Well, friends...I owe you a bit of an apology. I checked out for a couple of weeks. It wasn't intentional, but there was a whole lot of work to be done, and not a whole lot of help getting it done. It seems that's the story of my life these days.
The week before Thanksgiving break, I had about eleventy-four papers due. They were all due at the same time, and lengthy, so it made me a bit psychotic. It also made parenting fun. Toward the end of the week, I said goodbye to my B because he was spending the holiday with his dad. It was kind of rough knowing the next time I saw him, he would be 10 instead of 9. His stepmom text me and let me know they were going to go to Chicago for the week, and he was so excited when they told him! He ended up getting sick right before they left, and then he had a rough patch while they were in Chicago, which prompted a pretty scary trip to the emergency room...but the good news is he's fine. We got to FaceTime on Thursday afternoon during the exact moment he was born. We sang to him, showed him all the fun things at my sister's house, and sang to him some more. He said he missed us several times this week, and it kind of made my heart explode because he's been firmly in the "I'd rather be at my dad's" camp for quite some time. He came home today, and the first thing he said when I talked to him was, "Mom, I really missed you and N." Who knows? Maybe with double digits comes wisdom that he just didn't have as a single digit. :)
At the end of the weekend before Thanksgiving, I said goodbye to N temporarily. He went to church with his dad and to spend a few days over there and I headed to Houston. While he was with his dad, he learned how to shoot a bow & arrow, spent some time with his older stepbrother who's headed off to college soon (they don't see each other much, and I know N really enjoyed the time they had together), went to see Mockingjay 2 with his stepbrother and stepmom, and watched a JFK documentary followed by a trip to the 6th Floor Museum, a place I've never been to, but always wanted to go. He met my mom at my house on Wednesday morning and they drove down to Houston together. He was really excited to spend time with my sister and brother-in-law. One of his biggest complaints is that he doesn't get to see them enough. Let me just tell you...they were about the only people he saw during the time he was there. They taught him to play darts and smoke a ham in the smoker. They downloaded a new demo for an Xbox One game he wanted to play and discussed all sorts of things. The kid is a dart prodigy or something...he beat them more times than they beat him! It was hard hearing about most of it secondhand, but I'm so glad he had the time with them. He really needed it.
As for me, my Thanksgiving break did not go at all how I anticipated it going. It started off well enough. I arrived at my dad's mid-afternoon on Sunday, and after a little downtime, I headed to my sister's (by way of Target to buy yet another blowdryer) to go see Mockingjay 2 with a group of friends. On Monday, I took advantage of a free day and got a much needed mani-pedi at a place my sister recommended. Oh my gosh, y'all...best pedicure I've had in a while! A week later, there aren't any rough patches, and I've been hard on my feet this week.
After that, I went back to my dad's and waited for him to get home from work. When he got home, he was just ZAPPED. I asked if he wanted to go to the store that night or do it another day. He agreed that sooner was better than later...so off we went! While we were at the store, I noticed how tired he was. He seemed "off," and I finally handed over the shopping cart so he could have something to lean on since he was clearly exhausted. When we got home, I text my sister to give her a heads up and tell her I was worried. He went to bed and took off for work the next morning. As I was working on an assignment, I got a phone call from my dad at 9:55. As soon as I saw his number, I knew something was wrong. "Aubs, I need you to come get me...and we need to go to the hospital." I threw some clothes on and took off. Luckily, my dad lives literally one stoplight from where he works, but it was the longest stoplight ever. I got there, found the people I needed, found my dad, then moved my car to pick him up, and off we went.
When we got to the hospital, he walked in on his own, but as he sat there, telling the nurse his symptoms, I knew in my gut I should've spoken up the night before. They took him to a room to do some tests, and I made sure my sister knew so she could head up there, too. They couldn't determine if it was another stroke without admitting him to do an MRI...so that's how my dad was admitted to the hospital approximately 10 hours prior to his birthday.
I need to take a moment to recognize the nurses (who will never read this, but still...) who found out it was my dad's birthday (granted, he informed one of them that he expected singing at midnight) and went above and beyond to make him feel special. He didn't want either of us to stay with him at the hospital, but he text us and told us that, at midnight, SEVEN nurses on the floor came to his room and entered, singing to him. They brought signs they had made and a little cake and made him feel so special. It was a small gesture, but the impact it had was huge. I am so grateful for such compassionate people...they took time out of their busy evenings to put a smile on a patient's face. My sister and I agreed that we needed to do something special, so we wrote thank you notes to accompany Starbucks gift cards, and she will deliver them this week.
Finally, mid-afternoon on his birthday, my dad was released to go home. This was huge for him because he has prepared the turkey for our family Thanksgiving every year for the past 36 years. It's tradition. I had planned to go to my sister's to spend the remainder of the week with my kid, but knew I couldn't do that...not that night. And I cannot even begin to describe how glad I am that I listened to my gut. Thursday morning came and my dad was off his game. No wonder...a mild stroke will do that to you. This stroke was milder than the one in May, but it seems to have made more of an impact. He was experiencing some diminished capacity on his left side on Thursday morning...enough to where I stepped in and took over the turkey making...which was kind of terrifying, if I'm being totally honest. I had him sit and rest, and I took over everything, INCLUDING driving his truck all week. I don't like that he's sick, but I did love driving that truck.
We headed over to my sister's for dinner, and it was clear that he was just not himself. It was a relaxed and low-key day, but it was still exhausting. He managed to sleep late the next morning, and I was so glad! I left for a couple of hours to go spend some time with my sister's household, but I knew I'd be back to sleep there on Friday night. My dad is amazing and strong, and it was hard to see him vulnerable...just like it was hard last time, too.
If you know me at all, you know my dad is my person. He and I are so much alike (in all ways, good and bad), and to see him broken without a way to "fix" him really weighs on my heart. This spring was the first time I truly realized that my dad was not invincible. And now, as a 62 year old man, I know that we will have to adapt to a new normal; a new normal that is different than the new normal we started adjusting to after his stroke in May. The stroke in May was a huge wake-up call, and he made so many positive changes. He changed his diet, started exercising, and stuck with it. He lost roughly 40 pounds, and has kept the diet going. He didn't fail himself this time...the doctors made that abundantly clear. His meds failed to do their job. One doctor did say he wanted my dad to stop with the personal trainer and start with more low impact activity...like yoga, something my dad said he would be happy to try.
It was so hard to leave him this weekend to return home. It's hard to not be close enough to be there within an hour if something happens. Living 4 hours away is really hard, and I'd like to say I've ugly-cried it all out of my system, but I'm pretty sure I'm just one small, tiny "something" away from a meltdown of epic proportions. Because he's my dad...and I'd be lost without him.
Aubs
Sunday, November 29, 2015
Friday, November 13, 2015
What. A. Week.
Since it's been a week since my last post, let me just say...the parenting of a teenager game has NOT gotten any easier.
Since it's been a week since my last post, let me just say...he.broke.a.sink.
Since it's been a week since my last post, let me just say...he's been grounded from EVERYTHING until he received punishment from school for breaking the sink.
Since it's been a week since my last post, let me just say...he's done a ridiculous amount of homework this week.
Since it's been a week since my last post, let me just say...it's all been self-inflicted. That's what happens when you just stop doing your homework and your mom goes ballistic and says you won't have a life until you're not only passing but also have NO incomplete assignments.
Since it's been a week since my last post, let me just say...he has worked his butt off, and I am insanely proud of him. He is exhausted. He is frustrated. He is irritated. But he is also proud of himself.
Since it's been a week since my last post, let me just say...he swears it's never going to happen again.
I hope he's right.
It seems that all of the behavioral issues and bad choices come when his normal teachers are out of the classroom. In one of his classes, they are learning about how things work. He's been taking old electronics apart to see how they work, then putting them back together. Apparently, he was having a hard time removing the casing from an old stereo, so he decided to use a hammer as a crowbar. When that didn't work, he decided the hammer "sucked" and to prove his point that the hammer didn't work, he hit a lab sink with it. I bet you can't guess what happened!
Since it wasn't malicious, he did not get suspended or detention, but he will be helping out around the school next week as punishment. I think the most frustrating part about it is that he claimed he didn't know how it happened, even though he clearly did. His dad and I both explained to him that he needs to be forthcoming. You make a mistake? Own it. "I messed up. I know I did. I'm sorry." Easy peasy...aaaaaand we're done. When you say you don't know what happened, when it's clear you do, you just make yourself look bad. Oh, the life lessons learned when you're a teenager. Such fun.
This weekend, both of the boys have games: the last of the season for B (a play until you lose flag football tournament), and the last tournament of the fall for N (a Grapevine tournament...played in Allen, which is NOT close at all) unless the weather stays pleasant and we pick up another toy drive tournament. Since two of our last three tournaments have been canceled, it would be nice to have them play at least one more, weather permitting of course.
This afternoon, I subbed for N's Language Arts teacher. When I told him I was doing this, the look of panic on his face was priceless. Of course, I didn't mention I was only subbing in the afternoon (he has her class in the morning), so that added to the fun. When I reassured him I wouldn't be in his class THIS time (but I could be in one of his classes in the future), he visibly relaxed...then asked if I'd bring him lunch. Since he worked so hard and with minimal complaints, I agreed, even though I'd be there a solid hour before he goes to lunch. Cold & soggy Chick Fil-A, anyone?
Aubs
Since it's been a week since my last post, let me just say...he.broke.a.sink.
Since it's been a week since my last post, let me just say...he's been grounded from EVERYTHING until he received punishment from school for breaking the sink.
Since it's been a week since my last post, let me just say...he's done a ridiculous amount of homework this week.
Since it's been a week since my last post, let me just say...it's all been self-inflicted. That's what happens when you just stop doing your homework and your mom goes ballistic and says you won't have a life until you're not only passing but also have NO incomplete assignments.
Since it's been a week since my last post, let me just say...he has worked his butt off, and I am insanely proud of him. He is exhausted. He is frustrated. He is irritated. But he is also proud of himself.
Since it's been a week since my last post, let me just say...he swears it's never going to happen again.
I hope he's right.
It seems that all of the behavioral issues and bad choices come when his normal teachers are out of the classroom. In one of his classes, they are learning about how things work. He's been taking old electronics apart to see how they work, then putting them back together. Apparently, he was having a hard time removing the casing from an old stereo, so he decided to use a hammer as a crowbar. When that didn't work, he decided the hammer "sucked" and to prove his point that the hammer didn't work, he hit a lab sink with it. I bet you can't guess what happened!
Since it wasn't malicious, he did not get suspended or detention, but he will be helping out around the school next week as punishment. I think the most frustrating part about it is that he claimed he didn't know how it happened, even though he clearly did. His dad and I both explained to him that he needs to be forthcoming. You make a mistake? Own it. "I messed up. I know I did. I'm sorry." Easy peasy...aaaaaand we're done. When you say you don't know what happened, when it's clear you do, you just make yourself look bad. Oh, the life lessons learned when you're a teenager. Such fun.
This weekend, both of the boys have games: the last of the season for B (a play until you lose flag football tournament), and the last tournament of the fall for N (a Grapevine tournament...played in Allen, which is NOT close at all) unless the weather stays pleasant and we pick up another toy drive tournament. Since two of our last three tournaments have been canceled, it would be nice to have them play at least one more, weather permitting of course.
This afternoon, I subbed for N's Language Arts teacher. When I told him I was doing this, the look of panic on his face was priceless. Of course, I didn't mention I was only subbing in the afternoon (he has her class in the morning), so that added to the fun. When I reassured him I wouldn't be in his class THIS time (but I could be in one of his classes in the future), he visibly relaxed...then asked if I'd bring him lunch. Since he worked so hard and with minimal complaints, I agreed, even though I'd be there a solid hour before he goes to lunch. Cold & soggy Chick Fil-A, anyone?
Aubs
Friday, November 6, 2015
Sometimes you've gotta hit 'em where it hurts
I am the mom of a teenager. This is new, uncharted territory for me. Not only is he my biggest little (who's coincidentally BIGGER than me), but he's a boy. Whoa! Breaking news.
I'm a girl. (Thanks, Captain Obvious) I was around a couple of male cousins growing up, but we only saw each other primarily during the summers and they were never that weird or obnoxious. I have no idea how they behaved during the school year, but I remember being 13. God bless my parents.
Anyway, this whole teenage boy thing is a totally different ballgame. He's pushing limits and testing boundaries (they both are), and I finally upped my game. You may agree with me or you may vehemently disagree with me...I don't care. Every parent does what they can to stay afloat, and this was my way to hit 'em where it hurts AND show I mean business.
The claim both of my boys make is that there's nothing to do at my house. Never mind that each of them have a laptop and their own tablets (in addition to a school-issued iPad), there's a 360, a SNES, a Gamecube, a closet full of board games, shelf after shelf of movies, and a 4 drawer bin of legos. Clearly, there's nothing to do. Also, you now know what to take if you ever break into my house.
Please don't break into my house.
Anyway, when behavior takes a turn, I typically remove Xbox privileges on the weekend. They never get to play during the week (we're too busy and I say no), so the weekends are kind of sacred to them. Even then, I limit their time to ridiculous amounts like hour long increments so one isn't stuck watching the other kill zombies (or something) for extended periods of time. So, on Monday, when both of the boys were being crank pots, I removed the privilege of electronics from their weekly list of activities. No laptops (unless school-related homework was necessary). No tablets. No playlists of phones or iPods. No gaming systems. NOTHING. The only thing they COULD do was watch television...and that was only if we were doing so as a family and we all agreed on a movie. Basically, I ended their lives by 4:47 on Monday afternoon.
But, wait! There's more! Last week, I received a notification that N would be serving a detention on Tuesday for not staying focused in class/being disrespectful and rude. He swore it wasn't him (shocker) and that the whole class was laughing at one kid who made a funny noise and HE was the one who got in trouble. Oh, the horror! Life is so unfair! We talked about it, and he accepted his punishment, and we went on with our lives. Until Tuesday afternoon...when I received an email from a SECOND teacher about behavior and leaving class early, which warranted a SECOND detention. IN ONE WEEK! So, that's about when this Mama lost it.
The first thing that came to mind was "He'll have to sit out at his baseball tournament this weekend." Why not kick him from the team? Well, he worked hard for this, and I don't want to take away the only thing that keeps us all sane because his focus is on baseball and not being moody and dumb. I approached his coach with this suggestion and he shut it down. If I sit him, he's going to be off the team because reliability and cohesiveness...both of which I totally understand, but at the same time, I don't want to let him just get away with being a bad example.
SO.
I don't know how it came about, but I decided I was going to treat him like a professional athlete and fine him for his offensive behavior. Each offense had a particular fine attached to it. I decided it would be only school-related offenses because offenses at home can be remedied with chores or removal of privileges. I called his dad and ran it by him. He agreed, but had one suggestion: Put the money I collect into a fund to help pay for things he needs for baseball. Good call...not that I was planning to pocket it, but that makes sense.
Now. Before you go all "WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU THINKING? HE'S JUST A KID!" on me:
1. He has money. He's been saving money (for an Xbox ONE or a PS4) from working with his dad.
2. In the last 11 weeks, I've gotten more emails about grades/attitude than in the past 8 years combined.
3. I knew this would be over-the-top enough to make an impact.
4. There are two things he cares about in life: Video games and baseball. One was already taken away.
So, when he got home, I put my plan into action. Oh, but before that happened, I got ANOTHER email from ANOTHER teacher about how he hadn't turned any of his work in through the online forum, which is new, so he had a whole bunch of goose eggs until he got them submitted. Super.
Okay, so THEN he came home. I asked him what happened at school, and he couldn't recall anything interesting or important. I told him he had another detention and explained if was because he chose to leave class early, along with two other students. I was calm and quiet, and it freaked him out. He immediately said he didn't do it...and then I laid it on him.
Me: N, this is how this is going to go. You have two choices: You can pay a fine and we will consider the matter dropped unless you accrue more detentions, OR you can not pay the fine and resign from the baseball team.
N: Mom, that's not fair! What's the fine?
Me: $100.
N: You're INSANE!
Me: No, I'm not. You've received TWO detentions in less than a week, both for disrespectful and disobedient actions, and I'm done.
N: I can see like $10, but $100 is stupid.
Me: Your dad and I discussed it, and we agreed.
N: There's no WAY my dad agreed to that. He's reasonable.
Me: Well, you can pay it...or you can quit. You have until your hitting lesson on Thursday to decide. Also, you're grounded from practice tonight, so when you go to your hitting lesson, you will also have to explain to your coach why you weren't there tonight...and you WILL tell him the truth, or that will be grounds for immediate exit from the team.
N: I'm not doing either one.
Me: That's not a choice. You can pay and we can move on with our lives or you can quit.
N: You just want my money.
Me: No, the money you pay will go towards replenishing equipment you need or paying for baseball expenses.
N: Nobody else on my team would EVER have to do this. This is effing stupid.
Me: You don't get to use grown-up words, and I've already told you...I don't give two shits what other parents and kids do or don't do. I care about what you do and don't do, and what you're doing right now isn't working.
Later, he explained the second detention and although I still don't know if I'm on the same page as him and his dad, I agreed to lower the fee associated with the second one (since there are a lot of unknowns) to $25.
Before he went to bed on Tuesday, he paid me $75. He was pissed. He's still pissed. But I guarantee he'll think about what he does before he does it because the funds in his wallet are finite. On Wednesday night, he had his hitting lesson, and he and his coach had a talk about what happened. When he got back in the car, he turned to me and said, "YOU SET ME UP!"
You're damn right I did, Kid...you don't want to listen to me, but you'll listen to him.
It was an ugly and emotional week, but it's a win. I'll take it. And so will he because the weather is PERFECT and it's baseball tournament weekend!
Aubs
I'm a girl. (Thanks, Captain Obvious) I was around a couple of male cousins growing up, but we only saw each other primarily during the summers and they were never that weird or obnoxious. I have no idea how they behaved during the school year, but I remember being 13. God bless my parents.
Anyway, this whole teenage boy thing is a totally different ballgame. He's pushing limits and testing boundaries (they both are), and I finally upped my game. You may agree with me or you may vehemently disagree with me...I don't care. Every parent does what they can to stay afloat, and this was my way to hit 'em where it hurts AND show I mean business.
The claim both of my boys make is that there's nothing to do at my house. Never mind that each of them have a laptop and their own tablets (in addition to a school-issued iPad), there's a 360, a SNES, a Gamecube, a closet full of board games, shelf after shelf of movies, and a 4 drawer bin of legos. Clearly, there's nothing to do. Also, you now know what to take if you ever break into my house.
Please don't break into my house.
Anyway, when behavior takes a turn, I typically remove Xbox privileges on the weekend. They never get to play during the week (we're too busy and I say no), so the weekends are kind of sacred to them. Even then, I limit their time to ridiculous amounts like hour long increments so one isn't stuck watching the other kill zombies (or something) for extended periods of time. So, on Monday, when both of the boys were being crank pots, I removed the privilege of electronics from their weekly list of activities. No laptops (unless school-related homework was necessary). No tablets. No playlists of phones or iPods. No gaming systems. NOTHING. The only thing they COULD do was watch television...and that was only if we were doing so as a family and we all agreed on a movie. Basically, I ended their lives by 4:47 on Monday afternoon.
But, wait! There's more! Last week, I received a notification that N would be serving a detention on Tuesday for not staying focused in class/being disrespectful and rude. He swore it wasn't him (shocker) and that the whole class was laughing at one kid who made a funny noise and HE was the one who got in trouble. Oh, the horror! Life is so unfair! We talked about it, and he accepted his punishment, and we went on with our lives. Until Tuesday afternoon...when I received an email from a SECOND teacher about behavior and leaving class early, which warranted a SECOND detention. IN ONE WEEK! So, that's about when this Mama lost it.
The first thing that came to mind was "He'll have to sit out at his baseball tournament this weekend." Why not kick him from the team? Well, he worked hard for this, and I don't want to take away the only thing that keeps us all sane because his focus is on baseball and not being moody and dumb. I approached his coach with this suggestion and he shut it down. If I sit him, he's going to be off the team because reliability and cohesiveness...both of which I totally understand, but at the same time, I don't want to let him just get away with being a bad example.
SO.
I don't know how it came about, but I decided I was going to treat him like a professional athlete and fine him for his offensive behavior. Each offense had a particular fine attached to it. I decided it would be only school-related offenses because offenses at home can be remedied with chores or removal of privileges. I called his dad and ran it by him. He agreed, but had one suggestion: Put the money I collect into a fund to help pay for things he needs for baseball. Good call...not that I was planning to pocket it, but that makes sense.
Now. Before you go all "WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU THINKING? HE'S JUST A KID!" on me:
1. He has money. He's been saving money (for an Xbox ONE or a PS4) from working with his dad.
2. In the last 11 weeks, I've gotten more emails about grades/attitude than in the past 8 years combined.
3. I knew this would be over-the-top enough to make an impact.
4. There are two things he cares about in life: Video games and baseball. One was already taken away.
So, when he got home, I put my plan into action. Oh, but before that happened, I got ANOTHER email from ANOTHER teacher about how he hadn't turned any of his work in through the online forum, which is new, so he had a whole bunch of goose eggs until he got them submitted. Super.
Okay, so THEN he came home. I asked him what happened at school, and he couldn't recall anything interesting or important. I told him he had another detention and explained if was because he chose to leave class early, along with two other students. I was calm and quiet, and it freaked him out. He immediately said he didn't do it...and then I laid it on him.
Me: N, this is how this is going to go. You have two choices: You can pay a fine and we will consider the matter dropped unless you accrue more detentions, OR you can not pay the fine and resign from the baseball team.
N: Mom, that's not fair! What's the fine?
Me: $100.
N: You're INSANE!
Me: No, I'm not. You've received TWO detentions in less than a week, both for disrespectful and disobedient actions, and I'm done.
N: I can see like $10, but $100 is stupid.
Me: Your dad and I discussed it, and we agreed.
N: There's no WAY my dad agreed to that. He's reasonable.
Me: Well, you can pay it...or you can quit. You have until your hitting lesson on Thursday to decide. Also, you're grounded from practice tonight, so when you go to your hitting lesson, you will also have to explain to your coach why you weren't there tonight...and you WILL tell him the truth, or that will be grounds for immediate exit from the team.
N: I'm not doing either one.
Me: That's not a choice. You can pay and we can move on with our lives or you can quit.
N: You just want my money.
Me: No, the money you pay will go towards replenishing equipment you need or paying for baseball expenses.
N: Nobody else on my team would EVER have to do this. This is effing stupid.
Me: You don't get to use grown-up words, and I've already told you...I don't give two shits what other parents and kids do or don't do. I care about what you do and don't do, and what you're doing right now isn't working.
Later, he explained the second detention and although I still don't know if I'm on the same page as him and his dad, I agreed to lower the fee associated with the second one (since there are a lot of unknowns) to $25.
Before he went to bed on Tuesday, he paid me $75. He was pissed. He's still pissed. But I guarantee he'll think about what he does before he does it because the funds in his wallet are finite. On Wednesday night, he had his hitting lesson, and he and his coach had a talk about what happened. When he got back in the car, he turned to me and said, "YOU SET ME UP!"
You're damn right I did, Kid...you don't want to listen to me, but you'll listen to him.
It was an ugly and emotional week, but it's a win. I'll take it. And so will he because the weather is PERFECT and it's baseball tournament weekend!
Aubs
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