We're not savages

I had an "Alexander" of a day, for a variety of reasons.  My afternoon included sobbing on the phone to my mother for close to an hour (I think...okay, I just checked and it was 31 minutes, but I bet it felt like hours to her...sorry, Mom!).  Aside from tearing up during a sappy movie or those damn Hallmark commercials, or COUNTLESS  "this is what matters" stories, I cannot even tell you when the last time I flat out sobbed like that.  It was ugly.  It was brutal.  I felt my eyes get smaller and smaller until they were little slits, and that's when the hiccups started.  Hot. Mess.  Emphasis on the "mess," with none of the "hot."

Without assignments keeping my brain busy, I have entirely too much time to think about things I've been avoiding for several weeks.  When I woke up this morning, I even thought to myself, "Self?  You should probably just not aim too high today.  I can tell it's going to be a day."  But what did I do?  I tried to prove myself wrong.  And that was stupid.  So, later on this evening, I was recapping it all (brief-ish-ly) to my sister via text, and started crying all over again.  N asked if I was crying over the Cowboys game, but they were winning (also brief-ish-ly), so I think he was just trying to diffuse the situation.  Bless his heart.

In search of the ultimate comfort food, and since the potato soup recipe I tried yesterday was a complete failure, I scrubbed some potatoes and threw them into the oven.  When they were done, I got a normal plate out of the cabinet and prepared my potato.  N grabbed a paper plate and did the same, then kept shifting uncomfortably as he balanced the plate on his lap while he watched the Cowboys.  I looked at him in disbelief and said, "Use a real plate.  We're not savages!"  He just stared, and since my eyes were still funky from my sobfest, he won the staredown.  This does not usually happen, folks...not with my boys, not when I sub...never.  By the time halftime rolled around, we were done with together time, at least for a while.  He opted for video games while I opted to unplug.

I have a stack of books I have started at various points in my semester when I needed an escape, so I picked up the first one I found tonight...and hit the tub.  Reading about killer whales in the wild vs. killer whales at SeaWorld while in the tub hit a LITTLE too close to home, so that was a short-lived relaxation technique that pretty much did nothing to relax me, so I opted for second best: rainbow fuzzy socks and pjs that creep my kids out.

  

What? You mean you DON'T want me to take you to school if I'm not willing to change my clothes or put on a jacket?  Oh.  That's sad.  (Evil laughs for days)  On a side note, I've had this particular night shirt for years, and there have NEVER been new boys.  I think it's defective.

Or I am.  

I've heard it both ways.

Aubs