a little more difficult. Colton's at Caltech, again super proud of him, so his life is pretty busy, too. Add my sister's crazy busy life, and my big dose of crazy, and you can see why I get so excited when they come to town. It's been that long since they've been here at the same time anyway, so I'm so glad that I'll have those two, my "brothers" of sorts, to keep me company for at least part of the time that my boys are away.
It really is just the most wonderful time of the year! Know what's not so wonderful? When it's 70 one day and drops 40 degrees for the next day. Because that happens a lot.
1. Spritz cookies are (supposedly) much easier.
2. Sugar cookies require rolling out dough.
3. I'd probably whack someone with the rolling pin instead.
Okay, so that was three reasons, but the last one is pretty accurate. During one of my trips to Houston, I discovered that my dad had our family collection of assorted cookie cutters, so I took them with me. I'm the only one who bakes (although my mom has been known to bake from time to time), and the only one with young children, so it just made sense. I dusted the box off this afternoon, and the boys were totally ready to make cookies.
After a trip to the store for butter and eggs, we were set. My mom came over to show me how to use the cookie press (aka the cookie gun) to shoot the cookies out, and it promptly broke. It was probably the original cookie press of all time, so it stands to reason that it would be fairly fragile. I just sounded that out a'la A Christmas Story, saying "FRA-GEE_LAY" and you know you did too. We didn't want to disappoint the boys, who (let's face it) really just wanted to play with the different colors of sprinkles and sugar crystals, so I found a new cookie press at Bed, Bath, & Beyond, and picked it up for $15. Score!
They actually helped with about 4 or 5 pans of cookies before they lost interest and took off to play in their room. I was impressed. They asked to make sugar cookies too, so they could frost and dump more sugar on the cookies, but I was feeling grinch-ish and said the kitchen was closed...then promptly had to re-open it to make dinner. Kids...It's always somethin!
We watched Santa Clause 2, and then I sent them into their room where B promptly fell asleep, and I just made N turn off Star Wars. I told him he could help fold laundry, but he declined. Since we were cookie baking this afternoon, we're headed to Christmas Eve service in the morning, and then they're gone until next Sunday. I'm sad about that part; not seeing their little faces on Christmas morning...
BUT!
My cousins are in town, and I'm so excited! It makes me miss my sister though. She and her hubs are in St. Louis for Christmas, as they are every year, and I know they have a great time. My cousins, Clif & Colton, are younger than my sister and I are by a few years, so we spent most of our summers together when we were kids. I used to babysit them, and my sister would help. We went camping together, and hung out during the holidays when they were visiting their dad (my mom's brother). Their dad lives on the east coast now, as does their mom, but they have family from each side of the family that live in Dallas, so I get to see them a little more frequently than most.
The last time my sister, Clif, Colton, and I were together though, was February of 2005. We are long overdue for a reunion, and I hope we can make that happen next summer. Clif's in the Navy, and we are so proud of him, but it does make scheduling reunions and Garner trips a little more difficult. Colton's at Caltech, again super proud of him, so his life is pretty busy, too. Add my sister's crazy busy life, and my big dose of crazy, and you can see why I get so excited when they come to town. It's been that long since they've been here at the same time anyway, so I'm so glad that I'll have those two, my "brothers" of sorts, to keep me company for at least part of the time that my boys are away.
It really is just the most wonderful time of the year! Know what's not so wonderful? When it's 70 one day and drops 40 degrees for the next day. Because that happens a lot.
Aubs
Friday, December 21, 2012
The sugar high continues
Since the boys only had school until 12:30, I wasn't sure what state they would be in when they got home. B asked me to come eat lunch with him, and I intended to, but once I got to the office, they said they were just having lunch in their classrooms, so I went to tell him I'd see him after school instead. He already had a bit of a gleam in his eye at this point, and they hadn't started lunch yet.
Oh boy.
When they got home, N charged in the door at least 5 minutes before B, so I prepared myself for the worst. It came in the form of something that went a little like this:
"HIMOMI'MHOMEFROMSCHOOLANDIDON'THAVETOGOBACKFOR17DAYS
ANDIT'S4DAYS'TILCHRISTMASANDIHADASRPITEANDARINGPOPANDA
CANDYCAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
God help us all.
They were both ridiculously irritating, so I made them go outside, back down the stairs, do 15 jumping jacks, and then come back in so we could start their Christmas break again. N only needed to do this once. B, on the other hand, needed to start over several times, and then (I suspect) he just liked going out and jumping around and coming back in. Final tally? N: 1 restart, B: 17.
I let N work off some of his grounded time by helping me straighten up, so then I sent them out to ride scooters while I finished laundry. I lead such an exciting life. I went outside to check on them and saw B attempting to swing his scooter over his head like you would a battle ax or a tomahawk or something. So, I did what every good parent would do...I yelled at him. This is not his first offense. He does it regularly, jumping off or kicking it up and nearly hitting someone with it 9 times out of 10.
One of their friends came over to see if they wanted to go to the playground instead, so they took off. Twenty minutes later, B and two of N's friends come racing inside...just as I'm wrapping the last two presents (one for B, and the other one is something "the boys" got me) screaming, "N's hurt! N's hurt bad!" Being the person I am, I freak out, and take off running. They said he wiped out on his scooter and landed on his arm and slid across the pavement. Awesome. All three of those things are my favorite...especially when I turn the corner and see the kid in the middle of the "road" going through the apartment complex. He was on his stomach and his left arm was the injured arm...the same arm that got broken in two places by a much larger boy at daycare in 1st grade.
I get over there, and drag him out of the traffic path, and notice his left knee and arm are all skinned up, and his left pinky (pinkie if you wanna go all Scottish) was swollen. Super! It was a long walk/hobble home, and as we walked, he sniffled and told me why he wiped out. See, he was trying to get as far away from B as possible...because B kicked up his scooter (like he isn't supposed to) and hit a car 'causing the flippin' car alarm to go off. Long story short, B's grounded from scooters for life at my house (which he probably won't care about anyway after he gets his electric scooter from his dad's house, don't even get me started on that one), N is skinned, but fine, and I really needed a drink.
Instead, I made dinner and we went to get hot chocolate before heading to the historic part of Farmers Branch for Holiday Lane. While we were waiting for our hot chocolate, we ran into a guy I went to high school with; he was sitting maybe 10 feet from us, feeding his baby girl a bottle. That happens a lot when you move back to the town you graduated from... It's been a long time. It's a park that they decorate every year, and the boys love it. If you haven't been, and you're around this area, you should definitely go. Santa stops to talk to each car at the end and passes out candy canes. We discussed his favorite cookies (sugar) and the best snacks for reindeer (carrots and oatmeal).
We got home just in time to change into pjs (N & me; B wore his and slippers to Holiday Lane) and turn on The Santa Clause. I realized, maybe 20 minutes into it, that B had never seen it in its entirety, and man...he was glued to the screen like nobody's business. He was also hacking up a storm. A couple of puffs of his inhaler and a coke later, he was feeling much better. I always get glares when I give my kid coke at random times, but when he's having asthma issues, it really does help.
We finished the movie, and now they're in their beds and I have mine back. And here I sit, in the exact middle of the bed, leaning against six pillows that belong to nobody but me.
And I don't have to share if I don't want to...so there!
Aubs
Oh boy.
When they got home, N charged in the door at least 5 minutes before B, so I prepared myself for the worst. It came in the form of something that went a little like this:
"HIMOMI'MHOMEFROMSCHOOLANDIDON'THAVETOGOBACKFOR17DAYS
ANDIT'S4DAYS'TILCHRISTMASANDIHADASRPITEANDARINGPOPANDA
CANDYCAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
God help us all.
They were both ridiculously irritating, so I made them go outside, back down the stairs, do 15 jumping jacks, and then come back in so we could start their Christmas break again. N only needed to do this once. B, on the other hand, needed to start over several times, and then (I suspect) he just liked going out and jumping around and coming back in. Final tally? N: 1 restart, B: 17.
I let N work off some of his grounded time by helping me straighten up, so then I sent them out to ride scooters while I finished laundry. I lead such an exciting life. I went outside to check on them and saw B attempting to swing his scooter over his head like you would a battle ax or a tomahawk or something. So, I did what every good parent would do...I yelled at him. This is not his first offense. He does it regularly, jumping off or kicking it up and nearly hitting someone with it 9 times out of 10.
One of their friends came over to see if they wanted to go to the playground instead, so they took off. Twenty minutes later, B and two of N's friends come racing inside...just as I'm wrapping the last two presents (one for B, and the other one is something "the boys" got me) screaming, "N's hurt! N's hurt bad!" Being the person I am, I freak out, and take off running. They said he wiped out on his scooter and landed on his arm and slid across the pavement. Awesome. All three of those things are my favorite...especially when I turn the corner and see the kid in the middle of the "road" going through the apartment complex. He was on his stomach and his left arm was the injured arm...the same arm that got broken in two places by a much larger boy at daycare in 1st grade.
I get over there, and drag him out of the traffic path, and notice his left knee and arm are all skinned up, and his left pinky (pinkie if you wanna go all Scottish) was swollen. Super! It was a long walk/hobble home, and as we walked, he sniffled and told me why he wiped out. See, he was trying to get as far away from B as possible...because B kicked up his scooter (like he isn't supposed to) and hit a car 'causing the flippin' car alarm to go off. Long story short, B's grounded from scooters for life at my house (which he probably won't care about anyway after he gets his electric scooter from his dad's house, don't even get me started on that one), N is skinned, but fine, and I really needed a drink.
Instead, I made dinner and we went to get hot chocolate before heading to the historic part of Farmers Branch for Holiday Lane. While we were waiting for our hot chocolate, we ran into a guy I went to high school with; he was sitting maybe 10 feet from us, feeding his baby girl a bottle. That happens a lot when you move back to the town you graduated from... It's been a long time. It's a park that they decorate every year, and the boys love it. If you haven't been, and you're around this area, you should definitely go. Santa stops to talk to each car at the end and passes out candy canes. We discussed his favorite cookies (sugar) and the best snacks for reindeer (carrots and oatmeal).
We got home just in time to change into pjs (N & me; B wore his and slippers to Holiday Lane) and turn on The Santa Clause. I realized, maybe 20 minutes into it, that B had never seen it in its entirety, and man...he was glued to the screen like nobody's business. He was also hacking up a storm. A couple of puffs of his inhaler and a coke later, he was feeling much better. I always get glares when I give my kid coke at random times, but when he's having asthma issues, it really does help.
We finished the movie, and now they're in their beds and I have mine back. And here I sit, in the exact middle of the bed, leaning against six pillows that belong to nobody but me.
And I don't have to share if I don't want to...so there!
Aubs
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Christmas parties, sugar highs, and weirdly worded compliments?
Typically, I’m the one who has full conversations with the
boys when they’re being pains about something by voicing both my part and their
part. If I ask them to clean up, then I
answer myself all respectfully in hopes that they’ll pick up on it. Mostly, they just laugh. Today, though, B had his own little
conversation after I started it for him.
It went something like this:
Me: B!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!B (acting as me): Why did you pee all over the seat in my bathroom and not wipe it up, B?
B: I was in a hurry mom.
B (acting as me): B, you know you’re not going to be allowed to use my bathroom unless it’s a super emergency if you don’t respect my space.
B: I know, but I was in a hurry. I won’t do it again, Mom.
B (acting as me): Okay, B, I trust you. Now go clean it up.
B: I was just going to.
I love you.
B (acting as me): I love you too, B, the very best of
everyone in the world…way more than N.
And that’s how our day started off, folks.
I’ve been putting off taking care of my pididdle (aka one headlight
out) for several days by simply not driving after dark or getting pulled over
and explaining I had just bought the bulb.
Believe it or not, I’ve gotten a warning or two, but that’s about
it. This morning, I decided to actually
put some effort into it and open the hood of my car. So, I did, and after I found the little stand
thingy to hold it open so it wouldn’t fall down on my head, I was completely
perplexed, so I gave up. Do NOT come to
me with your automotive needs. I’m
useless.
Instead, I went back upstairs and took a nap in preparation
for the Christmas parties I said I’d help out with this afternoon. That was a much better idea, and a great use
of my time. True story. After I got up (again) and was ready to go, I
had to make a few trips downstairs with the gift baskets. Those things are not exactly stable and
totally unbalanced. If I’d been smart, I
would’ve put them in seatbelts. As soon
as I stopped at the first stop sign, I heard, “THUNK, THUNK,
THUNK-THUNK-THUNK-THUUUUUUUNK.” Great.
Fast forward to the parties:
The first graders were due back in the classroom for their party at
1:45, but the teachers decided to take them outside for 15 minutes to let them
run off some of their energy…you know, before giving them cookies with 3” of
icing and stuff like that. While they
were doing that, I reconstructed gift baskets in what felt like a tornado, and
delivered N’s basket upstairs, where they were also prepping for their
party. Then I had to go back through the
tornado, where my shirt ended up flipped up and twisted sideways and my hair
was standing straight up, to reconstruct the other basket and haul it inside. By that point, you could hear the thunder of
a jillion munchkins ready to party, and I got back just in time. I helped 20 first graders open their bottles
of water and watched their faces turn from normal to smeared with red frosting
from ear to ear. They looked like little
Heath Ledgers all Joker-ish. It was fun,
but I knew I was in for a hellish afternoon.
There’s a reason I don’t let B consume massive amounts of sugar. I chose that exact moment to head upstairs to
N’s party where I counted Bunco scores for tables while they had a super-speed
round of Bunco. It. Was.
Hilarious. They finished up
pretty quickly, and I headed back downstairs to collect B and wait for N.
Check that. I tried
to collect B, but he was bouncing off of every wall and surface he could
find. Also, his class did a gift
exchange, where they each brought 20 of something…so everyone ended up with 20
goodie bags of sorts. Read: lots of
candy and pencils…and a PEZ dispenser.
On the way out to the car, as we were crossing in the crosswalk, I asked
B if he wanted to put all of his junk in my trunk. This caused the crossing guard (aka Music
teacher) to burst out laughing, and several others overheard and were cracking
up. B, never missing an opportunity to
entertain, busted into a completely inappropriate dance in the middle of the
crosswalk, while N and I kept walking, pretending he didn’t exist. N mentioned that he was having a movie day
tomorrow (they only have a ½ day) and asked if he could bring a Sprite with him…which
meant a trip to Market Street was in order.
We went and got more than just Sprite, and both of them were
asking for everything under the sun.
Sometimes, I hate that they both know how to read. So, as we were checking out, they’re both
giggling and B is going NUTS, and I look at the guy behind the register (who is
all of 18 and just finished his first semester of college) and it goes like
this:
Me: I’m so sorry…Christmas party day. They, or at least he, had entirely too much
sugar.
Him: I remember Christmas parties in elementary school…wait,
are these YOUR children?Me: Yep! They sure are.
Him: No way! You don’t look old enough to be a parent.
Me: Oh, no…they’re mine, but thanks.
Him (gesturing to N): What is he, about 8?
Me: No, he’s 10, and the spaz over there is 7.
B (veins popping out of his neck): I just TUUUUUUUUUURNED 7!
Him: Wow, no way! You’re holding up quite nicely.
Me: Um, thank you?
As we walk away, my shoulders start shaking with laughter,
and the boys are trying to figure out why I’m laughing. When we get out to the car, I’m rolling… I’m holding up quite nicely? What.
The. Hell. Who says that? It was too funny to keep to myself, so I
called my dad and he was equally amused.
When we got home, I started to walk upstairs, and said, “Uh,
what’s that noise? And where are my
keys?!” Apparently, I forgot to turn my
car off. And then, we had this one:
B: Mom, do we have to celebrate Christmas?
Me: Um, yeah? Why?
B: Well, we could celebrate Hannukah instead.
Me: Yeah, but we're not Jewish.
B: Does that matter or something?
Me & N: Uh...yeah.
B: Oh. Okay...are you sure?
Me: Go away.
And off he went.
Obviously, I’ve had more than my fair share of fun today…and
it just kept coming. B’s sugar high came
to a very abrupt end, and the result was bottoming out like I’ve never
seen. We’re talking, sprawling in the
middle of the area of the parking lot where they play, screaming like a cat
that’s been run over 16 times. That
happened three different times.B: Mom, do we have to celebrate Christmas?
Me: Um, yeah? Why?
B: Well, we could celebrate Hannukah instead.
Me: Yeah, but we're not Jewish.
B: Does that matter or something?
Me & N: Uh...yeah.
B: Oh. Okay...are you sure?
Me: Go away.
And off he went.
I questioned whether he was mine several times this afternoon. Then, in the semi-darkness, we went over to N’s dad’s house to play with baby E while N’s dad changed the headlight on my car. Apparently, it was way more complicated than I was prepared for…and that’s why I appreciate having him around. We (and by “we” I mean me) passed on going to grab dinner because B was still in rare form, and I drove home super-speedy-quick. They ate a quick dinner, I literally pushed them into the shower, and they were in bed 45 minutes early. Why? Because I couldn’t take one more minute…
But, now? I’m laughing at the hilarity of the day. And I’m smelling the coffee that I already have in the coffee pot, anxiously awaiting me tomorrow morning. Because tomorrow? Tomorrow, they get out at 12:30, and I’m going to need all the help I can get to deal with the undoubted sugar rush that’s headed my way.
Aubs
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
From the worst start to the best ending
I'm not going to lie...this morning was not my proudest moment as a parent. We all have them, but today, I really exceeded my worst expectations. N has this Mavs jersey that he loves, but it's getting too small for him. He still wants to wear it to school, but I think it looks weird, so I tell him he needs to just wear it to play in, not to school. He is my child though, and every once in a while, he tries to see if he can get away with wearing it.
This morning was no exception. He wasn't wearing it when he got in the car, but as the bus pulled up and he got out of the car, I noticed he was wearing it. I told him to take it off, and he looked at me like he didn't even realize he had put it on. Sorry, kid...your mom's a lot smarter than that. I made him take it off, and told him I didn't appreciate him lying to me, that it wouldn't go over very well for him to be deceitful to his mother. He insisted that he wasn't being deceitful, and I blatantly ignored him and told him to hurry up and get on the bus. As he walked off, head down in defeat, I stopped and said (out loud to myself), "Why am I being so mean?" The truth was, I had no idea. I almost jumped out of the car and took him the stupid jersey to let him wear it, but I didn't want to call attention to him. Then I thought about going to the school and waiting for him to get there, but again, I didn't want to embarrass him.
It was eating away at me, and I felt so horrible about it, so I decided to take him lunch to apologize and try to make amends. I took him one of his favorites, and he was surprised to see me. I apologized to him, and he told me he had also been feeling badly about the whole situation. I told him I'd see him after school, and left him to eat lunch with his friends. When he got home, he went into his room and found the note I had written him, apologizing, and vowing to try harder to give him the benefit of the doubt...because I could tell after I blew up at him this morning, that he wasn't trying to be malicious. He was just being a boy. He's so mature in so many ways, that sometimes I forget he's only 10.
I wish I could say the discord ended there...but it didn't. I got an email from one of his teachers saying he was turning in late assignments, and there were two so far this week. We had just had a conversation about late assignments, and I told him if there were any this week, he'd be grounded for a month. It's time for this mom to play hardball because all he's doing is making it harder on himself. Right? Right. He got so angry when he realized it was happening. He blew up, from the inside out, and I just let him. Sometimes you just have to. The good news? He eventually got over it and finished all of the assignments that were late. I guess that's something. Right?
As the afternoon/evening wore on, I made brownies for the boys' teachers and, on a whim, made them queso as well. Why not? We put the baskets together, ate some dinner, and the boys went to bed...mostly without incident. It was a good ending to their day. As I was waiting for the brownies to cool, I caught up with an old friend and dumped a whole lot of advice on him. I'm happy to dissect other people's troubles, but tend to stay as far away from my own as possible. In this case, addressing some of his problems served a dual purpose: he and I are a lot more alike than either of us would care to admit. I guess it's why we've been friends for so long.
After a long conversation, catching up on the past several months, I was on a roll and caught up with a couple of my girlfriends, too. It was then that my Twinkie and I realized we're both going to be in the same city in July!!! A visit is so long overdue...I can't wait for next summer. I have no words to describe how excited I am about this.
Of course, the world can't end on Friday if this is going to work...
I have too many people I haven't seen in entirely too long, and if you're wondering if you're one of them, you probably are.
Aubs
This morning was no exception. He wasn't wearing it when he got in the car, but as the bus pulled up and he got out of the car, I noticed he was wearing it. I told him to take it off, and he looked at me like he didn't even realize he had put it on. Sorry, kid...your mom's a lot smarter than that. I made him take it off, and told him I didn't appreciate him lying to me, that it wouldn't go over very well for him to be deceitful to his mother. He insisted that he wasn't being deceitful, and I blatantly ignored him and told him to hurry up and get on the bus. As he walked off, head down in defeat, I stopped and said (out loud to myself), "Why am I being so mean?" The truth was, I had no idea. I almost jumped out of the car and took him the stupid jersey to let him wear it, but I didn't want to call attention to him. Then I thought about going to the school and waiting for him to get there, but again, I didn't want to embarrass him.
It was eating away at me, and I felt so horrible about it, so I decided to take him lunch to apologize and try to make amends. I took him one of his favorites, and he was surprised to see me. I apologized to him, and he told me he had also been feeling badly about the whole situation. I told him I'd see him after school, and left him to eat lunch with his friends. When he got home, he went into his room and found the note I had written him, apologizing, and vowing to try harder to give him the benefit of the doubt...because I could tell after I blew up at him this morning, that he wasn't trying to be malicious. He was just being a boy. He's so mature in so many ways, that sometimes I forget he's only 10.
I wish I could say the discord ended there...but it didn't. I got an email from one of his teachers saying he was turning in late assignments, and there were two so far this week. We had just had a conversation about late assignments, and I told him if there were any this week, he'd be grounded for a month. It's time for this mom to play hardball because all he's doing is making it harder on himself. Right? Right. He got so angry when he realized it was happening. He blew up, from the inside out, and I just let him. Sometimes you just have to. The good news? He eventually got over it and finished all of the assignments that were late. I guess that's something. Right?
As the afternoon/evening wore on, I made brownies for the boys' teachers and, on a whim, made them queso as well. Why not? We put the baskets together, ate some dinner, and the boys went to bed...mostly without incident. It was a good ending to their day. As I was waiting for the brownies to cool, I caught up with an old friend and dumped a whole lot of advice on him. I'm happy to dissect other people's troubles, but tend to stay as far away from my own as possible. In this case, addressing some of his problems served a dual purpose: he and I are a lot more alike than either of us would care to admit. I guess it's why we've been friends for so long.
After a long conversation, catching up on the past several months, I was on a roll and caught up with a couple of my girlfriends, too. It was then that my Twinkie and I realized we're both going to be in the same city in July!!! A visit is so long overdue...I can't wait for next summer. I have no words to describe how excited I am about this.
Of course, the world can't end on Friday if this is going to work...
I have too many people I haven't seen in entirely too long, and if you're wondering if you're one of them, you probably are.
Aubs
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Wants vs. Needs
This is something that has been on my mind quite a bit
lately. For the most part, I have always
gotten what I’ve needed…and most (if not all) of what I’ve wanted. Call me spoiled if you want to, but I call
myself blessed, blessed beyond measure to have parents who were selfless and
always put their children first, parents who so often did without just to make
sure we had enough. It wasn’t until I
became an older teenager, that I realized just how much my parents sacrificed
to make sure my sister and I had what we wanted/needed.
This year, as I battle with what my boys want versus what
they need, I’m even more cognizant of the sacrifices of my parents. They still sacrifice: their time, their
energy, their financial resources, even their homes, to provide for their
children. Being a parent isn’t something
that stops when your children hit a certain age. Once you become a parent, you’re in it for
life. My issue, it seems, is drawing the
fine line between what they want and what they need.
B seems to have no trouble fitting in anywhere he goes. He’s full of personality, and he’s at the age
where, if someone doesn’t like him, he gets upset for a minute, and then finds
someone else to annoy, I mean befriend.
He doesn’t know a stranger, which is both thrilling and terrifying as
his mom. N, on the other hand, seems to
have a lot more difficulty fitting in.
He is caught up with what people will think if he doesn’t wear clothing
that mirrors the other boys in his grade, but don’t even think about telling
him that he doesn’t have to be a follower.
No, he thinks, by copying the other boys, that he’s being a leader, and
although I’ve tried to talk to him about being his own person countless times,
it’s no use.
First, it was basketball shorts on a daily basis, followed
by long socks, and now we’re in the Nike Elite stage. He’s 10.
When my mom asked him what he wanted for Christmas, and he replied, “Socks.”
he wasn’t kidding. Maybe it’s just me,
but I don’t understand why I would spend $15 per pair of socks for a 10
year-old who will undoubtedly outgrow them in a few short months. I realize it’s the “thing” this year, but
next year it will be something different, and so on and so forth. Kids are dang expensive, and he’s not even a
teenager. Can you imagine how much “fun”
it will be in a couple of years, and then when B hits the teen years, too? I can’t wait.
Where was I? Oh yeah,
wants vs. needs. N wants specific socks,
but does he need them? No, but as his
parent, I’m wired to want to give them to him, if I can. I still haven’t been able to justify that one
yet. Do they need new video games to
keep them entertained? No, but I need
them to have them if I want to be able to study next semester and/or keep a
tiny shred of my sanity. They need
clothes, but they want basketball shorts in every color. Is that a want or a need? It’s kind of both, but (my main argument
point) they can’t wear basketball shorts for special occasions or to church…and
that, my friends, is how I won that argument.
Not that I wouldn’t have won anyway. I AM the adult after all. Even though they try their hardest (and are
sometimes successful) to wear me down, at the end of the day, I still call the
shots. What I say goes, and they can
gripe all they want, but it doesn’t change a thing. It also has me considering my own wants and
needs.
Do I need a Keurig?
Nope, but it sure would make caffeinating my body easier in the
mornings. I’ve pled my case to my dad at
least a dozen times on this one…to no avail.
It’s okay though, I can make due with what I have. Do I need to go bust butts for spitting water
all over the bathroom while brushing their teeth? Absolutely, without question, the answer is
yes.
Okay, then. While I’d
love to be the fun parent, the one who gives in and doesn’t discipline and goes
with the flow, I can’t. I need to be the
disciplinarian, because that’s the only consistent factor in their lives. They know, regardless of where they are or
what they’re doing, they have to answer to me for their choices. I want (and need) to be more patient,
too. I have zero tolerance for my boys
when they’re just being kids and driving me crazy. Try as I might, that just bothers me like
nobody’s business. To everyone else, I’m
sure it just seems like they’re having a good time, being silly, and laughing
about it, but to me? It seems like they’re
blatantly disrespecting the fact that I told them to behave, and ignoring any
and every word of caution I gave them before entering wherever we might be at
that moment in time.
Which leads me to my next want/need: I want/need to not jump
so quickly into angry mode. It doesn’t
take much to put me in that place, and I hate it. Each night, before I fall asleep, I talk to
God and tell Him how I’m trying to be less angry and how I could really use His
help. And each night, I fall asleep
thinking tomorrow will be the day that things turn around…and each day, I feel
like it’s gotten worse. It’s not my
proudest admission, by far, but I’m sure I’m not the only one who gets this
way. At least, I hope not… I know everyone who has kids sees even the
tiniest bit of bad behavior amplified, while passersby see mischievous lively
children. I wish I could look at it from
a stranger’s point of view.
While at some point in my life, I want to date someone
again, I don’t need to. I’ve gotten way
past where having someone in my life was a need. I used to think I needed someone to make my
life complete, but it turns out, I just need myself. Although it would be great to share my life
with someone, and to have that someone be a role model to my children, I’m
doing the best I can. Someday, they’ll
see that…I hope.
In fact, I was having a conversation with an old friend
earlier today, giving him advice on relationships, which (can I just say) is
kind of hilarious coming from me because I’m obviously the worst person to ask
about relationships. Actually, I’m not. I give really good advice when it comes to
other people’s relationships, but I just can’t seem to follow my own
advice. If I did, I’d totally be…well, I
don’t know, but something different, and potentially better right about
now. Anyway, I told him something that
really struck a chord with how I’ve been in the past as well. I’d say someone famous said it, but I’m
pretty sure I made it up. You need to
find a person who knows who you are and what you’re about, who will call you on
your bullshit. Because you need that… You can’t go through life, tiptoeing around
other people’s feelings. That’s not
living…
And it’s true. He and
I have been friends for years, and even though I don’t like what he has to say
sometimes, I know it’s the truth. I know
he wouldn’t steer me wrong, because if he did, I’d track him down and kick him
in the shin. Laugh all you want, but I
would…without hesitation. Those
friendships are rare, where you can really just be who you are without any
fear; and I’m really fortunate to have friendships like that. I’d be grateful to have just one, but I’ve
been blessed with several. I’m such a
lucky girl.
There were so many more that I thought of earlier today, but
they seem entirely inconsequential now.
The bottom line is: we all have wants and we all have needs, but being
able to place a solid line between the two is difficult. It’s a constant battle between what we all
really need and what we’d really like to have.
It’s age-old, and something that will never vary. Yes, the wants and needs will change over
time, but the line, however flexible it may be, will always be there.
Which side of the line are you on?
Aubs
Monday, December 17, 2012
My little helper
After a semi-rocky start to our Monday, which may or may not have involved homework that was pointedly ignored by a certain 10 year-old all weekend, the boys jumped on the bus wearing green in honor of the victims from Sandy Hook Elementary. They didn't know why they were wearing green, just that I asked them to. I rarely pull rank when it comes to clothing choices for school, so they tend to give me a little less grief than they normally would about anything else. We all wore green today, and each time I saw someone else wearing green/white, I wondered if they were wearing it for the same reasons I was.
I wish I could put my finger on exactly why this is having such an impact on my life. I know I'm not the only one. B being the same age as the littles who were killed probably has a lot to do with it. Having friends who are teachers, teachers who would do the exact same thing without hesitation, probably has a lot to do with it. Being a parent probably has the most to do with it. But I think the thing that gets me the most is, like the tragedies that have happened recently where I live, there are no boundaries on this grief. It is not felt just by those in Connecticut or on the east coast; it is nationwide. No, it's worldwide. People all over the world feel the raw emotion, and there is a sense of solidarity, even though our world is completely chaotic at times.
It's sad that it takes the deaths of innocent people, children no less, for this to happen.
I noticed the other day that I have a pididdle on my car, aka one headlight is out. I had a ton of things to do today, but that kind of jumped to the top of the list. I'm going to attempt to change it myself, but I honestly have no idea what I'm doing. It has to be pretty dang easy though, right? I also had to go to Target. How is that different from any other day? It's not. As I was heading to check out, I looked up and into the eyes of someone I knew. It took me a few minutes to place him, partially because it caught me off guard, and I could tell he was trying to do the same. As I was checking out, I looked over where he was, just to be sure it was who I thought it was, and he was gone. I went on about my business, then felt eyes on me again. He had moved to the register next to mine, and was looking at me, puzzled. I smiled, but didn't say anything...because it's fun to watch people try to figure it out. I only went to the high school I graduated from for 3 years, so I don't really feel like I'm that memorable, but he was trying so hard. That was when I realized that I was not wearing make-up and my hair was in a messy bun(ish), and I wondered why this always happens to me. Probably because (according to my dad anyway) I'm "closed for business."
I can't type that without laughing. I love my family.
Tonight was "breakfast for dinner" since we haven't had one of those nights in a while. B wanted to help make the pancakes, but I refuse to let him crack the eggs because he pulverizes them. I learned my lesson after 7 or 8 tries. I let him mix the wet ingredients, and then I gave him the job of sifting the dry ingredients. He got a little over excited about the sifter, so part of the flour mixture ended up on the counter. He kept asking if he could taste the dry ingredients, and I kept telling him no. I don't see how flour, sugar, baking soda, baking powder, and salt could possibly be a tasty combination. When part of the mixture was discovered on the floor, I asked him to clean it up. he said he didn't know how, so I suggested a paper towel, a sponge, or the vacuum cleaner. When he offered the option of using his tongue, I just stared at him while he grinned and said, "Nevermind. I'll vacuum!"
Who is this kid? Oh right, he's mine.
I sent them to bed kind of early because they were slacking on their laundry duties and I had a killer headache, but they went to bed without (major) incident, so I went back and let them watch the cartoon version of "The Grinch." B was so grateful; he was worried that he would have bad dreams about the zombie hands that he saw at his aunt's house. (His dad's sister's house, not my sister, just to clarify.)
Tomorrow, I have some treats to make for teacher Christmas gifts, and then I fully intend to relax. My grades have finally been posted, and the 4.0 semester is a reality. I actually ended up getting a perfect score on all of my major papers this semester, too, so I'm pretty happy with that. We'll see how things go next semester.
Oh, I found this super-cute hoodie for B, and so far, I've ordered it from two different places, only to find out it's on backorder. Keep your fingers crossed that this last place with come through. When I saw it, I immediately thought of him. Is this not the most perfect thing for him?!
I have a little bit of time, since the boys both leave on Saturday and won't be home until the 28th. It's going to be really tough not seeing the boys on Christmas. That's never happened before.
At least I have my kids. So many families will have presents sitting under the tree, unopened, this year. And it still breaks my heart, as I'm sure it will for quite some time.
Aubs
My little helper and me during our field trip to see Junie B. Jones, Jingle Bells, Batman Smells last Friday. He's 7...the same age as some of those precious babies who, as we were laughing and singing along, were being shot and killed. I know 6 and 7. I live it everyday...and now there are some who won't be able to live it anymore. Newtown, Connecticut is constantly in my mind, heart, and prayers.
I wish I could put my finger on exactly why this is having such an impact on my life. I know I'm not the only one. B being the same age as the littles who were killed probably has a lot to do with it. Having friends who are teachers, teachers who would do the exact same thing without hesitation, probably has a lot to do with it. Being a parent probably has the most to do with it. But I think the thing that gets me the most is, like the tragedies that have happened recently where I live, there are no boundaries on this grief. It is not felt just by those in Connecticut or on the east coast; it is nationwide. No, it's worldwide. People all over the world feel the raw emotion, and there is a sense of solidarity, even though our world is completely chaotic at times.
It's sad that it takes the deaths of innocent people, children no less, for this to happen.
I noticed the other day that I have a pididdle on my car, aka one headlight is out. I had a ton of things to do today, but that kind of jumped to the top of the list. I'm going to attempt to change it myself, but I honestly have no idea what I'm doing. It has to be pretty dang easy though, right? I also had to go to Target. How is that different from any other day? It's not. As I was heading to check out, I looked up and into the eyes of someone I knew. It took me a few minutes to place him, partially because it caught me off guard, and I could tell he was trying to do the same. As I was checking out, I looked over where he was, just to be sure it was who I thought it was, and he was gone. I went on about my business, then felt eyes on me again. He had moved to the register next to mine, and was looking at me, puzzled. I smiled, but didn't say anything...because it's fun to watch people try to figure it out. I only went to the high school I graduated from for 3 years, so I don't really feel like I'm that memorable, but he was trying so hard. That was when I realized that I was not wearing make-up and my hair was in a messy bun(ish), and I wondered why this always happens to me. Probably because (according to my dad anyway) I'm "closed for business."
I can't type that without laughing. I love my family.
Tonight was "breakfast for dinner" since we haven't had one of those nights in a while. B wanted to help make the pancakes, but I refuse to let him crack the eggs because he pulverizes them. I learned my lesson after 7 or 8 tries. I let him mix the wet ingredients, and then I gave him the job of sifting the dry ingredients. He got a little over excited about the sifter, so part of the flour mixture ended up on the counter. He kept asking if he could taste the dry ingredients, and I kept telling him no. I don't see how flour, sugar, baking soda, baking powder, and salt could possibly be a tasty combination. When part of the mixture was discovered on the floor, I asked him to clean it up. he said he didn't know how, so I suggested a paper towel, a sponge, or the vacuum cleaner. When he offered the option of using his tongue, I just stared at him while he grinned and said, "Nevermind. I'll vacuum!"
Who is this kid? Oh right, he's mine.
I sent them to bed kind of early because they were slacking on their laundry duties and I had a killer headache, but they went to bed without (major) incident, so I went back and let them watch the cartoon version of "The Grinch." B was so grateful; he was worried that he would have bad dreams about the zombie hands that he saw at his aunt's house. (His dad's sister's house, not my sister, just to clarify.)
Tomorrow, I have some treats to make for teacher Christmas gifts, and then I fully intend to relax. My grades have finally been posted, and the 4.0 semester is a reality. I actually ended up getting a perfect score on all of my major papers this semester, too, so I'm pretty happy with that. We'll see how things go next semester.
Oh, I found this super-cute hoodie for B, and so far, I've ordered it from two different places, only to find out it's on backorder. Keep your fingers crossed that this last place with come through. When I saw it, I immediately thought of him. Is this not the most perfect thing for him?!
I have a little bit of time, since the boys both leave on Saturday and won't be home until the 28th. It's going to be really tough not seeing the boys on Christmas. That's never happened before.
At least I have my kids. So many families will have presents sitting under the tree, unopened, this year. And it still breaks my heart, as I'm sure it will for quite some time.
Aubs
My little helper and me during our field trip to see Junie B. Jones, Jingle Bells, Batman Smells last Friday. He's 7...the same age as some of those precious babies who, as we were laughing and singing along, were being shot and killed. I know 6 and 7. I live it everyday...and now there are some who won't be able to live it anymore. Newtown, Connecticut is constantly in my mind, heart, and prayers.
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