I woke up to an email from the sweet guy who owns the condo I rent. He and his family have been living in another country for a couple of years and I figured it was an email asking if I intended to renew, something he's asked me before but I wasn't sure about just yet. Instead it detailed an emergent situation that required him to place the condo on the market really quickly and also included his deepest apologies.
And, because he is such a wonderful man, I know his words were genuine but that didn't stop them from hitting me in the temple like a fastball screaming down a baseline. Yeah, I totally mixed a bunch of analogies there but just go with it. I don't even know right now.
I'm just surviving today.
So now I have a very SMALL finite amount of time to get started (and finished) with packing, clean up enough for my condo to be shown, and find another place. No big deal, right? Except...CORONA.
This damn virus is really pissing me off today. You know what it's hard to do? Find an apartment when you're practicing social distancing. You know what else is not on my top ten list? Having people traipsing in and out of your condo while you're trying to teach because...digital/distance learning starts next week. And to top it off, I'm really not thrilled with the idea of randoms coming into my condo with whatever germs they might have, germs that I might unknowingly pass along to my mother who gets chemo once a week.
I'm sure it's all fine.
Then, I talked to my youngest today. He's at his dad's right now and we've been trying to work out a time he can come back because I miss the crap out of him but then my town announced that another person in our community has tested positive for..you guessed it...and now my kid is afraid to come to my house because he doesn't want to get sick. In his defense, he's really good at getting the most obscure illnesses anyway so I understand his concern but it doesn't make me miss him any less.
When I told him I felt like him coming to visit was the equivalent of the dollar dangling from the fishing pole in the State Farm commercials, he laughed, swore it wasn't like that, and told me he loved me.
And that's when the damn dam broke. I lost it. I went temporarily insane. I sobbed and sobbed and dry heaved and sobbed some more. I let myself cry because I miss my own kids and I let myself cry because I miss my school kids and I let myself cry because I don't know when I'll see any of them again. I let myself cry because I really hate moving and I don't even know what's going on with my job and where I'll live next and what I'll do if this dang quarantine continues for the remainder of the year or into the summer.
Freaking CORONA won the battle today. It beat me down and I let it because I am human and that's okay. But I'll be damned if I let it win the war. I'm way too stubborn for that to happen.
I also started recording an audiobook for my regular classes. As I replayed pieces of it to check for volume I was like, "Ew, is that how I really sound? YIKES." Sorry, kids. I was going to take my time and just read four chapters a day to upload...but a few hours later, my throat is dry and I've made it halfway through the book. So while part of me is proud of myself for productivity (read: avoidance), the other part of me is all, "Pace yourself, sister."
Today I just feel all kinds of defeated. I feel isolated just like I told my kids they might as they venture into this next chapter. I hate it and the urge to cry nonstop has not fully dissipated but I know it will...eventually. Hopefully by tomorrow because I'm not about to have two trainwreck days in a row, or even in the same week. I don't have time for that.
I have boxes to pack...apparently. Meh.
Aubs
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