Final-ly done with finals

As I sat in the hallway with the classmates that I only seen one other time (at orientation), waiting for my final to begin, an instructor came out in the hallway and asked us to please keep our voices down so her class could finish their finals.  As her students came out, they congregated by the door (that didn’t close all the way) to discuss the exam…loudly.  One person said, “Your teacher has already come out once and told us to be quiet and I’m not going to get in trouble because y’all are being loud.”  They stared at her as she continued, “We don’t want to get in trouble because we aren’t doing anything wrong and she’s going to get mad and we’re going to get blamed so y’all need to be quiet.”

I was not sitting near her, but I’m sure she heard me snort.  Did I miss something?  Did we regress back to the age of 4 without my noticing it? Because I’m pretty sure, as grown ass adults, we aren’t going to “get in trouble” with an instructor who wasn’t even supposed to be administering a test in that classroom at that time to begin with.  It probably would’ve made more sense for the instructor to come out and see it was HER class making all of the noise, but that’s not any of my business.  I am floored by immaturity sometimes.  It comes in all shapes and sizes, but today?  Today was just idiotic.

Meanwhile, I received my final grade for one class, and I’m pretty sure my professor padded that exam a little bit because there is no way I got an 89 on that exam on my own.  Even still, with an 89, I managed to maintain a 98 for the semester, so I guess that’ll do.  One down, one to go!  I should have all grades finalized by Tuesday, and I’m kind of nervous…mostly because I’d just rather know.  You know?

This semester has flown by, and I really found it to be much more manageable than I expected.  I’m not sure what that’ll mean for next semester, but I’m kind of excited about it.  I told N today, “One of my favorite parts of the semester is when I get my textbooks…and my other favorite part of the semester is when I get to send these stupid things back!” as I packed up my textbooks to mail them back to Amazon.  He said I had issues.  I’m pretty sure more than a few people would agree with him.  Hopefully someday, even if it’s not now, he’ll be proud of his mom…even if he does say I do this and get good grades just to set my expectations for him way too high.  Insert all the eye rolls here. 

And a few more, for good measure.  Roll, roll, roll.

I’m not sure what to do with my free time now, but suffice it to say, letting my mind wander is a terrible idea.  Ideas that have been suggested to me include, but are not limited to:

·         Knitting

·         Craft projects

·         Library books

·         DVR

·         Puzzles

·         Shopping

·         Movies

If you know me at all, you know a lot of these are laughable.  I’m not crafty, nor do I knit.  I have a short attention span for puzzles (which is why the border only of a Christmas puzzle remains untouched on my side table), and shopping is one of the biggest beat downs known to man.  I have been so immersed in the wonderful world of educational psychology and literacy that I couldn’t even tell you what movies are in theaters, or which ones I’ve wanted to see and missed.  I’ve made a serious dent in the DVR, thanks to my mad procrastination skills, and the new library is awesome.

And in that one paragraph, I just realized how much of a nerd I am.  Awesome.

After my final this morning, I met the baseball team Nana for coffee on my way home.  We see each other all the time at the ballfields, and we tag-team on making sure the boys and coaches have all.the.snacks, but we don’t really ever get a chance to sit down and talk.  It was nice to spend an hour just talking about things that were not baseball.

Yeah, I said it.  Every once in a while, I can NOT talk about baseball, even though it feels a little foreign.  ALTHOUGH…now that I opened the door on that one, can I just say how much I’ve LOVED watching Encarnacion and Bautista realize that they’ve decided their own self-worth is too high and all of the clubs who claimed to have interest in either have them have pretty much dropped out of the “race” to acquire them?  It makes me cackle.  I am SO glad Fowler ended up with St. Louis, even though it still makes me cringe a little to say that.  I can’t wait for Spring Training. 

Sports are so great.  Bowl games will be here before we know it, and then the SuperBowl, and all.the.hockey.games…and then (insert angels singing here) BASEBALL.  Needless to say, I’ll probably have to be committed if N ever decides he’s over it.  I can’t wait for B to pick a sport that he really loves. 

N had his first hitting lesson since the end of September today.  He got his cast off the week of Thanksgiving break, but weather and conflicts pushed his first lesson back until today.  I am super proud to report that he went 95/95, and at least 70 of those pitches were an improvement from before he got injured.  I think he was worried he would suck, so it was awesome to see him back in the cages and making contact every single time.  He got really tired, but that happens after you  spend over two months being a bump on a log.  His coach, probably one of the nicest people I’ve ever known, was really pleased with his progress…and also hyped up on peppermint hot chocolate.  I text him to see if he wanted one (his favorite, any time of the year) since he had been out there for hours, and he said he would love one.  When we got there, hot chocolate in hand, I noticed THREE other Starbucks cups in the cages.  Mine was the fourth of the day.  Y’all, no wonder he hugged me animatedly and told me how proud he was of me for finishing up my semester.  I’m still laughing.

Since I got home this afternoon, I did some (more) laundry, tried a new potato soup recipe (NOT a fan…blech!), and took over the living room to binge watch all of the episodes of Conviction that I swore I would watch as soon as I finished my semester.  N is hanging with his dad, so it’s just me.  And it’s times like these where I kind of wish it wasn’t just me, but that’s the way it is…at least for now. 

It’s been 7ish years since it wasn’t “just me,” but maybe that’s getting old.  Finally.  Maybe. 

Aubs

One down, one to go

At the risk of sounding like a total sloth, let me preface this next sentence by saying that I haven’t slept well in weeks because my brain NEVER shuts off.  I crawled back into my nest of purple flannel sheets after N left for school this morning (on his bike with hand warmers in his gloves and toe warmers stuck to his socks) and didn’t get up until after noon.  I guess I needed it.  At one point, the district I sub for (apparently) called me to see if I could go in for a teacher.  It’s an automated system, but when I attempted to silence it (in my sleep, mind you), I apparently opted to send a text message: “Can I call you later?”  It was sent successfully, in case you were wondering.  Speaking of this automated system, I got a call for a two day job next week, from 12-4 both days.  I took it, then immediately received a cancellation.  The only thing I can think of is that the schools get out by 1:00, so why would they need me to hang out for an additional 3 hours?  It’s not a big deal…I would love to do it, but I’m so looking forward to having some mental downtime after my last final tomorrow.

Did you like that?  How I said I’d have “mental downtime” when I finish my finals?  Yeah, I thought it was funny, too.  Seriously, though, I found out I had access to one of them tonight, so I decided I would take it.  I was pretty sure I was ready for it.  I was wrong.  It was one of the hardest tests I’ve taken, and I’ve taken an awful lot of them lately.  The questions were obscure and the possible answers were mostly not quite right.  There were some short answer questions, which are always my forte, but…I honestly don’t know how I did.  I mean, I had 339/339 points going into the final, so I feel like I’ll be okay, but who really knows at this point.

Besides doing a few loads of laundry, conversing with my neighbor about the holiday season break-ins (nothing says “Christmas spirit” like someone stealing your stuff…not my stuff, for the record, but there’s always a chance), and briefly speaking with my oldest child, I have been a hermit.  I even mobile ordered a Snickerdoodle Hot Chocolate from Starbucks so I didn’t have to talk to anyone.  It’s not like it worked, though, because I still managed to ask the barista approximately 8 questions in the 90 seconds I was in the store.  I know.  You’re shocked.

So, tomorrow, I get to drive to Denton to take a final.  And then I don’t have to drive to Denton again until early January because I get to take another class with this professor and she’s not local (from Little Rock, I believe), so she requires her students to come in for orientation and then return for the final.  I guess it wouldn’t be so rough if I lived in Denton, and really…it’s not that big of a deal to go to Denton, except…I-35.  I’d rather be on the road to Houston any day of the week.  At least there’s movement!

Speaking of Houston, I feel like going.  I’m not sure why, but I just feel like I should.  Or somewhere else.  Just not here.  I need an Aubs time out.

Not because I’ve been bad (although that’s always a possibility), but because I just need a break.  From everything.  Especially people.

So. Many. People.

Aubs

Firewood, not bread crumbs

I've been brunette for quite some time, although every once in a while I'll go blonde in the summer...or get highlights at the very least.  But tonight, y'all?  I had the biggest blonde moment I've had in a while, with the exception of yesterday when a friend and I were talking about Colin Firth being in a movie as a young adult, and then she said, "And, yep! There he was!" while looking out the glass door, so I turned around to see Colin Firth, who was (obviously) not there.

But I digress.

I made a pretty fantastic beef stew for dinner since temperatures are absolutely FRIGID around here.  We're talking wind chills in the 20s and TEENS, and nothing makes me happier because it's the perfect cuddle weather.  We won't talk about how I lack the cuddle aspect in life, but for all of you who DO have someone to cuddle, this one's for you.  Anyway, beef stew.  Right.  Focus.  I made this fantastic beef stew (without using wine because the boys can tell and think it's gross because they are not smart enough to know how great it is to use wine to cook and drink all at the same time) and decided to pop a few rolls from the freezer into the oven to sop up the sauce.  Stew sauce, not wine-sauce...just so we're clear.  Anyway, N and I ate our stew in front of the fireplace while I watched an episode of Code Black and he made comments every 13 seconds and I threatened him within an inch of his life.  And once I was done with both stew and episode, I went back to my room to continue this behemoth of a paper due tomorrow.  I looked down at the cuff of my shirt and saw a breadcrumb that obviously landed there while I was juggling two bowls and plates, so I absentmindedly popped it into my mouth.

IT WAS A SLIVER OF FIREWOOD.

I tried to spit it out, and it wouldn't come out of  my mouth.  So I spit a little more forcefully, and it came out and got stuck on my lip.  That's about when I started yelling movie words (at my lip and the wood/breadcrumb), and suddenly felt a jabbing pain on the tip of my tongue.  You guessed it...splinter.  I swear...only me.

You'll be pleased to know that I removed the splinter and the "woodcrumb," but instead of going back to my paper, I decided to blog about it because I have my priorities straight.  Besides, my blonde moments are way more interesting than this paper I have to write.  The construction of this paper is making me realize I am not even close to ready for this final.  Saturday should be fun!

Honestly, this paper has been a great distraction since I have been entirely too engrossed in my imagination these days.  In fact, it's pretty much a dream crusher, so anytime I feel the need for a harsh dose of reality, I just ask myself how my paper is coming along. 

It was so cold this morning that I opted to drive N to school.  When I got back home, I found that my flannel sheets were still warm, so I crawled back into bed to brainstorm about what topic I would tackle next in my paper, but instead I decided falling asleep and having a weird "normal, every day life," dream about what would (later) happen in real life was a better idea.  I dreamt about going to Starbucks and getting coffee that I ended up not drinking, then delivering a hot chocolate and stamps to a friend who is collecting them.  The parts my dream left out: driving to her house, only to find she wasn't home, texting her to find out she was a few miles down the road, then heading that direction while text-yelling, DON'T GO ANYWHERE.  I'M TRYYYYYYYING TO BRING YOU HOT CHOCOLATE!"  So, basically, I used my psychotic tendencies to the best of my ability (not the first time this week) to meet her in the parking lot, where she waited for me because she gets it, so I could give her hot chocolate and a hug because she needed one.  Because that's what friends (and baseball moms) are for.

Aubs

(**Edited to add: Approximately four hours later, I finished my paper.  Is it what she wants?  I have no idea.  Did I go into too much detail?  Probably.  Do I care?  Not really.)

Oh, yay...finals!

As I wrap up my first semester of grad school, I’m working on an essay about how students learn.  To be fair, I haven’t even looked at the prompt (it’s been up since the start of the semester) until this week, which may be kind of dumb since the deadline is on Friday, but I work best under pressure, so I’m okay with my decision.  I am not, however, okay with the various subtopics that are supposed to be included because some of them are just kind of silly.  Once again, I feel like these topics are best suited for someone who has never stepped foot in a classroom.  I jokingly tell my family (or people who know me well enough to know that I’m not being obnoxious) that I’m either insanely smart, or the people in my class are insanely dumb because this semester has taken minimal effort.  It has definitely taken time, but the amount of effort has been significantly smaller than the amount of time.

 

This has allowed my brain to wander into various black holes that require time and effort, both to dig myself deeper, and also to dig myself out when I realize I’ve rerouted my priorities once again.  I was texting with a sweet friend yesterday, telling her about how a mutual friend was supposed to be a guest speaker in one of N’s classes.  We were discussing the topic (emotional intelligence) and it went a little something like this:

Her: I’m intelligent and I’m emotional!

Me: Any woman could rock that speaking engagement like nobody’s business.  It wound up getting cancelled, but I would’ve loved to listen in on that one!

Her: How about Mom, juggling 2 kids, graduating with honors, working on masters, subbing for middle and high school, baking brownies for baseball players, overachiever, amazing person.  So much more impressive and interesting.

Me: Who would be crazy enough to do all that?!  And thank you…you’re giving me entirely too much credit.

Her: I hope that big fat diploma is hanging in a gold frame when you walk in that door with a huge sign…LOOK WHAT I DID!!!!

Me: Oooooor it’s still in the envelope.

Her: NOT OK!!!! You’re a BIG DEAL

Now, it’s obvious why I adore her, right?  Who needs to boost their own ego when others are so sweet to do it for you?  BUT, I don’t really see it as a big deal.  Is it an accomplishment?  Absolutely.  I switched majors more times than I can count and still managed to graduate magna cum laude with an automatic acceptance into the grad program I chose, but I’m pretty sure that most people had the same experience.  And yes, I DID do it as a single parent, but I had serious financial help from my dad, and a couple of seriously amazing professors that I am blessed to call friends now that they are no longer my professors.  It just makes me wonder how different things would be if I had made up my mind as a much younger college student instead of one who decided to change directions as a single 30-something parent with two stubborn mules for children.

I know, I know…everything happens for a reason, and there is definitely a reason I waited as long as I did.  And even if I could do it differently, I’m not sure I would because all of the choices got me to where I am now, and I’m pretty much loving life.  Is it perfect?  Far from it…but it’s mine, flaws and all.  So tonight, while I worked on my essay, N’s dad came over to work on math because I take a hard pass on all things math.  As I listened to them attempt to work, then decide to take a step back, then attempt to work over the phone, I said silent prayers of thanks that math was not my “jam,” and also that my kid would rather fail than ask me for help on anything other than English, History, or Science.  Bless you, my child, for you take a whole lot of stress off of me by ignoring the fact that I exist 60% of the time.  

Things have been fairly quiet on the B-front these days.  He’s at his dad’s house this week since it’s my finals week and each class requires so much time.  But not effort.  Just so we’re clear.  It actually worked out really well for each household to flip flop weeks, so while that means almost two solid weeks without him at home, it means we’ll go into the holiday break together, which is always fun.  Speaking of holidays, it’s my second Christmas in a row without the boys.  Last year, I opted out of my Christmas Day because I had been fortunate enough to have the last three or four due to illness, scheduling conflicts, pre-existing plans, etc.  I spent a quiet morning at home, then went to celebrate and eat Mexican food with one of my friends before going over to an aunt and uncle’s to do the family thing.  I’m not sure what the day will hold this year, but I’m kind of looking forward to the peace and quiet.  I say that now…but I’ll be bored within 2 hours of being by myself.  It’s scientifically proven.

It will be nice to get through my finals this week and N’s exams next week so we can turn off all.the.alarms for a blissful 18 days.  I thought about going to Houston for Christmas, but I just saw my Seester and brother-in-law and dad for Thanksgiving, so that may be too much too soon.  We had a lot of family time from Tuesday-Saturday, let me tell you!  It was all good…but since we don’t often spend that much time together, I think everyone was ready for a little hula hoop (personal space) action after that.

You know what I haven’t even thought about yet?  Christmas.  Not even one little bit.  That should be fun and not at all stressful.

But I’ll worry about that tomorrow…or any time after Saturday.

Aubs

My brain...it's just everywhere

For some reason, I have spent a lot of time thinking about people I haven’t thought about in years…decades, even.  Maybe it’s the time of year, or maybe it’s just because I’m avoiding finals, but people who were HUGE in my life decades ago have been popping into my head for months.  It was one thing when they were just popping into my head randomly, but over the last several weeks, my boys and I have had at least a dozen conversations that have resulted in me verbalizing memories including these people, which has made each of them ask (on separate occasions), “Why don’t you hang out with them anymore?  They sound nice.”  

How do I answer that?  

1.       They WERE nice!

2.       We grew apart, like people do.

3.       I was probably at fault.

4.       I. DON’T. KNOW.

The truth of the matter is, don’t we all do stupid things and act like idiots when we’re teenagers?  Or in our 20s?  Or in our 30s?  Or…always?

Maybe I’m reeling with nostalgia because my oldest kid is walking the “hallowed” halls of the same high school where I met some of the people who would have a lasting impact on my life.  I mean…who knew that would happen?!  Maybe it’s because I’ve spent some time trying to figure out what is truly important and what matters most.  Maybe it’s because I’ve seen (and felt) how horrible it feels to be treated like crap, and realized that it is exactly what I did to those I cared about when I was an idiotic (and selfish) teenager/young adult/not-so-young adult.  But maybe, just maybe, it’s because I have realized that sometimes you create a friendship that has staying power…even if you don’t speak to each other often (or ever…like for decades…PLURAL), and those are always worth it.  I hope.

I’ve been thinking about those I consider close friends lately.  Sometimes I check out of interaction and check in to my own personal bubble.  Sometimes I forget to come up for air because it’s much easier and less people-y in my bubble, but that doesn’t make it right, and that’s when these people come into the equation.  They do breathing checks, send me ridiculous pictures or text messages that make me realize that I’m so absorbed in my own self-inflicted mess that I’m missing out on the good stuff.  It’s something I’m aware of now, and something I hope to do less of now that I know.

As I was avoiding the remnants of my homework earlier, I came across something that really resonated with me.  “I am a very strong believer that whoever is meant to be in your life will always gravitate back towards you, regardless of how far they wander.”  And, y’all, I choose to believe that is true.  I’m not sure if time heals all wounds or not, but I certainly hope so.

Besides…Facebook told me I’m going to be married and in love in 2017, so it HAS to be true.  I’m not really sure how that works because there isn’t even the hint of a blip on my radar, but you know Facebook.  It also says I will reconnect and rekindle an old friendship and might even get romantically attached.  I’m not sure how it knows this, but one thing is clear: It knows best.  

Please insert all the eyerolls here.

Let’s talk sleep deprivation, shall we?  At this exact moment, it is 1:51 AM, CST, and I am wide awake for no apparent reason.  This also happened a few times last week, at the most inopportune times.  Wednesday night, I needed to go to sleep early, so that’s obviously when I ended up googling all the people I previously mentioned because all of a sudden I JUST HAD TO KNOW.  What ever happened to my date for my Senior Prom?  How about that boyfriend I had during that time who was NOT my date for prom?  What about that girl who moved away after one year?  I wonder what my favorite co-worker during high school is doing now…what was her last name again?  Trying to force yourself to sleep when those questions start bouncing around is seriously difficult.  In fact, I couldn’t do it.  So, on the night before the biggest test of my semester (the test I needed to continue with grad school), I slept for approximately 47 minutes.  It was not my finest hour(s).  See, when I get tired, I get ridiculous.  Deciding that I need more information on these people who mattered greatly to me 15+ years ago, I wrote notes.  In cursive.  On cards.  And if I had address information for them, I took those envelopes out to the mailbox and dropped them in before I could give myself time to reconsider.

In hindsight, it could’ve been a kneejerk reaction.  Maybe.
(I genuinely hope these people remember that I was always a little kneejerk-ish, and totally NOT a creeper.)

It’s endearing, right?!  I mean…who wouldn’t love a handwritten note with a mini trip down memory lane?  The main problem I foresee with this situation is that my memory remembers a lot, especially small details, while most others will probably gloss over all of the memories that bring a smile to my face.

OOOOORRRRRRR, maybe my kids are right, and I need a social life.  I promised them I would consider being less lame after my finals.  I think they know I’m lying, but they’re pretending right along with me.  It’s like a Christmas miracle.  

But, I digress.  So, after my 47 minutes of sleep on Wednesday night, I went to take my test.  I didn’t take a break because I felt like it would be detrimental to my testing process, so I did all of the sections without stopping.  Only 2/3 of the score were available immediately.  I wasn’t surprised to see that I had cleared the required reading score by 30+ points, but almost cried when I saw I’d cleared the math score by 6 points.  I’ve never been a math person, but to do well enough to not have my grad school status in jeopardy on less than an hour’s worth of sleep?  I was so excited!  The other section is writing, which doesn’t ever seem to be a problem for me, but I have to wait a couple of weeks for scores, so now I get to be patient…which we all know is my strongest virtue.  

 I rushed straight home to toss and turn in my bed for a solid 90 minutes until I finally fell asleep.  Two hours later, I woke up, groggy, and then proceeded to stay up until 2:00 am because my brain decided to revisit all of the people from the night before and do a little, “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, SENDING NOTES TO PEOPLE YOU HAVEN’T TALKED TO IN ALMOST 20 YEARS?!  HOW WAS THIS EVER A GOOD IDEA? But…what about this person?  I think you forgot about him…”

At least I’m consistent?  Friday, I spent the day with some of my favorite 7^th/8^th grade students.  We had a truly excellent day, and I’m always grateful to spend time with them.  It’s a huge ego boost when students see me in the hall and ask (quite hopefully) if I’m a sub for one of their classes.  The excitement when I confirm I am is awesome, but the sad faces when I announce a name who is not one of their teachers breaks my heart, too.  

After school, I listened as several of my favorite teachers were recognized for all they do as nominees for Teacher of the Year, and got teary-eyed when my favorite Science teacher was given the honor.  Her family surprised her with anecdotes, both in person, and from afar, and as I listened, I was just so proud of all of the teachers who were nominated, and extremely grateful that the majority of them have taught one of my boys.  It is my hope that they will also have the opportunity to teach my B when he gets to middle school next year.

Throw in an 80s party on Saturday night and a day of homework today, and you’ve got yourself a pretty well-rounded few days.  N asked me to pick him up from a friend’s house on Saturday night, and I said, “I will come pick you up, but first you need to see what I look like because I don’t want you to be surprised.”  After I sent him the picture he responded with, “Why are you such an embarrassment?”

Suffice it to say, a milestone was achieved this weekend. 

I can’t wait to see what happens next!

Aubs