I am the mom of a teenager. This is new, uncharted territory for me. Not only is he my biggest little (who's coincidentally BIGGER than me), but he's a boy. Whoa! Breaking news.
I'm a girl. (Thanks, Captain Obvious) I was around a couple of male cousins growing up, but we only saw each other primarily during the summers and they were never that weird or obnoxious. I have no idea how they behaved during the school year, but I remember being 13. God bless my parents.
Anyway, this whole teenage boy thing is a totally different ballgame. He's pushing limits and testing boundaries (they both are), and I finally upped my game. You may agree with me or you may vehemently disagree with me...I don't care. Every parent does what they can to stay afloat, and this was my way to hit 'em where it hurts AND show I mean business.
The claim both of my boys make is that there's nothing to do at my house. Never mind that each of them have a laptop and their own tablets (in addition to a school-issued iPad), there's a 360, a SNES, a Gamecube, a closet full of board games, shelf after shelf of movies, and a 4 drawer bin of legos. Clearly, there's nothing to do. Also, you now know what to take if you ever break into my house.
Please don't break into my house.
Anyway, when behavior takes a turn, I typically remove Xbox privileges on the weekend. They never get to play during the week (we're too busy and I say no), so the weekends are kind of sacred to them. Even then, I limit their time to ridiculous amounts like hour long increments so one isn't stuck watching the other kill zombies (or something) for extended periods of time. So, on Monday, when both of the boys were being crank pots, I removed the privilege of electronics from their weekly list of activities. No laptops (unless school-related homework was necessary). No tablets. No playlists of phones or iPods. No gaming systems. NOTHING. The only thing they COULD do was watch television...and that was only if we were doing so as a family and we all agreed on a movie. Basically, I ended their lives by 4:47 on Monday afternoon.
But, wait! There's more! Last week, I received a notification that N would be serving a detention on Tuesday for not staying focused in class/being disrespectful and rude. He swore it wasn't him (shocker) and that the whole class was laughing at one kid who made a funny noise and HE was the one who got in trouble. Oh, the horror! Life is so unfair! We talked about it, and he accepted his punishment, and we went on with our lives. Until Tuesday afternoon...when I received an email from a SECOND teacher about behavior and leaving class early, which warranted a SECOND detention. IN ONE WEEK! So, that's about when this Mama lost it.
The first thing that came to mind was "He'll have to sit out at his baseball tournament this weekend." Why not kick him from the team? Well, he worked hard for this, and I don't want to take away the only thing that keeps us all sane because his focus is on baseball and not being moody and dumb. I approached his coach with this suggestion and he shut it down. If I sit him, he's going to be off the team because reliability and cohesiveness...both of which I totally understand, but at the same time, I don't want to let him just get away with being a bad example.
SO.
I don't know how it came about, but I decided I was going to treat him like a professional athlete and fine him for his offensive behavior. Each offense had a particular fine attached to it. I decided it would be only school-related offenses because offenses at home can be remedied with chores or removal of privileges. I called his dad and ran it by him. He agreed, but had one suggestion: Put the money I collect into a fund to help pay for things he needs for baseball. Good call...not that I was planning to pocket it, but that makes sense.
Now. Before you go all "WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU THINKING? HE'S JUST A KID!" on me:
1. He has money. He's been saving money (for an Xbox ONE or a PS4) from working with his dad.
2. In the last 11 weeks, I've gotten more emails about grades/attitude than in the past 8 years combined.
3. I knew this would be over-the-top enough to make an impact.
4. There are two things he cares about in life: Video games and baseball. One was already taken away.
So, when he got home, I put my plan into action. Oh, but before that happened, I got ANOTHER email from ANOTHER teacher about how he hadn't turned any of his work in through the online forum, which is new, so he had a whole bunch of goose eggs until he got them submitted. Super.
Okay, so THEN he came home. I asked him what happened at school, and he couldn't recall anything interesting or important. I told him he had another detention and explained if was because he chose to leave class early, along with two other students. I was calm and quiet, and it freaked him out. He immediately said he didn't do it...and then I laid it on him.
Me: N, this is how this is going to go. You have two choices: You can pay a fine and we will consider the matter dropped unless you accrue more detentions, OR you can not pay the fine and resign from the baseball team.
N: Mom, that's not fair! What's the fine?
Me: $100.
N: You're INSANE!
Me: No, I'm not. You've received TWO detentions in less than a week, both for disrespectful and disobedient actions, and I'm done.
N: I can see like $10, but $100 is stupid.
Me: Your dad and I discussed it, and we agreed.
N: There's no WAY my dad agreed to that. He's reasonable.
Me: Well, you can pay it...or you can quit. You have until your hitting lesson on Thursday to decide. Also, you're grounded from practice tonight, so when you go to your hitting lesson, you will also have to explain to your coach why you weren't there tonight...and you WILL tell him the truth, or that will be grounds for immediate exit from the team.
N: I'm not doing either one.
Me: That's not a choice. You can pay and we can move on with our lives or you can quit.
N: You just want my money.
Me: No, the money you pay will go towards replenishing equipment you need or paying for baseball expenses.
N: Nobody else on my team would EVER have to do this. This is effing stupid.
Me: You don't get to use grown-up words, and I've already told you...I don't give two shits what other parents and kids do or don't do. I care about what you do and don't do, and what you're doing right now isn't working.
Later, he explained the second detention and although I still don't know if I'm on the same page as him and his dad, I agreed to lower the fee associated with the second one (since there are a lot of unknowns) to $25.
Before he went to bed on Tuesday, he paid me $75. He was pissed. He's still pissed. But I guarantee he'll think about what he does before he does it because the funds in his wallet are finite. On Wednesday night, he had his hitting lesson, and he and his coach had a talk about what happened. When he got back in the car, he turned to me and said, "YOU SET ME UP!"
You're damn right I did, Kid...you don't want to listen to me, but you'll listen to him.
It was an ugly and emotional week, but it's a win. I'll take it. And so will he because the weather is PERFECT and it's baseball tournament weekend!
Aubs
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