Y'all, I don't even know anymore. For the last several nights I've gone to bed totally restless and I couldn't figure out why until today when I was all, "BLOG!" which doesn't make a ton of sense because, like, four people read it but maybe it'll get TONS of viewers when I'm dead, like Picasso.
Yeah, I'll be the Picasso of the revived blog world. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be standing in line for that title.
Unless you're living under a rock you know what's going on in the world these days. On my last post, March 26, we got word that we were extending our digital/distance learning through April 17. Literally 5 days later the leader of THE great state extended that, statewide, until May 4. In FIVE days the kids (and teachers) went from light at the end of the tunnel to more darkness. One kid put it best: "We're maybe allowed to go back at the beginning of May but, Dubs, it's not even APRIL yet." I know, dear one...I know.
One of the things I started doing this week, which has been a real crowd pleaser so far, is hosting movie "nights" for my AP students. The time varies but the movies are all basically geared towards the end of the unit we were in before we went on break: World War I-World War II. Around 10 kids have shown up, digitally, for each movie so far, which is not the worst. I came about the idea on accident.
In the words of one of my dear ones...
You see, what had happened was...my bestest boyfriend was feeling pretty glum and posted a lyric to a Pink Floyd song on social media. What happened next was an outpouring of concern because "Was he suicidal?" He set up a zoom so I jumped on because that's what bestest girlfriends and boyfriends do for each other. As I asked if he was okay the veins started popping as he explained, YET AGAIN, that it was a Pink Floyd song. So now it's just fun to mess with him. Anyway, another friend and his wife jumped on and were talking about the ridiculous Netflix sensation that is the Tiger King.
Let me stop you here and tell you I haven't watched it, nor do I have any desire to watch it, so don't bother pleading your case.
Plus I'll probably be bored enough to watch it by Thursday. Thursday? Next Thursday? What day is it?
Anyway, the friend and his wife were watching the trainwreck and I said I wanted to try to share my screen so I did and it worked and THUS my "movie night" idea came to fruition. I set up a poll and was going to take the top 2-3 but I decided to watch all five instead. Here's the lineup for the week:
Monday: Midway 2019
Tuesday: Dunkirk 2017
Wednesday: Forrest Gump (Yeah, I know it doesn't really fit but when I found out how many had never seen it I felt it was a crime against all humanity!)
Thursday: Cinderella Man
Friday: The Great Escape
***By Popular Demand***
Saturday: Saving Private Ryan
Sunday: Pearl Harbor
I love that the kids are so bored that they want to hang out, again digitally, and watch movies. It gives them somewhere to be and I allow extra credit for participation in discussions following the movie. I'm also known to pause and throw out random trivia except then I get responses like "CUBA!" when we're watching Midway and then they laugh as I start/stop speaking about 47 times then just mute myself and let loose.
I am so distanced from my friends and family, even my own kids, right now because of all this craziness that it's nice to have some semblance of normalcy. I'd give pretty much anything to have the boys here right now but one is quarantining where he goes to school and, until today, the other was still working.
I really want a Harry Potter marathon but I deleted them off of my dvr to anxiously await "fresh" recordings in a week or so. I probably jumped the gun there, huh?
Saddddddd...
Aubs
Tuesday, March 31, 2020
Thursday, March 26, 2020
Oops
I just realized that I never actually said what the "big sad" part of my evening. I was sitting on my couch when I got a text, phone call, voicemail, and email simultaneously. That is never a good sign. So I put the student on hold and read. They can clearly tell by my facial expression that it isn't good.
Well, initially they think it's great because I'm saying "Ohmygod" over and over...and then I read it aloud "The district has decided, for the safety of its students and staff to continue with distance learning through April 17." That's two weeks later than originally planned.
Like, I knew it was probably coming but it was still so heartbreaking to read it. And the looks on the face of others as I read it truly broke my heart. As much as they complain about going to school they actually look forward to it more than they thought. It goes back to my thoughts about how kids crave routine even though they consistently buck against it. I thought it was just my nerd status wanting to be back at school but it's all of us.
We want our normal back.
I do like the super-casual work attire and the fact that I can pee whenever I want but I would gladly trade it all in a heartbeat to go back to school.
Today was SAT scores release day so I had a lot of kids who were disappointed in themselves even though they had no reason to be. They made forward progress. Some improved by a handful of points and others improved by close to a hundred but they all mostly moved forward. I kept reminding them that they still have time to improve and can take it again before it "counts," but to give themselves a little grace.
I think we all need to do that right now.
I know I do.
And one of the ways I'm going to do that is by giving myself the "go ahead" to go to bed.
I don't know why this day has just been a super suckfest. It really wasn't even bad...it's just...
Blah.
Aubs
Well, initially they think it's great because I'm saying "Ohmygod" over and over...and then I read it aloud "The district has decided, for the safety of its students and staff to continue with distance learning through April 17." That's two weeks later than originally planned.
Like, I knew it was probably coming but it was still so heartbreaking to read it. And the looks on the face of others as I read it truly broke my heart. As much as they complain about going to school they actually look forward to it more than they thought. It goes back to my thoughts about how kids crave routine even though they consistently buck against it. I thought it was just my nerd status wanting to be back at school but it's all of us.
We want our normal back.
I do like the super-casual work attire and the fact that I can pee whenever I want but I would gladly trade it all in a heartbeat to go back to school.
Today was SAT scores release day so I had a lot of kids who were disappointed in themselves even though they had no reason to be. They made forward progress. Some improved by a handful of points and others improved by close to a hundred but they all mostly moved forward. I kept reminding them that they still have time to improve and can take it again before it "counts," but to give themselves a little grace.
I think we all need to do that right now.
I know I do.
And one of the ways I'm going to do that is by giving myself the "go ahead" to go to bed.
I don't know why this day has just been a super suckfest. It really wasn't even bad...it's just...
Blah.
Aubs
Wednesday, March 25, 2020
Big Sad
The post title is semi-misleading because it was actually a pretty solid day. I spent the morning contacting a bunch of my students to do a mental/physical check-in to make sure they were doing okay and to see if I could do anything to help.
Some were fine while others needed help requesting technology and internet access as we move ahead with our digital learning. I learned a lot about some of my students today.
I learned that one was not entirely truthful when they said neither of their parents spoke English. Their father, in fact, spoke English very well. The end result was that the kid and I had a 45 minute phone conversation. :)
I learned that one of my kids was celebrating a birthday and when I told them "Happy Birthday!" when they answered the phone they were super surprised because it was unexpected. I am unexpected.
I played phone tag with one and never caught up but it was funny to keep seeing missed calls back and forth.
I spoke to one mom who gave me her son's number. When I called he wouldn't answer so I texted him to say "I need to talk to you about your grade." and he replied with, "What about it?" so that was a fun time.
I had a great chat with my AP team today and we shared some pretty entertaining memes that had been made featuring one of them. While we were video chatting I texted it in our group chat...and then laughed as they checked it all inconspicuous-like.
Then I spent some time working on video settings with the kids to see how many kids at one time were TOO many and what parameters I should put into place for our first real video chat on Friday.
I also did a few individual chats because it's easier to discuss ideas and work on things when we can sit "across" from each other and talk.
All in all it was a mostly successful day but eating caffeinated chocolate at 7:30 pm was probably a poor choice.
Aubs
Some were fine while others needed help requesting technology and internet access as we move ahead with our digital learning. I learned a lot about some of my students today.
I learned that one was not entirely truthful when they said neither of their parents spoke English. Their father, in fact, spoke English very well. The end result was that the kid and I had a 45 minute phone conversation. :)
I learned that one of my kids was celebrating a birthday and when I told them "Happy Birthday!" when they answered the phone they were super surprised because it was unexpected. I am unexpected.
I played phone tag with one and never caught up but it was funny to keep seeing missed calls back and forth.
I spoke to one mom who gave me her son's number. When I called he wouldn't answer so I texted him to say "I need to talk to you about your grade." and he replied with, "What about it?" so that was a fun time.
I had a great chat with my AP team today and we shared some pretty entertaining memes that had been made featuring one of them. While we were video chatting I texted it in our group chat...and then laughed as they checked it all inconspicuous-like.
Then I spent some time working on video settings with the kids to see how many kids at one time were TOO many and what parameters I should put into place for our first real video chat on Friday.
I also did a few individual chats because it's easier to discuss ideas and work on things when we can sit "across" from each other and talk.
All in all it was a mostly successful day but eating caffeinated chocolate at 7:30 pm was probably a poor choice.
Aubs
Tuesday, March 24, 2020
Back to the Grind
Jkjk. Kind of. Today we "started back" on a digitized basis. Core teachers (that's me!) had a staff meeting this morning via Zoom, which was quite the experience! I wasn't sure what to expect since I had only conducted meetings with one or two individuals, not 100. The meeting went pretty well but the most entertaining part for me was looking at all of the thumbnails of teachers. I didn't know a lot of them but those I DID know made me laugh. One of them, my AP counterpart, was sitting in front of a window so it made him all shadowy. He looked like he was basically in the witness protection program and testifying on video. When we did our team meeting later we brought it up and had a good laugh about it.
And then later tonight a kid sent me a message asking about grades and then said, "You have to see this!" and proceeded to send me a meme of my counterpart with a caption about witness protection. I was really disturbed for a while because how did a kid get that picture to make the meme? But then it was discovered that our principal tweeted about our meetings this morning and kids follow her and she basically handed them the material they needed so then it was back to being funny again. I said I didn't even want to know what kinds of memes were floating around about me but they assured me they'd never seen one of me...yet. This is one of a zillion reasons why my number one rule is "PHONES IN THE WALL POCKETS!"
Anyway, it was really good to be "back" and in communication again. It's going to be wild and crazy, a total adventure, but being able to collaborate and resume some sense of normalcy really does help. We all agree we have ZERO idea what the future holds but we've got each other's backs, which sounds super cheesy and all but it's true. Today I got a notification that my counterpart had added me to his Google Classroom for his kids and that was huge. He's used to kind of being an island and he told me, several months ago, how great it was to actually be part of a collaborative team. Since I'm all about acts of service and gifts of time, that legitimately made my year.
I posted a discussion board post today for my kids to answer. The question: "What is something you are grateful for right now? What "fills your cup" and brings you joy in this time of craziness?" The responses are trickling in and I'm so thrilled that very few of them have to do with superficial things like electronics, Netflix, technology, and so on. Most of them are writing about how great it is to have time with their families, to see and actually interact with their siblings and parents who are often in a zillion different directions, and a few also mentioned how grateful they were that they're so informed because of my NUMEROUS posts. One kid said, "You are so into making sure we know what's going on and have all of the information. You're treating it like a real college/digital experience and it makes us treat it more seriously." Nothing could have made my day more.
Until I saw the memes...and the one about how "Nine months from now I better not see Ko'Rona Vyress, 6lbs 5oz" because that one absolutely killed me. I still haven't stopped laughing.
Aubs
And then later tonight a kid sent me a message asking about grades and then said, "You have to see this!" and proceeded to send me a meme of my counterpart with a caption about witness protection. I was really disturbed for a while because how did a kid get that picture to make the meme? But then it was discovered that our principal tweeted about our meetings this morning and kids follow her and she basically handed them the material they needed so then it was back to being funny again. I said I didn't even want to know what kinds of memes were floating around about me but they assured me they'd never seen one of me...yet. This is one of a zillion reasons why my number one rule is "PHONES IN THE WALL POCKETS!"
Anyway, it was really good to be "back" and in communication again. It's going to be wild and crazy, a total adventure, but being able to collaborate and resume some sense of normalcy really does help. We all agree we have ZERO idea what the future holds but we've got each other's backs, which sounds super cheesy and all but it's true. Today I got a notification that my counterpart had added me to his Google Classroom for his kids and that was huge. He's used to kind of being an island and he told me, several months ago, how great it was to actually be part of a collaborative team. Since I'm all about acts of service and gifts of time, that legitimately made my year.
I posted a discussion board post today for my kids to answer. The question: "What is something you are grateful for right now? What "fills your cup" and brings you joy in this time of craziness?" The responses are trickling in and I'm so thrilled that very few of them have to do with superficial things like electronics, Netflix, technology, and so on. Most of them are writing about how great it is to have time with their families, to see and actually interact with their siblings and parents who are often in a zillion different directions, and a few also mentioned how grateful they were that they're so informed because of my NUMEROUS posts. One kid said, "You are so into making sure we know what's going on and have all of the information. You're treating it like a real college/digital experience and it makes us treat it more seriously." Nothing could have made my day more.
Until I saw the memes...and the one about how "Nine months from now I better not see Ko'Rona Vyress, 6lbs 5oz" because that one absolutely killed me. I still haven't stopped laughing.
Aubs
Monday, March 23, 2020
Influencers
Today I started a YouTube channel (for my school kids) and, basically, within an hour I had 6 subscribers and over 100 views so I'm pretty much destined for influencer status. You're so lucky you "knew" me when. Also, why is every single thumbnail available for my video epically worse than the one before it? I spent a solid 5-10 minutes laughing at all of them before I gave up and just chose the ones that were the funniest to me. Sometimes it's the little things.
Anyway, I posted my first video and then got information from my administrator so I shared the information that was pertinent to the kids and then got SO.MANY.QUESTIONS that I made a second video. I still wound up answering a bazillion questions but it's fine. Exhausting but fine. This is such a huge time of uncertainty and I totally get it but it would be nice if they would read/watch the information before asking the same question, or some variation, literally 100 times.
At least it kept me busy today. Speaking of busy: my living room is mostly packed up. There are quasi-orderly piles everywhere and I set up a makeshift desk across from a window where I get some light. The other alternative would be to go on live video calls from a bedroom or with a direct line of sight into my messy-ass kitchen (the next room on my "to tackle" list) so washed-out in the living room it is! :)
Tomorrow we have a video conference for CORE subjects (that's me even though the majority of my kids are an elective version of the core) so that should be wildly interesting. We're supposed to start with online classes on Friday so we'll see what happens. Of my 176 approximately 71 have signed up for the digital platform I've asked them to use so we'll see. One kid sent me a message tonight that said, "You mean I actually have to do work?" so that was a fun one.
I'm weirdly excited about this digital experience. What I know is that it will not be a smooth ride but what I hope for is that it will create a unique and lasting bond with this group of kids. I am truly so incredibly grateful to have this group. They have challenged me and made me look inside myself to determine whether or not I am actually happy with or proud of the person that I am and they inspire me to make changes, to be better than what I'm settling for. I'm not sure I could ever tell them that without sobbing hysterically so we'll see if any of them ever find this blog. :)
Tomorrow begins a new normal and, while it won't be implemented overnight, I do hope I at least have confirmation that I'm going about this the right way or more explicit direction...you know, so I can just do what I plan do to do anyway.
Whatevs.
Aubs
Anyway, I posted my first video and then got information from my administrator so I shared the information that was pertinent to the kids and then got SO.MANY.QUESTIONS that I made a second video. I still wound up answering a bazillion questions but it's fine. Exhausting but fine. This is such a huge time of uncertainty and I totally get it but it would be nice if they would read/watch the information before asking the same question, or some variation, literally 100 times.
At least it kept me busy today. Speaking of busy: my living room is mostly packed up. There are quasi-orderly piles everywhere and I set up a makeshift desk across from a window where I get some light. The other alternative would be to go on live video calls from a bedroom or with a direct line of sight into my messy-ass kitchen (the next room on my "to tackle" list) so washed-out in the living room it is! :)
Tomorrow we have a video conference for CORE subjects (that's me even though the majority of my kids are an elective version of the core) so that should be wildly interesting. We're supposed to start with online classes on Friday so we'll see what happens. Of my 176 approximately 71 have signed up for the digital platform I've asked them to use so we'll see. One kid sent me a message tonight that said, "You mean I actually have to do work?" so that was a fun one.
I'm weirdly excited about this digital experience. What I know is that it will not be a smooth ride but what I hope for is that it will create a unique and lasting bond with this group of kids. I am truly so incredibly grateful to have this group. They have challenged me and made me look inside myself to determine whether or not I am actually happy with or proud of the person that I am and they inspire me to make changes, to be better than what I'm settling for. I'm not sure I could ever tell them that without sobbing hysterically so we'll see if any of them ever find this blog. :)
Tomorrow begins a new normal and, while it won't be implemented overnight, I do hope I at least have confirmation that I'm going about this the right way or more explicit direction...you know, so I can just do what I plan do to do anyway.
Whatevs.
Aubs
Sunday, March 22, 2020
Productive Burst
Today I woke up and decided to take a daylight drive past the apartments I didn't rule out when I got home from driving around in the dark last night. I know. I live a very exciting life. BUT! I was able to cross several of them off my list based on daylight perspective and I have 8 potential contenders.
Not that that matters anymore. My county has been given an order to shelter in place for the next couple of weeks. I hope people start to take this seriously because it really won't be successful until people start to adhere to these rules. Do I love them? No. But am I following the rules? I'm definitely doing my best. It drives me crazy being at home all the time. I have a ton to do but I don't want to do it. I will because...whatever...adulting but I don't want to.
Since it goes into effect tomorrow I ran out to grab a few things I need (like packing tape!) and foil (I want to cook salmon and a few other things this week because...adulting) and two flavors of Monster I said I wouldn't knock until I tried. I swear, the things I do for.the.children! I was at Kroger and realized I needed more bagels. The problem is...Kroger bagels are utter trash. So I finished up there and went to Tom Thumb. As I walked around the store figuring out what else I needed this is what unfolded (as told through a social media comment):
I saw a guy at Kroger who smiled at me. Duh. I'm cute. Then I saw the same guy at Tom Thumb 15 minutes later. He's all, "Were you just at Kroger?" and I'm all, "Yep, but then I had to come here because Kroger's bagels are trash." He starts laughing way harder than polite laughter. I look in his cart. Bagels. It was funny. The guy with him just shook his head and walked away.
Because...story of my life. At least it wasn't a firefighter this time.
Anyway. I finished packing up my son's room tonight and, now that I have packing tape, I can keep moving ahead tomorrow. I'm not sure if I'll be able to move but I do know, with this order in place, I should have more time to pack because nobody should be coming to look at my house while I'm working from home to mold the minds of students.
Speaking of: I sent them a video blast today in pink, polka dot pajamas where I yelled at myself for touching my face about 6 times during the video and kept saying "it's fine." One of the girls suggested I start a YouTube channel so she could laugh all the time. Several others responded to a rainbow heart check-in I sent out today where they responded with the color heart they were feeling (each color means something different ranging from "I'm great!" to "I'm not okay. I need someone to reach out now." There were lots of points of contact and that made my teacher and mama heart super happy.
Tomorrow is our last day of Spring Break before we transition to digital learning. I don't know what's coming or what to expect but I'm excited to get back in a new, albeit weird, routine with my kids.
Aubs
Not that that matters anymore. My county has been given an order to shelter in place for the next couple of weeks. I hope people start to take this seriously because it really won't be successful until people start to adhere to these rules. Do I love them? No. But am I following the rules? I'm definitely doing my best. It drives me crazy being at home all the time. I have a ton to do but I don't want to do it. I will because...whatever...adulting but I don't want to.
Since it goes into effect tomorrow I ran out to grab a few things I need (like packing tape!) and foil (I want to cook salmon and a few other things this week because...adulting) and two flavors of Monster I said I wouldn't knock until I tried. I swear, the things I do for.the.children! I was at Kroger and realized I needed more bagels. The problem is...Kroger bagels are utter trash. So I finished up there and went to Tom Thumb. As I walked around the store figuring out what else I needed this is what unfolded (as told through a social media comment):
I saw a guy at Kroger who smiled at me. Duh. I'm cute. Then I saw the same guy at Tom Thumb 15 minutes later. He's all, "Were you just at Kroger?" and I'm all, "Yep, but then I had to come here because Kroger's bagels are trash." He starts laughing way harder than polite laughter. I look in his cart. Bagels. It was funny. The guy with him just shook his head and walked away.
Because...story of my life. At least it wasn't a firefighter this time.
Anyway. I finished packing up my son's room tonight and, now that I have packing tape, I can keep moving ahead tomorrow. I'm not sure if I'll be able to move but I do know, with this order in place, I should have more time to pack because nobody should be coming to look at my house while I'm working from home to mold the minds of students.
Speaking of: I sent them a video blast today in pink, polka dot pajamas where I yelled at myself for touching my face about 6 times during the video and kept saying "it's fine." One of the girls suggested I start a YouTube channel so she could laugh all the time. Several others responded to a rainbow heart check-in I sent out today where they responded with the color heart they were feeling (each color means something different ranging from "I'm great!" to "I'm not okay. I need someone to reach out now." There were lots of points of contact and that made my teacher and mama heart super happy.
Tomorrow is our last day of Spring Break before we transition to digital learning. I don't know what's coming or what to expect but I'm excited to get back in a new, albeit weird, routine with my kids.
Aubs
Saturday, March 21, 2020
A Plan
Like most, I enjoy life so much more when I have a plan. I almost always take great detours from these plans but at least there's an initial jumping off point. Artistic liberties are all well and good (I take a lot of them) but I like to have a very basic plan in place so I feel like I've at least accomplished something. You know, like when you make your bed in the morning so at least you know you've accomplished one thing before the rest of your day takes a downward spiral? Except then I read that making your bed actually traps dust mites and other nasty stuff so being a slob is actually healthy. Who knew?!
Just don't tell my kids. They'll be all "Challenge: ACCEPTED" to up their slob game and I can't deal. Of course, I'm also looking for a place to live where they will be guests instead of daily inhabitants so my life is about to get really weird. I've been trying to talk it up for a while now but it just feels...empty.
Anyway, I went on an adventure today. My quest? To find toilet paper for my mom. Someone posted on social media that there was some at a Mexican grocery store in the next town so I took off and scored some. Now, every time anyone uses toilet paper at her house they'll basically become bilingual. It's very fancy.
In a ploy to get her out of the house (she's stir crazy but we agree she doesn't really need to GO anywhere) I asked her if she wanted to come pick it up from my house because it's not her house and she readily agreed. When she came over I asked her to be my secretary and jot down a list of things I needed to do, first and foremost, to make my house ready to show. I threw a bunch of stuff in the dumpster and organized boxes until I ran out of packing tape and then I put her to work looking up apartments.
She asked a bunch of questions, I answered them, and then I got into the idea of looking for apartments so we left to drive around. You know, as it was getting dark and starting to rain, aka the perfect time to go look at complexes and get a feel for the area. (insert eye roll here)
We made our way through the area that I had designated as potential prospects and made a few notes...jotted some more names down, scratched some off (although she was sneaky and just made "probably not but still look them up" notes on them instead of them being "dead to me" like I might've said once or twice). It was fun, just driving around and trying to figure out where in the heck the leasing offices actually were because...I don't know, man...apartment complexes have doubled in size. Either that or my last one, 5 years ago, was really small. Wow, has it really been 5 years since I've lived in an apartment? I don't miss it...except for the speedy maintenance service.
I came home and went through the list, looking for floorplans, availability, and price. Then I emailed my apartment locator guy, gave him my thoughts, and said, "It's in your hands now. No pressure." or something like that.
We'll see if he responds. It does seem entirely likely that I will not get to see or tour even the office of anywhere I move in May, IF I even get to move because of this whole pandemic.
It's weird.
Aubs
Just don't tell my kids. They'll be all "Challenge: ACCEPTED" to up their slob game and I can't deal. Of course, I'm also looking for a place to live where they will be guests instead of daily inhabitants so my life is about to get really weird. I've been trying to talk it up for a while now but it just feels...empty.
Anyway, I went on an adventure today. My quest? To find toilet paper for my mom. Someone posted on social media that there was some at a Mexican grocery store in the next town so I took off and scored some. Now, every time anyone uses toilet paper at her house they'll basically become bilingual. It's very fancy.
In a ploy to get her out of the house (she's stir crazy but we agree she doesn't really need to GO anywhere) I asked her if she wanted to come pick it up from my house because it's not her house and she readily agreed. When she came over I asked her to be my secretary and jot down a list of things I needed to do, first and foremost, to make my house ready to show. I threw a bunch of stuff in the dumpster and organized boxes until I ran out of packing tape and then I put her to work looking up apartments.
She asked a bunch of questions, I answered them, and then I got into the idea of looking for apartments so we left to drive around. You know, as it was getting dark and starting to rain, aka the perfect time to go look at complexes and get a feel for the area. (insert eye roll here)
We made our way through the area that I had designated as potential prospects and made a few notes...jotted some more names down, scratched some off (although she was sneaky and just made "probably not but still look them up" notes on them instead of them being "dead to me" like I might've said once or twice). It was fun, just driving around and trying to figure out where in the heck the leasing offices actually were because...I don't know, man...apartment complexes have doubled in size. Either that or my last one, 5 years ago, was really small. Wow, has it really been 5 years since I've lived in an apartment? I don't miss it...except for the speedy maintenance service.
I came home and went through the list, looking for floorplans, availability, and price. Then I emailed my apartment locator guy, gave him my thoughts, and said, "It's in your hands now. No pressure." or something like that.
We'll see if he responds. It does seem entirely likely that I will not get to see or tour even the office of anywhere I move in May, IF I even get to move because of this whole pandemic.
It's weird.
Aubs
Friday, March 20, 2020
Day 8 of 24
When I wake up each morning my mind immediately scrambles for the day; not the day of the week, not the date, but the number. Today is day 8 of 24, minimum. While we're only 1/3 of the way through this hot mess it's still way better than when it was day 3. Baby steps.
Today was also a huge day for the majority of my kids. Today the College Board released how they intend to test my kids for college credit. I understand that it is a business and to cancel altogether would require massive refunds worldwide but man...I'd be lying if I didn't say this decision didn't put a lot more pressure on my kids. Luckily, the exam is abbreviated, in more ways that one. It's much shorter (hooray!) but it also only includes writing, which is something that terrifies my students, partially because I am considered a harsh grader (even though I'm quite lenient) and partially because they don't have a strong foundation of AP History writing.
This is the new normal so we've been working on it as best we can. I have seen some improvements this year so I am proud of their individual efforts. They surprise and impress me every day, which is why I get so frustrated when they respond to the announcement with "Oh great, I'm going to fail."
Switching from my Dubs hat to my Aubs hat: My biggest kid has been over for a couple of nights. The premise of his stay is to clean, organize, and weed out all of the crap in his room. What it has been is a lot of record playing, Pokemon watching, food eating, and sloth-like behavior. And man, I get it. The kid's been working nonstop (God bless delivery drivers) and I know he's exhausted but it took a long time to make this mess and it's going to take exponentially longer to clean it all up and get it ready to move.
So, I did it. Well, I made a huge, 4 hour dent in it because I couldn't just sit there and stare any longer. I started filling and labeling boxes. Then I took stuff off the walls. There is now a huge mountain of laundry (because you can't pack things into boxes that are dirty...that's just gross) and there is visible progress, which makes me feel some satisfaction.
BECAUSE THE CLOCK IS TICKING. And I am starting to stress out. And, when I stress out, I want to do what I have to do even less than I wanted to do it before. So, teenagers, I get it way more than you think I do. Once again.
Also, what's up with the freakin' weather? I mean, it's typical Texas, but I'm really getting tired of the damn roller coaster. Hey, Mother Nature...we've got enough going on here without you being super extra. I literally feel like I'm living in a Katy Perry song: I'm hot, then I'm cold (weather), it's yes then it's no (then yes again...AP exam), I'm in then I'm out (school/no school), it's up then it's down...must I continue? I totally can. It's not like I have anything else to do...besides pack. Nope. I don't want to.
I guess it's better than discussing the availability of toilet paper in my immediate area. Spoiler alert: it isn't.
This is such a crazy time. I really couldn't make it up if I tried. Nobody could. Speaking of: Yesterday the biggest mind-blowing moment was when someone told me to Google the name of the kingdom Rapunzel lives in in Tangled. You know, she's basically quarantined by her "mother" in the kingdom of Corona. What. The. Hell.
Hanging in there but starting to lose my mind. Some would say it's a short trip.
Aubs
Today was also a huge day for the majority of my kids. Today the College Board released how they intend to test my kids for college credit. I understand that it is a business and to cancel altogether would require massive refunds worldwide but man...I'd be lying if I didn't say this decision didn't put a lot more pressure on my kids. Luckily, the exam is abbreviated, in more ways that one. It's much shorter (hooray!) but it also only includes writing, which is something that terrifies my students, partially because I am considered a harsh grader (even though I'm quite lenient) and partially because they don't have a strong foundation of AP History writing.
This is the new normal so we've been working on it as best we can. I have seen some improvements this year so I am proud of their individual efforts. They surprise and impress me every day, which is why I get so frustrated when they respond to the announcement with "Oh great, I'm going to fail."
Switching from my Dubs hat to my Aubs hat: My biggest kid has been over for a couple of nights. The premise of his stay is to clean, organize, and weed out all of the crap in his room. What it has been is a lot of record playing, Pokemon watching, food eating, and sloth-like behavior. And man, I get it. The kid's been working nonstop (God bless delivery drivers) and I know he's exhausted but it took a long time to make this mess and it's going to take exponentially longer to clean it all up and get it ready to move.
So, I did it. Well, I made a huge, 4 hour dent in it because I couldn't just sit there and stare any longer. I started filling and labeling boxes. Then I took stuff off the walls. There is now a huge mountain of laundry (because you can't pack things into boxes that are dirty...that's just gross) and there is visible progress, which makes me feel some satisfaction.
BECAUSE THE CLOCK IS TICKING. And I am starting to stress out. And, when I stress out, I want to do what I have to do even less than I wanted to do it before. So, teenagers, I get it way more than you think I do. Once again.
Also, what's up with the freakin' weather? I mean, it's typical Texas, but I'm really getting tired of the damn roller coaster. Hey, Mother Nature...we've got enough going on here without you being super extra. I literally feel like I'm living in a Katy Perry song: I'm hot, then I'm cold (weather), it's yes then it's no (then yes again...AP exam), I'm in then I'm out (school/no school), it's up then it's down...must I continue? I totally can. It's not like I have anything else to do...besides pack. Nope. I don't want to.
I guess it's better than discussing the availability of toilet paper in my immediate area. Spoiler alert: it isn't.
This is such a crazy time. I really couldn't make it up if I tried. Nobody could. Speaking of: Yesterday the biggest mind-blowing moment was when someone told me to Google the name of the kingdom Rapunzel lives in in Tangled. You know, she's basically quarantined by her "mother" in the kingdom of Corona. What. The. Hell.
Hanging in there but starting to lose my mind. Some would say it's a short trip.
Aubs
Thursday, March 19, 2020
Netflix Obsessions
I often get recommendations from my family members and friends. Sometimes they work out and sometimes they're just "meh." I told my students this year to flood me with things I should watch on Netflix and Hulu and Prime, partially because their justifications for it make me laugh but also because I get a lot of intel about them with their suggestions.
Interestingly, my work bestie was the one who gave me the recommendation to watch "On My Block" on Netflix. I watched an episode, publicly declared my obsession, and proceeded to binge. If you haven't seen it...watch it. It's a coming of age "DeGrassi-esque" show with the most awesome mix of main characters. I'm torn between which of the characters I love the most because they all have their amazing qualities but I'm here to say that Abuelita is the most amazing character on that show. They all love her and they all tell her everything and she's always there for them.
If they called me Abuelita (ONLY referencing her character...I'm not THAT old, sheesh!) then I would happily accept that nickname. Anyway, OMB is one of those where you laugh, you cry, and then you get super pissed. SO. PISSED. That's all I have to say about that. There better be a 4th season. Okay. Now that's really all I have to say about it. Probably. But watch it. It's freaking great!
Several darlings also suggested "All American," also on Netflix. This is a large departure from my lengthy and deep true crime binge. I have learned so much about where and how to effectively hide a body, so these dramas filled with teenage angst remind me exactly of what I'm missing by not being in school right now. Except, you know...I don't actually have to deal with said teenage angst so that's a huge bonus. I can yell at the tv, turn it off in frustration, and then immediately go back to it.
I spent a little while video chatting with a couple of my girls from school today. They are two that I often worry about; both are bottlers of their emotions (like I am) and, even though I know this is technically spring break, it's day 7 of 24 and we are not okay.
My doorbell kept going crazy today and I realized that my landlord had his realtor place a sign in front of it and people who are interested have absolutely no qualms about trying to peek in the windows. Qualms is a great word.
Tomorrow I will start packing boxes. Maybe. Or I will finish recording the book I didn't finish today. Possibly. Or I won't do any of it.
Living my best life...in a bubble because I'm being forced to even though the bubble life is NOT the best life.
Aubs
Interestingly, my work bestie was the one who gave me the recommendation to watch "On My Block" on Netflix. I watched an episode, publicly declared my obsession, and proceeded to binge. If you haven't seen it...watch it. It's a coming of age "DeGrassi-esque" show with the most awesome mix of main characters. I'm torn between which of the characters I love the most because they all have their amazing qualities but I'm here to say that Abuelita is the most amazing character on that show. They all love her and they all tell her everything and she's always there for them.
If they called me Abuelita (ONLY referencing her character...I'm not THAT old, sheesh!) then I would happily accept that nickname. Anyway, OMB is one of those where you laugh, you cry, and then you get super pissed. SO. PISSED. That's all I have to say about that. There better be a 4th season. Okay. Now that's really all I have to say about it. Probably. But watch it. It's freaking great!
Several darlings also suggested "All American," also on Netflix. This is a large departure from my lengthy and deep true crime binge. I have learned so much about where and how to effectively hide a body, so these dramas filled with teenage angst remind me exactly of what I'm missing by not being in school right now. Except, you know...I don't actually have to deal with said teenage angst so that's a huge bonus. I can yell at the tv, turn it off in frustration, and then immediately go back to it.
I spent a little while video chatting with a couple of my girls from school today. They are two that I often worry about; both are bottlers of their emotions (like I am) and, even though I know this is technically spring break, it's day 7 of 24 and we are not okay.
My doorbell kept going crazy today and I realized that my landlord had his realtor place a sign in front of it and people who are interested have absolutely no qualms about trying to peek in the windows. Qualms is a great word.
Tomorrow I will start packing boxes. Maybe. Or I will finish recording the book I didn't finish today. Possibly. Or I won't do any of it.
Living my best life...in a bubble because I'm being forced to even though the bubble life is NOT the best life.
Aubs
Wednesday, March 18, 2020
Sometimes the dam just breaks...
Today was just a rough day.
I woke up to an email from the sweet guy who owns the condo I rent. He and his family have been living in another country for a couple of years and I figured it was an email asking if I intended to renew, something he's asked me before but I wasn't sure about just yet. Instead it detailed an emergent situation that required him to place the condo on the market really quickly and also included his deepest apologies.
And, because he is such a wonderful man, I know his words were genuine but that didn't stop them from hitting me in the temple like a fastball screaming down a baseline. Yeah, I totally mixed a bunch of analogies there but just go with it. I don't even know right now.
I'm just surviving today.
So now I have a very SMALL finite amount of time to get started (and finished) with packing, clean up enough for my condo to be shown, and find another place. No big deal, right? Except...CORONA.
This damn virus is really pissing me off today. You know what it's hard to do? Find an apartment when you're practicing social distancing. You know what else is not on my top ten list? Having people traipsing in and out of your condo while you're trying to teach because...digital/distance learning starts next week. And to top it off, I'm really not thrilled with the idea of randoms coming into my condo with whatever germs they might have, germs that I might unknowingly pass along to my mother who gets chemo once a week.
I'm sure it's all fine.
Then, I talked to my youngest today. He's at his dad's right now and we've been trying to work out a time he can come back because I miss the crap out of him but then my town announced that another person in our community has tested positive for..you guessed it...and now my kid is afraid to come to my house because he doesn't want to get sick. In his defense, he's really good at getting the most obscure illnesses anyway so I understand his concern but it doesn't make me miss him any less.
When I told him I felt like him coming to visit was the equivalent of the dollar dangling from the fishing pole in the State Farm commercials, he laughed, swore it wasn't like that, and told me he loved me.
And that's when the damn dam broke. I lost it. I went temporarily insane. I sobbed and sobbed and dry heaved and sobbed some more. I let myself cry because I miss my own kids and I let myself cry because I miss my school kids and I let myself cry because I don't know when I'll see any of them again. I let myself cry because I really hate moving and I don't even know what's going on with my job and where I'll live next and what I'll do if this dang quarantine continues for the remainder of the year or into the summer.
Freaking CORONA won the battle today. It beat me down and I let it because I am human and that's okay. But I'll be damned if I let it win the war. I'm way too stubborn for that to happen.
I also started recording an audiobook for my regular classes. As I replayed pieces of it to check for volume I was like, "Ew, is that how I really sound? YIKES." Sorry, kids. I was going to take my time and just read four chapters a day to upload...but a few hours later, my throat is dry and I've made it halfway through the book. So while part of me is proud of myself for productivity (read: avoidance), the other part of me is all, "Pace yourself, sister."
Today I just feel all kinds of defeated. I feel isolated just like I told my kids they might as they venture into this next chapter. I hate it and the urge to cry nonstop has not fully dissipated but I know it will...eventually. Hopefully by tomorrow because I'm not about to have two trainwreck days in a row, or even in the same week. I don't have time for that.
I have boxes to pack...apparently. Meh.
Aubs
Tuesday, March 17, 2020
Lasagna
In case you were curious...lasagna is totally my love language. It takes time to prepare and it's cheesy deliciousness makes my heart happy while also clogging my arteries but I'm sure it's fine. To not enjoy lasagna would mean not living my best life and I am all about living my best life, even if that "best" life is less than best right now because it's more like "bubble life is the only option for life which will EVENTUALLY lead to my best life, bubble free," but that's really long so let's just stick to "Lasagna life is the best life."
Friends of mine who teach in Kansas just found out that they will not see their kids, in person, for the remainder of the 2019-2020 school year. My heart is broken for them and their grief is palpable. I feel it so deeply for them because the threat of it happening where I live is also incredibly real and, since I do everything "all in," I will be totally destroyed if I don't see my kids again this year.
In fact, I wrote each group a letter yesterday that had me in tears and not even the cute, eyes are filling up, oh no...there goes a lone tear, tears. They were ugly and puffy and soul-shattering. Not my finest moment but definitely one of the realest ones.
Today I tracked down eggs because I feel like stress baking. The downside is my AP kids will not benefit from my stress and said baked goods will just sit here and go to waste. Maybe I'll freeze them...and then, if we ever get to see each other again, I can be all, "Here, these are from day 5 of 7.3 trillion days of social distancing. They might break your teeth but I thought of you when I made them so it's endearing."
Last night I broke the rules and went over to my framily's house for human interaction and also to see my bestie for the restie, Bo Jackson Rodman, the sweetest labradoodle you'll ever know. Well, you don't know him but I do so just trust me on this one. We made lasagna, we worked on a puzzle, we talked about current events and I became the source for news and information (which is HILARIOUS, y'all), and then we went upstairs to watch 1917. Bo was riveted.
Okay, so maybe not...but he stayed still for pretty much the entire movie and everyone who was watching stayed awake, which is actually something to write home about. Usually 1/4 of us falls asleep really fast and another 1/4 isn't too far behind the first one and then the others finish the movie, discuss it, and get snacks before the others wake up and ask, "What did I miss?" Like clockwork. Every. Single. Time. It's the little (read: normal) things that bring joy and happiness these days.
You know what else would bring joy and happiness? School. Yeah, I know. But at this point, even though we're on spring break, and not even extended spring break, if you were to poll my school kids, most of them would say they'd rather be there. AND SO WOULD I. They don't come to me for cheerleading and positivity. They come to me because they know I won't lie to them and I won't sugarcoat what's going on. Are we going back to school? I don't know but when I know, so will they.
Until then I'm consuming copious amounts of coffee which is probably problematic in the long run, but what do I have to do? Oh, that's right.
Nothing.
Aubs
Friends of mine who teach in Kansas just found out that they will not see their kids, in person, for the remainder of the 2019-2020 school year. My heart is broken for them and their grief is palpable. I feel it so deeply for them because the threat of it happening where I live is also incredibly real and, since I do everything "all in," I will be totally destroyed if I don't see my kids again this year.
In fact, I wrote each group a letter yesterday that had me in tears and not even the cute, eyes are filling up, oh no...there goes a lone tear, tears. They were ugly and puffy and soul-shattering. Not my finest moment but definitely one of the realest ones.
Today I tracked down eggs because I feel like stress baking. The downside is my AP kids will not benefit from my stress and said baked goods will just sit here and go to waste. Maybe I'll freeze them...and then, if we ever get to see each other again, I can be all, "Here, these are from day 5 of 7.3 trillion days of social distancing. They might break your teeth but I thought of you when I made them so it's endearing."
Last night I broke the rules and went over to my framily's house for human interaction and also to see my bestie for the restie, Bo Jackson Rodman, the sweetest labradoodle you'll ever know. Well, you don't know him but I do so just trust me on this one. We made lasagna, we worked on a puzzle, we talked about current events and I became the source for news and information (which is HILARIOUS, y'all), and then we went upstairs to watch 1917. Bo was riveted.
You know what else would bring joy and happiness? School. Yeah, I know. But at this point, even though we're on spring break, and not even extended spring break, if you were to poll my school kids, most of them would say they'd rather be there. AND SO WOULD I. They don't come to me for cheerleading and positivity. They come to me because they know I won't lie to them and I won't sugarcoat what's going on. Are we going back to school? I don't know but when I know, so will they.
Until then I'm consuming copious amounts of coffee which is probably problematic in the long run, but what do I have to do? Oh, that's right.
Nothing.
Aubs
Monday, March 16, 2020
I just like normal. This is not normal.
Since I've already lost track of the days being on an extended break I was surprised to wake up to a ton of alerts about Governor Abbott waiving all EOC/STAAR tests for the year. I mean, I knew it was probably coming but I wasn't necessarily expecting it to be announced quite so soon. There is very little, if any, continuity between districts and that causes even more chaos. The district where I live extended their spring break by a week (3/20), my younger son's district extended by two weeks, (3/27) and the district where I work just started spring break and has already extended two weeks beyond that (4/6). All of this is contingent upon what comes next: will there be more extensions and will they become equal for the state? It's hard to tell...but it worries me...a lot.
I know my boys are fine. What I worry about is my school kids. I truly do love them all, even (and also especially) the ones that drive me crazy on a semi-regular basis. I love the challenge they bring to my life and I love how I've started to see tiny cracks in their facades because it shows me that I am getting through to them. I worry about my students in regular classes who fail to see this pandemic for what it is, the ones who are pumped about a super long spring break/summer and continue to live their lives in a way that is the exact opposite of what is being passed along by all levels of government and the CDC. I worry about my AP kids who want to take this test that might not happen anymore. The latest on that front is that the College Board is looking at resources for students and potentially working on an online, at home exam option. The main issue with that is the lack of reliable internet. In these dark times (I wrote that in Hagrid's voice..."It was dark times, Harry, dark times.") I don't want my kids to have to worry about anything else because they worry about so much.
So now we wait. And as we wait I continue to ignore the fact that I need to clean my house (sigh) and begin to pack boxes to move in May (double sigh) and instead choose to dwell on the fact that it's really hard to imagine not seeing the people you've seen on a daily basis since August anymore. I was so excited to start working in a district where I thought I would truly be able to make a difference. When it actually began, however, I was completely unsure I was in the right place. I doubted myself for months. Things would start to fall into place and then I'd find myself facing the deepest doubt yet. It was hard to get up and go to work each morning but I did it, partially because I am a grownup with bills to pay and partially because I knew I was an example whether I liked it or not. And then a crazy thing happened: it started to get easier. I started to be happy to go back to work on Monday mornings. More students started buying into my class and giving me a chance. By the time we hit the end of the first semester and I found out I was losing a regular class period to pick up another AP class I was devastated.
When the second semester began I was super-apprehensive of this new AP class because the APUSH teacher and I are very different. (We get along and speak in our own language of song/movie quotes and stay on similar pacing but our activities and delivery are often quite different.) I was nervous...like first day of school nervous, and now I feel like I've been cheated by not having them all year long. They are challenging and creative and entertaining in ways that are reminiscent of students I've taught in the past, and I feel like we were able to pick up and move forward without skipping a beat. I can't imagine not having them now...
***THIS PART IS PURE SPECULATION ON MY PART.*** But the thing is this whole pandemic makes me fearful that I won't have them again. With districts continuing to push their "digital/distance learning" dates further and further back, the end of the school year seems like it's already passed. If Thursday was the last day I will see my students this year then I am utterly heartbroken. My district is already scheduled to return the first full week in April. Districts in other parts of the country are out for 6-8 weeks and I can only assume that Texas will continue that trend once more information becomes available. With the CDC recommending that groups of 50 or more cease meeting for 8 weeks, it only stands to reason that school districts will eventually be included in that recommendation (they are not currently). With the end of the school year falling at the end of May and state testing ceasing to exist, what is the actual point? I hate it because I truly love what I do and there's such a sense of uncertainty. I haven't been formally observed for my probationary contract as a new employee of this district. My contract hasn't been renewed. I won't have any "data" to speak of without these tests that show I am good at what I do. It's all so uncertain and that's what makes me nervous. ***THIS ENDS THE PURE SPECULATION SECTION OF MY MUSINGS.***
Waiting is the hardest part and since this is our spring break I am trying not to be a pain the butt to my students by sending out daily updates but so much of it is self-serving. I am one who needs human contact. I can lose myself in a world of streaming television, books, social media, etc., just as easily as the next person but I cannot do it for days on end. If you're keeping track (Lord knows I am) this is day 4 of (minimum) 24 and I'm already feeling an utter sense of chaos, lack of self-motivation, and complete uselessness. If I, as a competent and fairly "together" adult, am feeling this way it causes me physical pain to imagine how my 176 precious treasures are faring right now. A break is healthy and a great way to recharge and relax but human beings need structure and a plan.
I'm not doing well with social distancing. I hate not being around my own kids because this seems like it would be a mixture of happier and more stressful with them around. I despise not being around my school kids because I'm not sure who needs whom more at this point...but it might be that I need them more. I just like normal. This is not normal.
This just feels like total chaos, like the tornado in The Wizard of Oz has picked all of us up and is just tossing us around until we're all so discombobulated that we don't know which way is up when we land.
Ironically, my coffee cup of the day is "Toto...I don't think we're in Kansas anymore." I couldn't have planned that if I tried.
Aubs
I know my boys are fine. What I worry about is my school kids. I truly do love them all, even (and also especially) the ones that drive me crazy on a semi-regular basis. I love the challenge they bring to my life and I love how I've started to see tiny cracks in their facades because it shows me that I am getting through to them. I worry about my students in regular classes who fail to see this pandemic for what it is, the ones who are pumped about a super long spring break/summer and continue to live their lives in a way that is the exact opposite of what is being passed along by all levels of government and the CDC. I worry about my AP kids who want to take this test that might not happen anymore. The latest on that front is that the College Board is looking at resources for students and potentially working on an online, at home exam option. The main issue with that is the lack of reliable internet. In these dark times (I wrote that in Hagrid's voice..."It was dark times, Harry, dark times.") I don't want my kids to have to worry about anything else because they worry about so much.
So now we wait. And as we wait I continue to ignore the fact that I need to clean my house (sigh) and begin to pack boxes to move in May (double sigh) and instead choose to dwell on the fact that it's really hard to imagine not seeing the people you've seen on a daily basis since August anymore. I was so excited to start working in a district where I thought I would truly be able to make a difference. When it actually began, however, I was completely unsure I was in the right place. I doubted myself for months. Things would start to fall into place and then I'd find myself facing the deepest doubt yet. It was hard to get up and go to work each morning but I did it, partially because I am a grownup with bills to pay and partially because I knew I was an example whether I liked it or not. And then a crazy thing happened: it started to get easier. I started to be happy to go back to work on Monday mornings. More students started buying into my class and giving me a chance. By the time we hit the end of the first semester and I found out I was losing a regular class period to pick up another AP class I was devastated.
When the second semester began I was super-apprehensive of this new AP class because the APUSH teacher and I are very different. (We get along and speak in our own language of song/movie quotes and stay on similar pacing but our activities and delivery are often quite different.) I was nervous...like first day of school nervous, and now I feel like I've been cheated by not having them all year long. They are challenging and creative and entertaining in ways that are reminiscent of students I've taught in the past, and I feel like we were able to pick up and move forward without skipping a beat. I can't imagine not having them now...
***THIS PART IS PURE SPECULATION ON MY PART.*** But the thing is this whole pandemic makes me fearful that I won't have them again. With districts continuing to push their "digital/distance learning" dates further and further back, the end of the school year seems like it's already passed. If Thursday was the last day I will see my students this year then I am utterly heartbroken. My district is already scheduled to return the first full week in April. Districts in other parts of the country are out for 6-8 weeks and I can only assume that Texas will continue that trend once more information becomes available. With the CDC recommending that groups of 50 or more cease meeting for 8 weeks, it only stands to reason that school districts will eventually be included in that recommendation (they are not currently). With the end of the school year falling at the end of May and state testing ceasing to exist, what is the actual point? I hate it because I truly love what I do and there's such a sense of uncertainty. I haven't been formally observed for my probationary contract as a new employee of this district. My contract hasn't been renewed. I won't have any "data" to speak of without these tests that show I am good at what I do. It's all so uncertain and that's what makes me nervous. ***THIS ENDS THE PURE SPECULATION SECTION OF MY MUSINGS.***
Waiting is the hardest part and since this is our spring break I am trying not to be a pain the butt to my students by sending out daily updates but so much of it is self-serving. I am one who needs human contact. I can lose myself in a world of streaming television, books, social media, etc., just as easily as the next person but I cannot do it for days on end. If you're keeping track (Lord knows I am) this is day 4 of (minimum) 24 and I'm already feeling an utter sense of chaos, lack of self-motivation, and complete uselessness. If I, as a competent and fairly "together" adult, am feeling this way it causes me physical pain to imagine how my 176 precious treasures are faring right now. A break is healthy and a great way to recharge and relax but human beings need structure and a plan.
I'm not doing well with social distancing. I hate not being around my own kids because this seems like it would be a mixture of happier and more stressful with them around. I despise not being around my school kids because I'm not sure who needs whom more at this point...but it might be that I need them more. I just like normal. This is not normal.
This just feels like total chaos, like the tornado in The Wizard of Oz has picked all of us up and is just tossing us around until we're all so discombobulated that we don't know which way is up when we land.
Ironically, my coffee cup of the day is "Toto...I don't think we're in Kansas anymore." I couldn't have planned that if I tried.
Aubs
Sunday, March 15, 2020
Social Distancing: How it's Driving Me Crazy
First, let me tell you...if you were to ask my students (who already think I'm psychotic on most days) they would tell you that "crazy" isn't a far trip for me. I'm not saying they're right; I'm just saying I'm not what they're used to and that makes me pretty dang proud of myself.
Whether it's the kid who tells me, "I don't know how to read you. I can't figure you out." or the several who reach out to me via our messaging system about things that are going on in their lives, I know that I am making an impact in their lives and, let's be real...that's the reason I do what I do: to make a difference and to make sure my kids know that I've got them, always.
This might come as a shock but I am a very social person. I enjoy meeting new people, talking to them and getting to know them, learning new things, and laughing. I love laughing. And rolling my eyes. As a teacher of high school students I do this frequently. Oh! And deadpan stares. I'm REALLY good at that one these days. So when my district opted to close for 24 days (including 11 days of Spring Break) my immediate thought was "I'm going to die (without social interaction)." It's a good thing I'm not dramatic.
No, if I'm being real my first thought was "What are my kids going to do?" So many of them look forward to coming to school to socialize as well as learn. So many of them come to school for love and acceptance and acknowledgement of their existence. When the information was sent to staff I did the first thing that came to mind: I made a video. I promised my kids I would let them know as soon as I knew anything and I will do whatever I need to do to make sure I fulfill these promises. The main issue was that I was in the longest, slowest-moving line ever at a grocery store I never go to because I branched out since "Mexican grocery stores never run out of stuff," per my students. While they weren't entirely wrong, there was a whole lot of chaos going on so it took a while for me to send the video. So, there I am: glasses, absolutely no makeup, wearing a hat to hide my identity in case I am recognized, in the parking lot of the grocery store, on take two of the video (because I didn't like my face in take one...honesty is the best policy) and I'm finally wrapping it up when "IT" happens. A bird lands on the hood of my car. I'm about to hit the button to stop recording but then I see the shiny, irridescent, creepy eye of a crow staring at me and I dropped my phone, hitting the stop button in the process. I'm glad because I think I'd have to do a third take if I threw up on video.
Then my kids started responding and I love that they respond to me. I love that they aren't afraid to tell me what they have on their minds: their fears, their concerns, their excitement, their joy, their...anything. I know that trust doesn't come easily and I am so grateful that I have gained that trust. It took work. It took vulnerability on my part, not to mention perseverance, and it's always a work in progress but those kids, man...they make my job not seem like a job.
And then there are the delightful blessings who immediately respond to say, "WE HAVE THREE WEEKS FOR SPRING BREAK?!" and I'm mentally bashing my head into the window as I reply, "No, dear one...you're doing distance learning so we don't have to go to school in June. You DO have to participate as best you can." Another says, "Yeah, so my internet just got shut off, so I guess I can't participate," to which I reply, "You know I teach your sister, too, right? And you know she'll take care of her responsibilities, so perhaps you should work to get your stories straight." And while it's sometimes exasperating it is almost always entertaining so I just laugh and remember how grateful I am that they do reach out and just talk to me.
There are others who are hesitant to admit it out loud but I know they are bummed about not being in school for three weeks. It's so much more than a place to get an education. It's where they go to belong or to excel. Because of that, and also because I literally can't imagine zero contact for three weeks, I am firing up the Remind with daily messages (nothing new) and working to set up a Zoom account to do video conferencing, discussions, and other interactive lessons. Some will do the work because they are motivated and some will show up solely for entertainment. Sometimes I'm boring but most of them will say they show up because they never know what I'm going to do next. It's all part of the "Dubs" experience! :)
Truth be told, though, I am concerned about this whole pandemic, not because of the illness but because of the dramatic change in routine. I am concerned for those who will lose sight of the end game during this hiatus from daily routines. I am concerned for those who are already stressing themselves out about tests in May because the majority of my kids are doubly tested in the same week with state testing and AP exams. This is hugely detrimental to my AP classes but they are not the only students who are in this boat. If we only get through the 1920s, then that's what we can do. The AP exam will be scaled accordingly. This is a huge plot-twist but it is also an amazing way to incorporate the fact that we are constantly living history in our daily lives. Someday they will be able to tell their children and grandchildren how they lived through a pandemic when they were juniors in high school: where they were, how they felt, what they experienced. That is the most valuable lesson in all of this, I think. As a teacher, I hate not being in the classroom with my kids. I hate breaking routine and I miss them terribly...even though it's basically been a normal weekend, it's the fact that I know this "weekend" is multiplied several times over and that is where I struggle. I'd argue some of them are struggling with it, too.
It's day 3 of 24 and I'm bored out of my mind but it's fine..it's fine...it's fine. Probably. I have everything I need and my own boys have everything they need but I do worry about whether all of my school kids have what they need. Several of them have sent scholarship essays to me so I can read and help to edit them and, I must say, it's been fun learning about what people would see if they were to do an internet search on them in 30 years.
So, in an attempt to maintain normalcy, I continue to send musings, articles, and fun facts. I suggest and accept recommendations for things to watch, read, and eat. I reveal far more of my nerdy side than I ever intended but it's all part of my charm. Or something. I swear it's endearing.
HOWEVER, I am seriously regretting saying "Bubble life is the best life" over and over last week. I was referring to the United States and its stance on isolationism...NOT THIS HOT MESS.
I'm bored. Help!
Aubs
Whether it's the kid who tells me, "I don't know how to read you. I can't figure you out." or the several who reach out to me via our messaging system about things that are going on in their lives, I know that I am making an impact in their lives and, let's be real...that's the reason I do what I do: to make a difference and to make sure my kids know that I've got them, always.
This might come as a shock but I am a very social person. I enjoy meeting new people, talking to them and getting to know them, learning new things, and laughing. I love laughing. And rolling my eyes. As a teacher of high school students I do this frequently. Oh! And deadpan stares. I'm REALLY good at that one these days. So when my district opted to close for 24 days (including 11 days of Spring Break) my immediate thought was "I'm going to die (without social interaction)." It's a good thing I'm not dramatic.
No, if I'm being real my first thought was "What are my kids going to do?" So many of them look forward to coming to school to socialize as well as learn. So many of them come to school for love and acceptance and acknowledgement of their existence. When the information was sent to staff I did the first thing that came to mind: I made a video. I promised my kids I would let them know as soon as I knew anything and I will do whatever I need to do to make sure I fulfill these promises. The main issue was that I was in the longest, slowest-moving line ever at a grocery store I never go to because I branched out since "Mexican grocery stores never run out of stuff," per my students. While they weren't entirely wrong, there was a whole lot of chaos going on so it took a while for me to send the video. So, there I am: glasses, absolutely no makeup, wearing a hat to hide my identity in case I am recognized, in the parking lot of the grocery store, on take two of the video (because I didn't like my face in take one...honesty is the best policy) and I'm finally wrapping it up when "IT" happens. A bird lands on the hood of my car. I'm about to hit the button to stop recording but then I see the shiny, irridescent, creepy eye of a crow staring at me and I dropped my phone, hitting the stop button in the process. I'm glad because I think I'd have to do a third take if I threw up on video.
Then my kids started responding and I love that they respond to me. I love that they aren't afraid to tell me what they have on their minds: their fears, their concerns, their excitement, their joy, their...anything. I know that trust doesn't come easily and I am so grateful that I have gained that trust. It took work. It took vulnerability on my part, not to mention perseverance, and it's always a work in progress but those kids, man...they make my job not seem like a job.
And then there are the delightful blessings who immediately respond to say, "WE HAVE THREE WEEKS FOR SPRING BREAK?!" and I'm mentally bashing my head into the window as I reply, "No, dear one...you're doing distance learning so we don't have to go to school in June. You DO have to participate as best you can." Another says, "Yeah, so my internet just got shut off, so I guess I can't participate," to which I reply, "You know I teach your sister, too, right? And you know she'll take care of her responsibilities, so perhaps you should work to get your stories straight." And while it's sometimes exasperating it is almost always entertaining so I just laugh and remember how grateful I am that they do reach out and just talk to me.
There are others who are hesitant to admit it out loud but I know they are bummed about not being in school for three weeks. It's so much more than a place to get an education. It's where they go to belong or to excel. Because of that, and also because I literally can't imagine zero contact for three weeks, I am firing up the Remind with daily messages (nothing new) and working to set up a Zoom account to do video conferencing, discussions, and other interactive lessons. Some will do the work because they are motivated and some will show up solely for entertainment. Sometimes I'm boring but most of them will say they show up because they never know what I'm going to do next. It's all part of the "Dubs" experience! :)
Truth be told, though, I am concerned about this whole pandemic, not because of the illness but because of the dramatic change in routine. I am concerned for those who will lose sight of the end game during this hiatus from daily routines. I am concerned for those who are already stressing themselves out about tests in May because the majority of my kids are doubly tested in the same week with state testing and AP exams. This is hugely detrimental to my AP classes but they are not the only students who are in this boat. If we only get through the 1920s, then that's what we can do. The AP exam will be scaled accordingly. This is a huge plot-twist but it is also an amazing way to incorporate the fact that we are constantly living history in our daily lives. Someday they will be able to tell their children and grandchildren how they lived through a pandemic when they were juniors in high school: where they were, how they felt, what they experienced. That is the most valuable lesson in all of this, I think. As a teacher, I hate not being in the classroom with my kids. I hate breaking routine and I miss them terribly...even though it's basically been a normal weekend, it's the fact that I know this "weekend" is multiplied several times over and that is where I struggle. I'd argue some of them are struggling with it, too.
It's day 3 of 24 and I'm bored out of my mind but it's fine..it's fine...it's fine. Probably. I have everything I need and my own boys have everything they need but I do worry about whether all of my school kids have what they need. Several of them have sent scholarship essays to me so I can read and help to edit them and, I must say, it's been fun learning about what people would see if they were to do an internet search on them in 30 years.
So, in an attempt to maintain normalcy, I continue to send musings, articles, and fun facts. I suggest and accept recommendations for things to watch, read, and eat. I reveal far more of my nerdy side than I ever intended but it's all part of my charm. Or something. I swear it's endearing.
HOWEVER, I am seriously regretting saying "Bubble life is the best life" over and over last week. I was referring to the United States and its stance on isolationism...NOT THIS HOT MESS.
I'm bored. Help!
Aubs
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