Today was my day date with my work bestie, Jenna. I have been looking forward to this day all week! I got to our designated meeting location first so I ordered both of us coffee and waited for her and our two mini-men to get there. Our first stop? HomeGoods. When I saw the sign I legitimately felt giddy. I'm not kidding. It's been sooooo long and, although I am not super into home decor, I love a good candle or funky piece of wall art that I never knew I needed until right that moment.
Isn't it crazy how that works?
Anyway, we perused the aisles of HomeGoods (and TJ Maxx because they were connected!) and I found a couple of candles that were fresh and clean smelling, bordering on manly. I like these candles because they permeate spaces well and they aren't overpowering. I take candle purchases very seriously. Jenna found a super cute wall sign with hooks for by her front door that has an old-fashioned light bulb on it THAT ACTUALLY LIGHTS UP!
Our purchases made, we decided to go to Target because we were on a roll. By that point the baby opted to take a little snooze and the big little man was happily holding each of our hands and walking around with this Toy Story cowboy boots on the wrong feet because that's how all the cool 4-year-olds wear them. Duh. In Target we wandered but didn't really find what we were looking for so we bought a coloring book for the little man and said our goodbyes for lunch and naptime.
I kept going, though, because I was on a roll and my coffee had 4 shots of espresso. I'm on a hunt for something for the wall above my couch to tie it (a neutral khaki color) to my favorite chair (red floral print) that I will be cremated in someday so nobody else can have it. I'm probably not kidding. My boys have told me, on more than one occasion, if I were a piece of furniture I would be that chair. I'm not sure if they were calling me square/boxy or fat but, if they were, I'll take it because that's how much I love that damn chair.
Anyway, Kirklands was meh. Hobby Lobby was worse. World Market was only doing curbside pickup, which is absolutely stupid. You don't choose what you want at World Market...World Market tells you what you need when you peruse its aisles. Everybody knows that. Jerks. As I was wrapping up my Highland Village adventure my mom texted me to see if I could go by Target or Walmart for her. "For what?" I asked. "A pocket hose," she replied.
I am not a mature person, friends. I laughed and laughed like I was a 15-year-old boy. I had tears streaming down my face. I told her to mobile order it and I would pick it up because there was NO WAY I'd be able to check out with a pocket hose and keep a straight face or not cause a scene. Four shots of espresso in a short time, remember? And who in the hell came up with that name? For the love of all things...I don't even know what could be better and less awkward. I'm at a loss.
I made my way to Target and had to go in to get the "item." Oh, Jesus..."item" makes it even worse! I had to go inside to pick up her package...nope, not any better. When my mother's order was ready I had to go inside to pick it up. Taylor, a not unattractive male, greeted me with a smile and I told him I was there as a "designated pick up person" to pickup something my mother ordered. He scanned the barcode on my phone and looked at the display and...y'all, he burst out laughing! It was the "go ahead" I needed so we were both just standing there, laughing, for about 30 seconds until he said, "I'll be right back with...that." Still laughing, and getting strange looks from EVERYONE around us, Taylor disappeared, then reappeared a few minutes later with a bag. He looked me dead in the eye, told me to have a great afternoon, and then, half a beat later, we both started laughing all over again.
Since it was only 3:00 I decided to go to the other HomeGoods (nearer to my apartment) to see if they had any different wall art since I'm going to obsess about that until I find something that pulls my living room together. They did not but the bonus about the shopping center across the highway from me is that there is basically EVERYTHING you could want over there: Kroger, Total Wine, 1/2 Price Books, Michaels, TJ Maxx/HomeGoods, Target, Ross, Ulta, Tuesday Morning, Kohls, and probably more that I've forgotten. TJ Maxx/HomeGoods and Ross are right next door to each other so I popped into Ross and...that's where it happened. I met my perfect match.
I meandered back to the candles and smelled a few of them. The one labeled "tobacco" was too sweet smelling but I picked up this tall, black candle and sniffed, preparing myself for something that would be overwhelming. I was overwhelmed, alright...that candle smelled so damn good that I was instantly mesmerized. It smelled like how I would want my boyfriend to smell (if I had one) when he was freshly showered. Since I don't (have one), I figured the candle would have to do. I scoured the shelves for another one but it was the only one. Of course it was. A girl should be a one man, I mean candle, girl.
I took my purchase to the front and waited patiently to pay for my newest prized possession. This is not me objectifying a man, for the record. I'm talking about a damn candle. I took 10 steps outside the store and heard a deafening crash while my bag simultaneously felt significantly lighter. I looked down to see that the bag had a huge slit in it and my beautiful, sexy smelling candle was lying on the ground, covered in shards of glass. I picked it up, brokenhearted, and took it right back into the store. I told the cashier (a different one) what happened and she said, "I'll give you your money back." and then she smelled it and said, "OHMYGOD that smells like a sexy man" Yes, yes it does. BUT IT WAS MINE FIRST! I felt very territorial over my broken sexy man candle (sexy mandle? YESSSSS!) which is utterly ridiculous but whatever. I'm ridiculous. She lamented over the broken candle with me for a few minutes while she issued my return and told me to take a picture so I could find it on Amazon or something. Brilliant idea!
As I left the store with an empty heart and empty hands I did what any rational person would do: I created a social media post. I knew that it would be met with a lot of laughing face responses because the people I am friends with on social media actually know me. They know I've been single for a decade (and what kind of life I had before that). They know that I've toyed with the idea of dating but ultimately always come up with reasons why it's a no-go. And most of them know that I'm maybe a little more open to the idea these days but not down for the online dating scene because it creeps me out.
So when I said, "I found a candle that smells the way I would want my boyfriend to smell...you know, if I had one, so I bought it. As I walked out of the store, the bag ripped and the candle shattered on the ground. How poetic. And typical." I knew it would generate laughter. And, just as it often goes, it was the only one in the store. This is the best metaphor for my love life, or lack thereof, ever.
I can't help but laugh.
And spend time tracking down where else I can purchase this candle...you know, until I find a man that smells even better than this candle which, for the record, I'm not sure is even possible, but it probably is because...pheromones, am I right?
Sigh. I'm going to dream about this damn candle. I wonder if the candle will take on any specific person or human characteristics in my dream.
Oh, Jesus, this could get REALLY awkward.
Aubs
Saturday, May 23, 2020
Friday, May 22, 2020
Officially Unofficial
I submitted my final grades last Friday in anticipation of them being due this Friday. I knew I wasn't taking anything else and everyone was going to pass for the year. It was fine.
We were also officially unofficially told what we're teaching next year so, while we wait for that to be publicized, I am excited about next year and what my counterpart and I will be able to do with the groups of students that we will potentially have for two years. We'll teach them how to write in AP Modern World and then polish those skills in AP U.S. the following year. We'll be a two person team for sophomores and have half of the APUSH classes (with the other half divided among two new-to-us teachers). We're supposed to attend a summer institute together to help us plan how to introduce those skills and content to build on it the following year. I'm excited. Yeah, I know. I'm a nerd.
I'm also officially enrolled for the fall to begin my MA in History. I'm weirdly excited about the seemingly overwhelming book list...I suppose because it will keep me busy enough to not notice that I am all by myself. Everyone (read: moms who are overworked and exhausted) thinks it sounds like a dream. I'm here to tell you that it's isolating and lonely. I miss my own boys daily and I miss my school kids who fill those voids, Monday-Friday anyway, a whole lot, too. And I already know what you're going to say...I should get a dog (I'm not sure I'm home enough, quarantine time excluded) or a boyfriend (I hear I'm somewhat intimidating).
I would love to get a dog but it would be selfish of me and unfair to the pup. I'll just borrow one or claim someone else's when I need a canine fix. I would consider dating but man...just trying to wrap my brain around starting that process is something that makes me not want to do it. I'm not a fan of online dating. I won't do it. I've always said if I can't meet someone on my own: at the grocery store (total cliche, I know), or the ball fields (sadly, no longer a thing), or the library, or SOMETHING then I'm not sure I want to. An organic meeting is so much better to me than "selling" some version of yourself on an online forum. Is it accurate? Who knows. But I am always unapologetically me and I see a lot of people who meet someone on a dating website only to find out that the real life version is far from the profile version that made them swipe right or whatever the hell it is that's "in" at the moment. Maybe I've already met him. Maybe I never will. How's that for optimism and pessimism all at once? The guys at work are rubbing off on me.
Speaking of the guys at work...they went to school early in the week to shut down their rooms for the summer. Well, one of them did. The other one doesn't have a room (sore subject so moving on) but went for moral support (I guess). They checked my room on Monday and reported back that my room had not been touched. Other rooms in other parts of the building were broken down by custodial staff in a way that made people lose their possessions and I was concerned. They knew that was happening so they checked for me, a kind gesture, no doubt. Truth be told, they were hoping to find a dead rodent with a half-eaten Snickers hanging out of its mouth but they were disappointed. As the "Social Studies Team Mom" (which I hear is an affectionate nickname/title, allegedly) I have snacks and supplies and pretty much everything. They can walk in and say, "Hey, do you have a..." and I'm already holding whatever it is out to them to take. It's all part of the service.
When I walked in on Thursday, my designated day, I found my room in a state of utter chaos with everything torn down off the walls and shoved into the middle of the room. While most of my stuff was present and accounted for, the haphazard way my belongings were treated was really frustrating. My Betsy Ross flag, for example, was wadded up on the floor under a chair. My large coloring poster (coloring reduces stress but the kids were afraid to color on it for the LONGEST TIME) was pulled off the wall, as were some wall stickers that "they" decided to stick to my poster. FRUSTRATING. Also, one of my rugs was missing. It was a rug most people always tripped over (no shortage of hilarity there because nobody was ever actually injured) but it was still mine and I paid for it. I sent a picture to the guys and then we discussed how nobody has any respect and we should've just all gone together. This is a huge statement for so many reasons but mostly because it made me realize that we are a unit, a group. I mean, I've known that for a while but this solidified it.
So today when I was excitedly talking about my day date tomorrow with my work bestie and her boys, it cracked me up when one of them asked me if I was sure Homegoods was open because he thought he might go get some candles (to help disguise the puppy smell that sometimes happens) I opened my mouth to ask what kind of smells he liked and he willingly supplied the information without me even having to ask...so tomorrow, while we're sniffing candles, I will also be sniffing with him in mind because we have similar candle tastes.
Isn't that just precious?
Aubs
We were also officially unofficially told what we're teaching next year so, while we wait for that to be publicized, I am excited about next year and what my counterpart and I will be able to do with the groups of students that we will potentially have for two years. We'll teach them how to write in AP Modern World and then polish those skills in AP U.S. the following year. We'll be a two person team for sophomores and have half of the APUSH classes (with the other half divided among two new-to-us teachers). We're supposed to attend a summer institute together to help us plan how to introduce those skills and content to build on it the following year. I'm excited. Yeah, I know. I'm a nerd.
I'm also officially enrolled for the fall to begin my MA in History. I'm weirdly excited about the seemingly overwhelming book list...I suppose because it will keep me busy enough to not notice that I am all by myself. Everyone (read: moms who are overworked and exhausted) thinks it sounds like a dream. I'm here to tell you that it's isolating and lonely. I miss my own boys daily and I miss my school kids who fill those voids, Monday-Friday anyway, a whole lot, too. And I already know what you're going to say...I should get a dog (I'm not sure I'm home enough, quarantine time excluded) or a boyfriend (I hear I'm somewhat intimidating).
I would love to get a dog but it would be selfish of me and unfair to the pup. I'll just borrow one or claim someone else's when I need a canine fix. I would consider dating but man...just trying to wrap my brain around starting that process is something that makes me not want to do it. I'm not a fan of online dating. I won't do it. I've always said if I can't meet someone on my own: at the grocery store (total cliche, I know), or the ball fields (sadly, no longer a thing), or the library, or SOMETHING then I'm not sure I want to. An organic meeting is so much better to me than "selling" some version of yourself on an online forum. Is it accurate? Who knows. But I am always unapologetically me and I see a lot of people who meet someone on a dating website only to find out that the real life version is far from the profile version that made them swipe right or whatever the hell it is that's "in" at the moment. Maybe I've already met him. Maybe I never will. How's that for optimism and pessimism all at once? The guys at work are rubbing off on me.
Speaking of the guys at work...they went to school early in the week to shut down their rooms for the summer. Well, one of them did. The other one doesn't have a room (sore subject so moving on) but went for moral support (I guess). They checked my room on Monday and reported back that my room had not been touched. Other rooms in other parts of the building were broken down by custodial staff in a way that made people lose their possessions and I was concerned. They knew that was happening so they checked for me, a kind gesture, no doubt. Truth be told, they were hoping to find a dead rodent with a half-eaten Snickers hanging out of its mouth but they were disappointed. As the "Social Studies Team Mom" (which I hear is an affectionate nickname/title, allegedly) I have snacks and supplies and pretty much everything. They can walk in and say, "Hey, do you have a..." and I'm already holding whatever it is out to them to take. It's all part of the service.
When I walked in on Thursday, my designated day, I found my room in a state of utter chaos with everything torn down off the walls and shoved into the middle of the room. While most of my stuff was present and accounted for, the haphazard way my belongings were treated was really frustrating. My Betsy Ross flag, for example, was wadded up on the floor under a chair. My large coloring poster (coloring reduces stress but the kids were afraid to color on it for the LONGEST TIME) was pulled off the wall, as were some wall stickers that "they" decided to stick to my poster. FRUSTRATING. Also, one of my rugs was missing. It was a rug most people always tripped over (no shortage of hilarity there because nobody was ever actually injured) but it was still mine and I paid for it. I sent a picture to the guys and then we discussed how nobody has any respect and we should've just all gone together. This is a huge statement for so many reasons but mostly because it made me realize that we are a unit, a group. I mean, I've known that for a while but this solidified it.
So today when I was excitedly talking about my day date tomorrow with my work bestie and her boys, it cracked me up when one of them asked me if I was sure Homegoods was open because he thought he might go get some candles (to help disguise the puppy smell that sometimes happens) I opened my mouth to ask what kind of smells he liked and he willingly supplied the information without me even having to ask...so tomorrow, while we're sniffing candles, I will also be sniffing with him in mind because we have similar candle tastes.
Isn't that just precious?
Aubs
Tuesday, May 19, 2020
It's all downhill now
Now that the AP Exam is over I have very few excuses left to keep me from getting my new place organized but you best believe I'm trying to come up with things to keep me occupied. The registrar at school is thrilled because I fill out her forms and return them immediately. She calls me "Speedy." It's the little things, I guess.
One of the really fun things I've been doing lately is appliance repair. Apparently the move up three flights of stairs caused problems to both of the secondhand appliances that I recently purchased so today I had a repairman TWICE and the maintenance guy from the apartment complex once. It's been fun. The maintenance guy hates Texas (he's from Florida where it's humid but there's the ocean) and the repairman thinks I should move in with my mom or find a man to buy me a new washing machine.
So, sexism is still alive and well...have no fear! I've also talked myself out of and back into (and out of and back into) grad school. I think the compromise I've come up with is to defer my start date to the fall semester so I have time to prep and plan for the plot twists that are coming this fall that are basically impossible to plan for but I'm still going to try. It's also referred to as "driving myself batshit crazy."
I also had my end of year summative today. It was interesting because I was never actually formally observed by anyone so there were only a few areas that we could discuss. What we did discuss was how I worked hard to forge those relationships with students and coworkers, alike, and how I am "the real deal." At one point, my appraiser even said, "Best hiring decision ever!" so that was a fun time. He alluded to me being able to take on more advanced classes next year and being able to continue working directly with my counterpart from this year which makes me happy.
As I was detailing some of the highlights of my summative during our Zoom this afternoon and we were laughing and talking about room clean-out (they've already been; I go on Thursday), I got a text from my work bestie who was, very clearly, distraught. It seems that the additional custodial staff hired to clean and sanitize our building went a little crazy and threw away some of the (irreplaceable) items hanging on her wall: notes from former students and stuff like that. I feel her pain. I would be devastated if that happened to me. It makes me concerned as to whether or not my box of mementos will be intact when I go up there to shut my room down on Thursday.
It's not the quantity of them, or even what they say but instead it's the intent behind them. Notes are personal. They take time. They take effort. The mean something. And each time I read them they take me back to reliving those moments with the writers and that means the world to me.
Aubs
One of the really fun things I've been doing lately is appliance repair. Apparently the move up three flights of stairs caused problems to both of the secondhand appliances that I recently purchased so today I had a repairman TWICE and the maintenance guy from the apartment complex once. It's been fun. The maintenance guy hates Texas (he's from Florida where it's humid but there's the ocean) and the repairman thinks I should move in with my mom or find a man to buy me a new washing machine.
So, sexism is still alive and well...have no fear! I've also talked myself out of and back into (and out of and back into) grad school. I think the compromise I've come up with is to defer my start date to the fall semester so I have time to prep and plan for the plot twists that are coming this fall that are basically impossible to plan for but I'm still going to try. It's also referred to as "driving myself batshit crazy."
I also had my end of year summative today. It was interesting because I was never actually formally observed by anyone so there were only a few areas that we could discuss. What we did discuss was how I worked hard to forge those relationships with students and coworkers, alike, and how I am "the real deal." At one point, my appraiser even said, "Best hiring decision ever!" so that was a fun time. He alluded to me being able to take on more advanced classes next year and being able to continue working directly with my counterpart from this year which makes me happy.
As I was detailing some of the highlights of my summative during our Zoom this afternoon and we were laughing and talking about room clean-out (they've already been; I go on Thursday), I got a text from my work bestie who was, very clearly, distraught. It seems that the additional custodial staff hired to clean and sanitize our building went a little crazy and threw away some of the (irreplaceable) items hanging on her wall: notes from former students and stuff like that. I feel her pain. I would be devastated if that happened to me. It makes me concerned as to whether or not my box of mementos will be intact when I go up there to shut my room down on Thursday.
It's not the quantity of them, or even what they say but instead it's the intent behind them. Notes are personal. They take time. They take effort. The mean something. And each time I read them they take me back to reliving those moments with the writers and that means the world to me.
Aubs
Friday, May 15, 2020
It is finished
Well, it's kind of finished. I had a lot of kids who didn't take their APUSH Exam today. I had several kids who had issues submitting their exams. There were some who weren't prepared and then there were some who had issues logging into their exams. But I think my favorite issue was the kid who sent me a message during their second AP Exam of the day to tell me that their computer randomly just shut down during their AP Comp Sci Exam. Ohhhh, it was so ironic...until they said, "I accidentally hit the plug with my foot." The hysterical laughter that burst through my lips was more relief that my exam was over than at their misfortune. Bless their heart. Retakes are at the beginning of June and, after they finish my last "fun/feedback" assignment, we are done for the year. I hope that most will do this assignment because it's personal and not history.
I had a Zoom session for my kids this morning to answer any last minute questions or to give anyone who needed it a last minute pep talk. I wound up getting a fair amount of questions about where they should find their tickets (Why didn't they look for these 48 hours ago when they were issued?!) and how to HIPP documents (provide greater detail about provided documents to further their argument). I was able to calm some fears, provide some laughter, and one girl asked me if I was crying. To be fair, it was overcast so it was kind of shadowy in my living room so I turned the camera so she could see my eyes were just as psychotic as usual and managed to blink back the tears that were starting to form. Excellent observation, dearest!
As the countdown for their test to start got closer and closer to the beginning of the test my anxiety level shot WAY up. I know I'm not alone on this. If we were in a normal school year they would have taken the test a week ago. We would've been able to finish all of the material and prepped for the test much better than we were able to digitally. BUT a lot of my kids showed up. I saw more of them show up for the Zoom prior to the test and submit feedback after the test than I've seen in a while. Kids came out of the woodwork for this test and I am so stinkin' proud of them. And, as I read some of their feedback after the test, I had tears streaming down my face. One of the questions said, "Knowing I will get your exam this year, is there anything I need to know?" and so many of them responded that they wanted me to know that they really tried or that time got away from them or that they weren't super confident but they wanted to make me proud...but the one that KILLED me was the one that said, "Even if I fail I want you to know you prepared us the best you could and I am seriously honored to have been your student." Even now I lack the ability to comprehend how lucky I am to have this group of kids who were so resistant to me at the beginning but damn...look at us now. My heart is full. This last assignment is one where it gives them the chance to give me honest feedback and to open up about what's on their hearts and minds. This has always generated a good response in the past and I'm hoping it will continue this time, even in a pandemic. I hope.
While the kids tested, my APUSH counterpart and I tried not to look at the clock. We spent a long time in a Zoom with a variety of "guests" but at the very end it was just the two of us as we looked at the Google Form we were creating to track feedback from our kids on their exams. It was "real talk" time where I very blatantly told him that I was really unsure if I was going to stay in the first few months, partially due to how he was a very prickly human being at first. I'm not saying I wore him down but I am saying we busted through the barriers that were set up and by January we were a seriously cohesive team. When faced with the potential of not being on the same team next year (nobody really knows at this point) he even said that we have a good, viable relationship here; why should we have to start over. Beginning of the school year me never would've thought we'd be having this conversation but I'd be lying if I said I was looking forward to summertime. It's pretty much the opposite, actually. We're not going to have that connection of daily interaction and I'm seriously going to miss it.
Who knew...I guess he's wormed his way into my heart after all.
Aubs
I had a Zoom session for my kids this morning to answer any last minute questions or to give anyone who needed it a last minute pep talk. I wound up getting a fair amount of questions about where they should find their tickets (Why didn't they look for these 48 hours ago when they were issued?!) and how to HIPP documents (provide greater detail about provided documents to further their argument). I was able to calm some fears, provide some laughter, and one girl asked me if I was crying. To be fair, it was overcast so it was kind of shadowy in my living room so I turned the camera so she could see my eyes were just as psychotic as usual and managed to blink back the tears that were starting to form. Excellent observation, dearest!
As the countdown for their test to start got closer and closer to the beginning of the test my anxiety level shot WAY up. I know I'm not alone on this. If we were in a normal school year they would have taken the test a week ago. We would've been able to finish all of the material and prepped for the test much better than we were able to digitally. BUT a lot of my kids showed up. I saw more of them show up for the Zoom prior to the test and submit feedback after the test than I've seen in a while. Kids came out of the woodwork for this test and I am so stinkin' proud of them. And, as I read some of their feedback after the test, I had tears streaming down my face. One of the questions said, "Knowing I will get your exam this year, is there anything I need to know?" and so many of them responded that they wanted me to know that they really tried or that time got away from them or that they weren't super confident but they wanted to make me proud...but the one that KILLED me was the one that said, "Even if I fail I want you to know you prepared us the best you could and I am seriously honored to have been your student." Even now I lack the ability to comprehend how lucky I am to have this group of kids who were so resistant to me at the beginning but damn...look at us now. My heart is full. This last assignment is one where it gives them the chance to give me honest feedback and to open up about what's on their hearts and minds. This has always generated a good response in the past and I'm hoping it will continue this time, even in a pandemic. I hope.
While the kids tested, my APUSH counterpart and I tried not to look at the clock. We spent a long time in a Zoom with a variety of "guests" but at the very end it was just the two of us as we looked at the Google Form we were creating to track feedback from our kids on their exams. It was "real talk" time where I very blatantly told him that I was really unsure if I was going to stay in the first few months, partially due to how he was a very prickly human being at first. I'm not saying I wore him down but I am saying we busted through the barriers that were set up and by January we were a seriously cohesive team. When faced with the potential of not being on the same team next year (nobody really knows at this point) he even said that we have a good, viable relationship here; why should we have to start over. Beginning of the school year me never would've thought we'd be having this conversation but I'd be lying if I said I was looking forward to summertime. It's pretty much the opposite, actually. We're not going to have that connection of daily interaction and I'm seriously going to miss it.
Who knew...I guess he's wormed his way into my heart after all.
Aubs
Thursday, May 14, 2020
I might throw up...
It's the night before the APUSH Exam, the exam my kids have been working towards all year or, rather, they would've been if it hadn't been for the damn Coronavirus. Two months ago we got the biggest plot twist we had never really imagined and it all comes down to tomorrow. That's not dramatics; it's facts. Assuming they all sit for the exam and assuming there are no submission issues then I'll be able to read their responses in a couple of weeks and see what exactly they know or don't know.
While I know it's not entirely true, I still find it extremely hard not to shoulder their failures/successes because my job is simply to prepare them as best I can. What they do (or do not do) is entirely up to them. They've been given the tools and the feedback they need to be successful. Some of them have been much more receptive than others. Some have asked for help while the majority have not. Some have emailed me TODAY for the first time since March 12 to say, "So when is this test and what do we have to do?" It's out of my hands, and yet, it feels like I'm the one sitting for this test. It's something most don't understand unless they've been in this situation.
I'm taking bets on whether or not I sleep tonight because, if I'm basing it on how things are going right now (10:24 p.m.) then it's going to be a long ass night. There's so much going on inside my head at this precise moment and there's no way it's going to shut down for the night. It's cool. It's fine. Sleep is overrated.
I have a student who is registered for the exam but, with this e-ticket stuff (since the exams are being taken from home), their ticket is missing. They're definitely registered for the exam but they don't have access to a ticket, a ticket that's supposed to be sent to them 48 hours before their test. They told me at 6:30 tonight. They have to login at 12:30 tomorrow for this test. What could possibly go wrong?! I had them call the College Board. I tried to find their ticket. I texted my AP Coordinator. I texted the District Coordinator. She contacted her testing coordinator...everyone is trying to get this precious darling their ticket. Now they have to call the College Board again in the morning while all of us try to do the same to get this ticket issued. This kid has an excellent chance to score well and I'm not about to let a hiccup stop them from being successful. I've been helping them build self-confidence for an entire school year. We're not losing any traction here.
I sent a video to all of my students, past and present, to tell them that I'm thinking about them and that they know more than they think they do, to not get hung up on writing a killer essay...to play the points game. Some of them will hear my words and focus on that. Others, overachievers like myself, will stress themselves out to the point of utter panic. Been there. Done that. Doing it right now.
There is so much uncertainty right now, with my testers and with what comes next. How will next year go? Will it be as close to normal as possible? Will we have time to prepare? I'm fearful of what the future holds but also cautiously optimistic as well.
It's a weird place to be.
Aubs
While I know it's not entirely true, I still find it extremely hard not to shoulder their failures/successes because my job is simply to prepare them as best I can. What they do (or do not do) is entirely up to them. They've been given the tools and the feedback they need to be successful. Some of them have been much more receptive than others. Some have asked for help while the majority have not. Some have emailed me TODAY for the first time since March 12 to say, "So when is this test and what do we have to do?" It's out of my hands, and yet, it feels like I'm the one sitting for this test. It's something most don't understand unless they've been in this situation.
I'm taking bets on whether or not I sleep tonight because, if I'm basing it on how things are going right now (10:24 p.m.) then it's going to be a long ass night. There's so much going on inside my head at this precise moment and there's no way it's going to shut down for the night. It's cool. It's fine. Sleep is overrated.
I have a student who is registered for the exam but, with this e-ticket stuff (since the exams are being taken from home), their ticket is missing. They're definitely registered for the exam but they don't have access to a ticket, a ticket that's supposed to be sent to them 48 hours before their test. They told me at 6:30 tonight. They have to login at 12:30 tomorrow for this test. What could possibly go wrong?! I had them call the College Board. I tried to find their ticket. I texted my AP Coordinator. I texted the District Coordinator. She contacted her testing coordinator...everyone is trying to get this precious darling their ticket. Now they have to call the College Board again in the morning while all of us try to do the same to get this ticket issued. This kid has an excellent chance to score well and I'm not about to let a hiccup stop them from being successful. I've been helping them build self-confidence for an entire school year. We're not losing any traction here.
I sent a video to all of my students, past and present, to tell them that I'm thinking about them and that they know more than they think they do, to not get hung up on writing a killer essay...to play the points game. Some of them will hear my words and focus on that. Others, overachievers like myself, will stress themselves out to the point of utter panic. Been there. Done that. Doing it right now.
There is so much uncertainty right now, with my testers and with what comes next. How will next year go? Will it be as close to normal as possible? Will we have time to prepare? I'm fearful of what the future holds but also cautiously optimistic as well.
It's a weird place to be.
Aubs
Wednesday, May 13, 2020
Progress...
When I hear or think that word, I think of Harry Potter...5, I think: "Progress for the sake of progress must be discouraged." Freakin' Professor Umbridge, man. What a troll!
I have made a lot of progress, though. Thanks to my mom who is my drawer/cabinet measurer and liner I have almost my entire apartment lined and filled with stuff. It has been determined, once again, that I have too much stuff. This does not come as a surprise and, with less square footage now than I had before, it shouldn't come as a surprise that I am running out of room...and yet, here I am...surprised.
I'm down to the last few boxes (I think there are maybe 3) and then the remainder of the organizing begins. I want to be done by Friday because I'm going to be a hot mess and a half on Friday and I cannot be held responsible for doing anything semi-functional on that day. Why? Friday is the AP Exam and, I have to tell you, I am a little concerned about the lackadaisical attitude it seems most of my kids have at this particular point in time. It is my assumption based on the work submitted, or lack thereof, that very few will actually take it. I hope I'm pleasantly surprised.
I've been holding Zoom sessions all week to help students by answering questions or addressing concerns or going over broader context or just letting them vent...and so far I've seen two students in my Zooms. To be fair, I've heard from several others via email or text but still not the 110 that would be sitting down to take it if we were still having our normal school days. In fact, they would've already taken it last Friday and I'd be free from stress...until July when scores are released. I hope more show up tomorrow. My APUSH counterpart made a review video today with some broader context and information mixed in and I also shared that with my classes so even if I knew they had watched that I would feel better.
I am not very reassured here.
It's also nothing I can control so that's a weird thing for me to wrap my brain around. I think what makes it the most difficult is that we aren't able to agonize over this together. If it were a normal school year, the other APUSH teacher and I would be able to commiserate for the majority of the day and stress over how they did or were doing...after we rounded all of those who were trying to skip the exam up and delivered them to their testing location. That's half the fun! If you don't plan to take the exam then don't show up to school! Sheesh!
It's definitely a broken record but it's such a weird year. So weird. And it doesn't seem like next year will be much better so that's super fun.
But, it'll be fine. It's fine. I'm fine. Everything's fine.
Fine.
Aubs
I have made a lot of progress, though. Thanks to my mom who is my drawer/cabinet measurer and liner I have almost my entire apartment lined and filled with stuff. It has been determined, once again, that I have too much stuff. This does not come as a surprise and, with less square footage now than I had before, it shouldn't come as a surprise that I am running out of room...and yet, here I am...surprised.
I'm down to the last few boxes (I think there are maybe 3) and then the remainder of the organizing begins. I want to be done by Friday because I'm going to be a hot mess and a half on Friday and I cannot be held responsible for doing anything semi-functional on that day. Why? Friday is the AP Exam and, I have to tell you, I am a little concerned about the lackadaisical attitude it seems most of my kids have at this particular point in time. It is my assumption based on the work submitted, or lack thereof, that very few will actually take it. I hope I'm pleasantly surprised.
I've been holding Zoom sessions all week to help students by answering questions or addressing concerns or going over broader context or just letting them vent...and so far I've seen two students in my Zooms. To be fair, I've heard from several others via email or text but still not the 110 that would be sitting down to take it if we were still having our normal school days. In fact, they would've already taken it last Friday and I'd be free from stress...until July when scores are released. I hope more show up tomorrow. My APUSH counterpart made a review video today with some broader context and information mixed in and I also shared that with my classes so even if I knew they had watched that I would feel better.
I am not very reassured here.
It's also nothing I can control so that's a weird thing for me to wrap my brain around. I think what makes it the most difficult is that we aren't able to agonize over this together. If it were a normal school year, the other APUSH teacher and I would be able to commiserate for the majority of the day and stress over how they did or were doing...after we rounded all of those who were trying to skip the exam up and delivered them to their testing location. That's half the fun! If you don't plan to take the exam then don't show up to school! Sheesh!
It's definitely a broken record but it's such a weird year. So weird. And it doesn't seem like next year will be much better so that's super fun.
But, it'll be fine. It's fine. I'm fine. Everything's fine.
Fine.
Aubs
Tuesday, May 12, 2020
Boring. These days are getting boring.
It's been pretty busy in my household (of basically one) for the last couple of months, even being stuck at home due to a pandemic. After putting off packing for as long as humanly possible I found random bursts of productivity but most of the "hustle and bustle" in my house over the last several weeks has been primarily finding things to do to avoid doing what I need to do. I never said it was right or logical but, like my students often say, I work best under pressure.
And, I mean, isn't that true of most of us? Our true grit and determination come out when we're backed against a wall or facing some kind of deadline. It's very hard for me to not be frustrated with my students who are seemingly not showing up for anything anymore even though they have an AP Exam on FRIDAY because I get it. They have tests before ours, some of them have multiples, and it's one of those things where you have to tackle what's first before you can look at what comes next. If I were still 17 (and thank Jesus I'm not) then I'd be in the same boat but, with the infinite wisdom I've gained in 20 years, I struggle to be okay with this way of compartmentalizing. I realize what works for me (now) doesn't work for them (now or ever) but I sure wish some of them would take advantage of the wisdom being offered to them. It would make their lives so much easier...probably.
The worst kind of "meh" day is the day where there isn't really a reason for the "meh." It's just there. Today was one of those days. My desire to get much done today was pretty much non-existent, although I did unpack all of the remaining boxes in one room (aside from the school supplies that are boxed up in the closet for next year...I hope). Other than that I opened the last 8-10 boxes looking for the damn silverware so I could eat my yogurt and then I just kind of sat there going "Now what?" for a while. It seems like that's all the last couple of months have been: a whole lot of "now what?"
It's an interesting chapter, this chapter I'm beginning. The majority of my friends are married with children of varying ages. If they have kids who are close in age to mine then they often have several younger ones still at home. They're firmly ensconced in the life I lived for so long: practices, homework, playdates, taxi driving, homework help, crazy sports/dance/gymnastics schedules...and I don't have any of that anymore. Sometimes I feel more than a little remorse that it's over. I was one who always managed to thrive on the chaos of conflicting schedules, like they were a puzzle I had to solve so everyone could master their individual objectives. And now I'm all, "Hmmm, what will I watch on Netflix/Hulu/ESPN+ tonight?"
It's a riveting discussion I have with myself every single night. And, if I'm being completely honest, I'm not even sure this would change if there wasn't a pandemic going on. Despite all evidence to the contrary I am, in fact, a rather shy individual. Okay, shy is the wrong word. Guarded. I'm incredibly guarded. I've been burned by people I thought were trustworthy, had proven their worth (and lied really well, it seems), and granted access to my inner circle...not a euphemism. So, while I am always friendly because I don't know how not to be unless you really piss me off I do not often let my true personality show until I am sure. You know what that makes a huge challenge? Dating. And since the last couple were such amazing gems I've kind of kept to myself for a really long time. It's been fine, good, even because I've been able to focus so much on getting myself to where I want to be, raising my boys and juggling a lot of crap on the side. While my professional life is never EVER boring sometimes my personal life is and sometimes boring is really good...and sometimes it's B.O.R.I.N.G.
So, tonight, as I lamented the boring status I decided I would just get a bowl of ice cream and climb in bed to watch whatever it is I'm watching right now. I'm on the last episode of the first season of "The Last Kingdom," which has been pretty good so far but I hear it gets better in subsequent seasons so I might keep going with that. I'm also behind on "The Last Dance," which is my jam because who was alive and NOT a Bulls fan in the late 80s/early 90s? Not many people, that's who. The Dream Team! But as I was debating what to watch I got an email from another teacher with a couple of notes from students attached.
My mood significantly improved as I sent them a message to thank them for being much kinder than I deserve. And now they're arguing back and forth in our group Remind message and I'm laughing at their threats of sending pictures of each other from middle school and it was exactly what I needed. I appreciate that they are so plainly themselves with me and am even more grateful because I know they are not as candid with others. The whole "you get what you give" philosophy rings so true, especially with the teenager population...
Which is why, to my knowledge, I'm still not a meme.
Aubs
And, I mean, isn't that true of most of us? Our true grit and determination come out when we're backed against a wall or facing some kind of deadline. It's very hard for me to not be frustrated with my students who are seemingly not showing up for anything anymore even though they have an AP Exam on FRIDAY because I get it. They have tests before ours, some of them have multiples, and it's one of those things where you have to tackle what's first before you can look at what comes next. If I were still 17 (and thank Jesus I'm not) then I'd be in the same boat but, with the infinite wisdom I've gained in 20 years, I struggle to be okay with this way of compartmentalizing. I realize what works for me (now) doesn't work for them (now or ever) but I sure wish some of them would take advantage of the wisdom being offered to them. It would make their lives so much easier...probably.
The worst kind of "meh" day is the day where there isn't really a reason for the "meh." It's just there. Today was one of those days. My desire to get much done today was pretty much non-existent, although I did unpack all of the remaining boxes in one room (aside from the school supplies that are boxed up in the closet for next year...I hope). Other than that I opened the last 8-10 boxes looking for the damn silverware so I could eat my yogurt and then I just kind of sat there going "Now what?" for a while. It seems like that's all the last couple of months have been: a whole lot of "now what?"
It's an interesting chapter, this chapter I'm beginning. The majority of my friends are married with children of varying ages. If they have kids who are close in age to mine then they often have several younger ones still at home. They're firmly ensconced in the life I lived for so long: practices, homework, playdates, taxi driving, homework help, crazy sports/dance/gymnastics schedules...and I don't have any of that anymore. Sometimes I feel more than a little remorse that it's over. I was one who always managed to thrive on the chaos of conflicting schedules, like they were a puzzle I had to solve so everyone could master their individual objectives. And now I'm all, "Hmmm, what will I watch on Netflix/Hulu/ESPN+ tonight?"
It's a riveting discussion I have with myself every single night. And, if I'm being completely honest, I'm not even sure this would change if there wasn't a pandemic going on. Despite all evidence to the contrary I am, in fact, a rather shy individual. Okay, shy is the wrong word. Guarded. I'm incredibly guarded. I've been burned by people I thought were trustworthy, had proven their worth (and lied really well, it seems), and granted access to my inner circle...not a euphemism. So, while I am always friendly because I don't know how not to be unless you really piss me off I do not often let my true personality show until I am sure. You know what that makes a huge challenge? Dating. And since the last couple were such amazing gems I've kind of kept to myself for a really long time. It's been fine, good, even because I've been able to focus so much on getting myself to where I want to be, raising my boys and juggling a lot of crap on the side. While my professional life is never EVER boring sometimes my personal life is and sometimes boring is really good...and sometimes it's B.O.R.I.N.G.
So, tonight, as I lamented the boring status I decided I would just get a bowl of ice cream and climb in bed to watch whatever it is I'm watching right now. I'm on the last episode of the first season of "The Last Kingdom," which has been pretty good so far but I hear it gets better in subsequent seasons so I might keep going with that. I'm also behind on "The Last Dance," which is my jam because who was alive and NOT a Bulls fan in the late 80s/early 90s? Not many people, that's who. The Dream Team! But as I was debating what to watch I got an email from another teacher with a couple of notes from students attached.
Which is why, to my knowledge, I'm still not a meme.
Aubs
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