Friday the 13th

Each time I think of "Friday the 13th," I hear little lightning crashes dancing around inside my head, very ominous-like.  You know...my head is a funny little thing sometimes.

Anyhow, the day was busy from start to finish.  I had a few deadlines for an American Literature class I'm taking this semester, and I knew it would be a late night for me, so I spent the first few hours of my day working on creating a quiz about early American Literature and then writing a thought provoking response to a short story by Mark Twain.  It was all fascinating.

Since I knew I was going to be dateless for the festivities this evening, I realized I needed a smaller purse of some sort.  So, like any "normal" girl would, I made a list of places I should check and set off on an adventure.  My adventure was not super successful, until I realized that there was a Charming Charlie near my apartment now, and they always have clutches in a rainbow of colors and sizes.  I was reeling from my successful trip to Sam's where I purchased bottled water and discovered that they had one of my favorite wines back in stock.  When I got to Charming Charlie's, I wondered around for a while, feeling overwhelmed.  Accessories are not my thing.  I'm good if I put on my watch, stud earrings, and the ring that belonged to my grandmother, and half the time, I leave the ring in my drawer based on day-to-day activities.  I'd hate to see anything happen to it, and I hope to pass it down someday.

Anyway, I found a silver clutch, unlike anything I'd ever use, but the price was right ($10) so off I went...and here's where it gets exciting.  (There should be a heavy dose of sarcasm radiating from that sentence.)  No, I am excited, actually.  I've been wanting to try out this hair place for FOREVER, based on recommendations from a good friend of mine.  They only do blowouts and styles...it's called the "drybar," and I went to the Plano location at the Shops at Legacy.  Y'all, it was super.  Brittany washed and dried my hair in no time at all, and then spent some time working on curls.  My problem is that my hair will hold curl without a problem...in dry, non-humid conditions.  Sweat-inducing conditions?  Forget it.  And it looked really great...until it didn't.  And it stopped looking great way before the wedding, but I didn't even care.  It was $35 well spent, and I'm totally looking forward to going again and trying a "sleek & straight" blowout.  You know, next time I have something special to look forward to.

I rushed home and geared up for the wedding, dropping N at baseball practice in 5" heels and a cocktail dress, and then spent 97 minutes in traffic, trying to cut across the city to make it to the event on time.  I made it with about 15 minutes to spare.  I hung out with my dad and brother-in-law and some of the guys, then snuck upstairs to find my Seester and the ladies in the bridal party.  The ceremony was just right for the bride and groom: full of laughter and smiles and happiness.  As the staff readied the room for the reception, my phone rang.  "Mom, I forgot to pack underwear or socks.  Help!"

And that was how I found myself leaving the reception and getting in my car just as I overheard the DJ announce the entrance of the newlyweds.  And by the time I got close to my apartment, I received another phone call: "Hey, Mom, it's cool. Dad bought me some boxers and socks for at his house.  Have fun at your party or whatever."

And that, my friends, is how I spent the evening watching the Red Sox game, before switching to The Hunger Games, and calling it a night.

Do I know how to party, or what?

Aubs

(My hair, as it was already starting to fall...oh well)

All is NOT fair in love and war

Several months ago, during Spring baseball, I was kind of pushed into the role of team mom/organizer.  Okay, I wasn't pushed, but I was a lot more organized than N's coach, so I took on the role so MY life would be less chaotic.  You know, it's all about me...  Anyway, in taking on that role, I got to know a lot of the parents in the league, especially those who had children on the team.  One of them became a great friend to me; we have a lot of similar personality traits (I mostly think this is a good thing), similar interests, and we became fast friends.

As a younger than average parent in our city, there are a lot of times where I feel like I'm not a good fit because of my age, so the fact that this parent was only a year older than I am was another fantastic similarity.  He and I talked often, and our kids became close, and it was great for my boys to have friends that I actually liked having around.  You know how that goes...when your kids absolutely LOVE people who drive you insane to the point where you don't want them around?  These kids were the polar opposite.  Life was great.

A couple of months after we met, our friendship evolved into something a little more complex.  I can't say for sure when we started feeling things outside of the normal friendship range, but it was fairly simultaneous.  I've been a single parent for a long time, and he was just starting his journey as a single parent, so who better to help him than someone who knows the ropes?  It was an entirely new experience for me...to have someone around who actually wanted to be there, who wanted to be there even when I pushed him away.  And I did push him away.  A lot.  This whole idea of trying a relationship after being single for several years absolutely terrified me.

But, I tried.  And after a lot of coaxing and gentle reminders, I realized that it was a great thing, and how blessed I was to have met this man who just randomly showed up in my life one Monday after Spring Break.  We spent the first half of the summer together, when he wasn't on vacation with his kids/parents, and life was better than I ever could have imagined.

And then, it wasn't.

I don't know what happened.  That's a lie.  I absolutely do.  I'm a control freak (one of many things I dislike about myself), and he and I had very different ideas on how to handle certain situations.  I felt like my way was the only "right" way because I wasn't even trying to see it from his point of view.  He pushed away, I pushed away, and we were both pissed...eventually we talked about it, but I don't think it ever fully went away.  I know it didn't.

The second half of the summer was more forced than the relaxed nature of the previous several months, and that was hard to take, I think...for both of us.  My boys (well, B) never stopped asking if his boys could come over, if he could come over for game nights, but the frequency became less and less.  His work schedule picked back up and quadrupled because he had (unbeknownst to me) slacked off on his workload in order to spend time with me over the summer (plus two lengthy vacations with his boys), resulting in a September where he's traveling all but approximately 11 days.  I hate that for him.  I hate that for his boys.  And, yes...I'm selfish enough to hate that for me, too.

I have tried my hardest to keep things going, but I'm afraid I have to admit defeat here...and that breaks my heart.  It really does, more than one could possibly imagine.

(Entering melodrama....NOW)

I've cared about people before.  I've claimed to be "in love" before.  It doesn't compare to not only what I feel for this man, but also what I felt in return.  It was real.  It was exciting.  It was comfortable, but passionate all at the same time.  We moved way too quickly in the beginning, planning way too far into the future and getting ahead of ourselves.  One of us slowed down, but the other kept on trucking.  Then, we both slowed down, but we were on different timetables still...one slower than the other.  We both picked back up, but again, on different levels.  And somewhere in there, the roles became reversed...and the slower one became the one who was ready to push it forward.

I don't even know how that happened.  So, here I sit, on the eve of a dear friend's wedding, and my date for the evening is a thousand miles away (both figuratively and literally).  I am sad, but I am still foolishly hopeful that it will all pan out and we will work through the issues we have to where we can be an "us" again.  I know breaks are good sometimes, and sometimes they make each person realize what really matters in the grand scheme of things, but they can also be bad.  So, so bad.

This is a huge deal to me because I swore I'd never date again.  Why?  Because I didn't want to ever feel like this again.  I'm happy(ish) by myself.  I can live...by myself.  I've done it for years.  The bad part is that I was blessed to be able to share the last several months of my life with a man who has been more caring and kind and loving to me than any man I've ever even contemplated a relationship with, and I'm saddened by the fact that it's come to this.  (I'm also not done talking about it, I'm sure...but this is more than enough for one night.  Tune in soon for a breakdown of what I did wrong vs. what he did wrong.  It's a short list.)

Is it totally over?  I have no idea.  It feels like it...but everyone's definition of a "break" is different. Maybe getting through the next six weeks will make us stronger and put another notch in our "tough stuff we've made it through" belt, or maybe the whole "out of sight, out of mind" saying is true...and we'll just move forward, yet apart, without real closure to the situation.  Either way, it doesn't bode well for my already damaged heart/mind that I thought was fixed, but apparently, it was only temporary.  But the great thing about me (What?  There's just one?!) is that I'm really good at building bridges.  I just don't want to burn this one.

Aubs

P.S. Know what sucks more than being in your early 30s and attending a wedding of a super-close friend (as in you've called her your sister for as long as you've known her) by yourself when you previously RSVP'd for two since your boyfriend was planning to be your date?  Well, I'm sure there are tons of things...but I'm being shallow and melancholy, so I'll just say attending a wedding as a single woman, without a date, totally sucks.  A lot.

Yeah, I totally dropped the ball...

Y'all, I'm super sorry.  I was doing so well...I was 108 days away from having a perfect year of posts.
What happened, you ask?

This summer happened.  It was one of the most boring and uneventful summers ever.  There was literally nothing of major interest to report.  Oh, I had some adventures in life and love and parenting, but aside from a couple of trips to Houston, my boys didn't really do much this summer.

Here's a brief recap:

In June, I went to Pennsylvania for a few days.  I tagged along on a business trip with a guy I think is pretty fantastic.  I was apprehensive, I'll admit...because I don't allow myself to "feel" feelings for anyone, but by the end of the trip, I was feeling, not because I felt like I had to or needed to, but because I genuinely wanted to.  And that, my friends, is a fantastic feeling.  We flew into Baltimore, then took a trip to Gettysburg.  He had a couple of meetings, so I did some reading/relaxing while he was working.  We stayed in Johnstown for another meeting (site of the devastating Johnstown flood of 1889), and also went to the United 93 Memorial, which is part of the reason why I decided to post today (but I'll get to that in a minute).  We ended our trip with a stay in Hershey, complete with a visit to the Hershey Museum, which was a total blast...even for someone who isn't a huge chocolate fan.  It was relaxing and fun and just what I needed since I was kind of on the fence with this whole potential relationship thing (again, I'll get to that in a minute or maybe a day or two).

This summer, B alternated two week blocks between my house and his dad's house, and when he was at his dad's house, he went to a "day camp" where they did a lot of gymnastic-ish activities.  Halfway through the summer, B opted out of swimming everyday and started spending 8 hours a day in the gym.  He's all about gymnastics now, and loving every minute.  I'm loving that he has an outlet for his energy, because let's face it: as cute as he looked in that baseball uniform, there was entirely too much down time for him on the field and in the dugout.  The kid has to be on the move constantly.

N stayed with me pretty much all summer, except for a few days here and there when he went to his dad's or spent time with his grandmother.  He wasn't too thrilled about it, and even asked me if he could lie about his summer to his friends.  I feel for the kid, I really do, but I can think of a bunch of summers where I didn't do much of anything.  He and I spent 10 days in Houston towards the middle/end of July, hanging out with my dad.  We went to a Sugarland Skeeters game with my dad, Stella, and my sister/brother-in-law, and had a great time.  By the end of the game, N and David (my brother-in-law) were entertaining our section (and possibly several others) with all of the Beastie Boys songs they both knew.  It was impressive.  And loud.

We did Kaboomtown for July 3 (per usual) and had a great time.  The boys and I went to see Despicable Me 2 with "Ahem," and then headed to stake out our spot.  I sent them off to do something inside and hung out in the heat with my mom, reading a book, and glaring at people who tried to infringe on our territory.  My cousins came to join the party, and when the boys were back, it was a lot of fun.  The airshow is one of the best aspects of Kaboomtown, and "Ahem" is adorably obsessed with planes, fitting since he works in the industry.  They were literally flying directly overhead, and it was fun to watch all of the guys in our group just staring, transfixed, at the sky above.

I also turned 32 this summer.  I know.  It was awesome.  Actually, my birthday was less than great, but at some point, I have to grow up and realize that it's just another day.  I'm figuring that'll happen when I'm 80.  Maybe.  Although the day was mostly a bust, "Ahem" and I went out for dinner and a movie, and he showed up with Gerber Daisies, which are my absolute favorite.  Major points, for sure.  The next morning, he and I went to Six Flags right when they opened, and rode all of the rides we wanted to ride that our kids weren't tall enough to ride.  It was super fun!  We ended the day with the Texas Giant...and then, three days later, that poor woman fell to her death while riding it.  Such a sad story.

I found an extremely part-time job, where I only work two days a week while my boys are in school.  My work schedule follows the school district calendar, so I'm off when they're off, and it's just been a huge blessing to have that something extra in my life.  I'm taking a full course-load: 14 hours, in hopes that I'll be finished with a Science degree this spring/first summer semester.  I'm also room mom (again) for 2A, which will be interesting doing it for the entire year (instead of just a few months), and team mom for N's baseball team: the Ironbirds.  It will be a busy semester, and I'm glad for that...because I need the distraction.  I thrive on chaos, apparently.

Now...for the United 93 Memorial.  It was, by far, the most sobering place I've ever been.  I've been to Arlington National Cemetery, and been moved to tears by the sheer number of graves in one place, but this?  This was a random field in the middle of rural Pennsylvania.  The crew and passengers of that plane are some pretty serious heroes in my book.  They were able to find out from various loved ones what had already happened in New York and at the Pentagon and, after taking a vote, decided they wouldn't let another innocent life be taken, even if it meant losing their own.  That is the definition of a hero.  They overpowered the terrorists and died in a way I can't possibly imagine.  Pulling into the entrance of this monument to their bravery, it just feels different.  Walking down the sidewalk, lined with a black granite wall, the only thing separating visitors from the field where those 40 individuals rest, my eyes filled with tears...and stayed that way for the duration of my visit.  The wall had cutouts evenly spaced throughout the length of the wall, where people left small tokens or notes, thanking those who lost their lives and offering words of hope and encouragement to their families.  At the end of the wall, there was a white marble wall, with each name engraved upon it.  To the left, a large (locked) wooden gate.  If opened, one could walk directly to the boulder surrounded by American flags, the marker to show the point of impact.

Even now, almost three months after my visit, I get choked up thinking about it.  This morning, my boys and I sat on the couch, discussing the importance of this day.  We've talked about it the last couple of years, but I don't think either of them fully understood what 9/11 meant.  As a middle schooler, N is becoming increasingly more aware, and I have his Social Studies teacher to thank for that.  I explained to them that there would be a moment of silence and their principals would read a statement before that moment of silence.  I told them it was to remember the heroes that lost their lives in New York, Pennsylvania, and at the Pentagon, and we sat and looked at the information I brought home from the United 93 Memorial.  We talked about bravery and honor and how Americans (and the entire world, for that matter) will never forget what happened on 9/11/2001...and then B said, "Wow, mom...that was before N was even born."

And I was overcome with sadness.  My boys will never know the world I grew up in.  They will never experience the carefree childhood I experienced because the world has become increasingly more evil.  And I vowed then and there that I would start living life in the moment instead of focusing on the other stuff...the stuff that doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things.  I know I will fail at times, but the times that I'm successful?  I hope those are the times my boys will remember.

Life is far too short to waste time worrying/wondering what could happen.  It's a wonderful thing to dream and think about possibilities, but only focusing on that?  Well, it's not reality.  And sometimes, I just really wish it could be.

Aubs

Having four boys is becoming "normal" around here

Today, N & B begged to have J & E come over again, so they came over for a few hours in the afternoon.

It went a little something like this:

X-box.

Ipads/Ipods

Snacks

Random songs/mash-ups

Repeat.

Two hours flew by, and before I knew it, I was telling all of them to load into the car so we could go swim at J & E's house.

E had a rough time, and kept getting accidentally injured, so he went inside not long after we started hanging out.  That was a bummer...but the other boys put on quite the entertaining show.  The boys swam for a couple of hours, with J & E's dad throwing splash bombs to them as they jumped off the diving board.  The catches were awesome.  The misses, however, were absolutely hysterical. 

So was watching B "dive."  So much laughter...and as the only one not in the pool, I was the retriever of all items that flew outside of the pool area.

I'm pretty sure they did it on purpose.  I just can't prove it...

All too soon, it was time to go again, and the boys were all complaining about they don't EVER get to spend enough time together...

You know, because 4 hours a day or more is obviously NEVER enough.

When they get sick of each other and don't want to hang out anymore, I have no idea what I'll do to keep my boys entertained.

Aubs

Impromptu pool party

Today, I opted to take my boys to the pool for the afternoon, because seriously?  It was absolutely necessary.  I had invited their pals, J & E, but hadn't heard back from their dad, so when my friend Emily volunteered to bring herself and her girls, K & C, over to join us, I said, "Sure!"

Emily and I have been friends since we were in high school.  She actually adopted me as her little sister at one point, and we've been friends ever since.  We take college classes together sometimes, or, at the very least, help each other if one of us has already taken the class the other has signed up for.  It works for us.  Anyway, her girls are younger than my boys, but they've played together very successfully on many a Bonkers playdate, and we've done the whole trick-or-treating thing together, too.

They came over and got in the water, and then I heard from Jeff, who told me they were on their way over, too...hence the impromptu pool party.  We hung out and got wet, dried off, ate snacks, and got wet again.  At one point, J & E accompanied me back to my apartment for more snacks because we ran out of options! 

After a few hours, the guys went home, and Emily and her girls came home with my boys & me to hang out for a little bit.  The kids played video games and cars while Emily and I discussed her history class she's taking this summer...and life in general.  We're very deep, you know.  They left a little later, and my phone beeped.

The boys had invited J & E to spend the night, but their dad was on the fence about it.  He brought them back over to see how they behaved, and planned to make his decision based on the way they played together.  There was a lot of yelling and laughter over the next few hours, but no real issues...until there was.  E had an issue that involved a lot of screaming and yelling.  His dad decided to take him home, but leave J here, which caused an even bigger issue...

And then their mom called to say she wanted both of them to come home.  I opted to be the bearer of bad news...and it didn't go well.  Four little boys had sad faces, and E ran off to pout.  I ran after him, and told him that wasn't allowed in my house.  We.  Don't.  Pitch.  Fits.  I told him to come out so we could talk about other options, and we'd go from there.  So, he did, much to the amazement of his dad, until I told them they couldn't sleep over, but we would reschedule for another night.  And off he went again.  So, I followed him, reminded him we don't pitch fits, and told him if he was going to continue, that I wouldn't let him come over anymore.

He looked at me for a few minutes, then got up and walked out of the room.

Because that's how I do things.

Raaaaaaaaarrr! (Dinosaur impersonation)

Aubs

The Thunder Rolls

It never fails...each time I leave Houston, it rains the day of my departure.

It's like a parting gift I give to my dad and any other Houstonians that I know.

You're welcome, Houston!  I do what I can...

We hit the Sienna Plantations Sonic for happy hour before we headed to Chick Fil-A (it seems to be a trend with us lately), right as the sprinkles started hitting the windshield. 

The drive home was (mostly) uneventful...a few arguments broke out in the backseat, but other than that, we had a pretty quiet trip.  When we got home, we all unpacked our stuff (I've gotten smart and started washing the majority of our clothes before we leave my dad's house.), and just spent the rest of the night relaxing.

What else can you really say about a 4.5 hour car ride with very little in the way of scenery?

I've never been more ready to climb in my own bed in my life.

Aubs

Sky Zone & Headphones

After a good Benadryl-induced sleep, B deemed himself (mostly) healed, and felt like he could do some kind of activity today.

After we all got up and dressed, we headed out to run errands...namely, we were headed to Best Buy to look at headphones for N since the pair B got him for Christmas stopped working.

Before Best Buy, however, my dad and I decided to take the boys to Sky Zone for a little surprise.  A friend from work had given my dad a couple of free passes last year, and we didn't have time to use them at Thanksgiving time (the last time both boys were in Houston together), so I left them in my nightstand drawer for the next time we were all here. 

My dad looked up the hours, and we took off.  We pass this indoor trampoline park when we come into town, and it's become a landmark to show that we're getting close to Pampaw's house, but they've never really paid a lot of attention to what it actually is.  So, we parked and went inside and B got super excited.  He goes to something similar with his dad sometimes, so he was ready to go!  N was a little less excited...

Until he saw they had one section solely dedicated to dodgeball.  He wasn't ready for the first round and was the first one out.  He was pissed...and obviously, it was because he didn't have long hair anymore.  (Insert huge eye roll here.)

I told him that if he was going to pout, I was going to call a whambulance and he could just sit, so he glared at me, and went back to the dodgeball arena, and didn't leave again.  They both spent the majority of the time in there, and they had a blast.  You can wear their shoes or go barefoot.

Y'all.  I saw a lot of people who should've opted for shoes.  I want to throw up just thinking about it.

Trust me.  Gag.

After we finished at Sky Zone, we headed to Best Buy where we deliberated over speakers for the better part of an hour before each kid picked a pair that they liked, and we made our way to the checkout.

When we got back to my dad's, we got started preparing for dinner...my sister and brother-in-law and our friend, Stella, were headed over for steaks, potato salad, beans, and salad.

Yum.

I've been waiting for this all day.  The food was fantastic, the company even better...until B suggested playing Uno.

Y'all.  Just don't ever play Uno with my kids.  One of them is a quitter when he gets too many cards (N) and the other one has the worst habit of making one round last an hour.

Seriously.  An hour.  I started the round, played until N went nutso, then tagged my sister in, and went to deal with him.  She played for a while, then got tired of it, so she tagged her husband in, and B beat him within three minutes. 

Fantastic.  Uno is not my favorite.

Ever.

Aubs