Sometimes a topic will come to me in the middle of doing totally non-related, and other times I sit here, staring at the blinking cursor thingy, waiting for...anything...to come into my head. Clarification: I wait for something...anything (that I can write about) to come into my head. I try to keep all of my "crazy" in my head, and only let out bits and pieces when they have something to do with a bigger picture kind of topic.
Today, B came home for the first time in a week, and first days are always rough. They start off well enough with the picking up from school, snack, and homework, but then they take a turn right around bedtime when he wants to call his dad and stepmom. I have no problem with him calling them to say goodnight, but I do have a problem with wanting to repeat call/text when they don't answer. He's almost 10, but trying to convince him that it's not my fault they don't answer is like trying to convince a rock wall to grow.
It doesn't work very well.
When both boys are home, my stress level is on high alert. The dynamic between the two boys is rough, to put it nicely, and it just goes downhill from there. A counselor at B's old school once told me that kids test their limits when they feel safe and comfortable, and I'd like to think that's true...but I think he mostly just hates being here. It's unfortunate, because he is such a great kid and he has an amazing heart. I just wish I knew why we always have such a difficult time together. He thinks I play favorites, and I really try not to...but it's easy to see why he thinks his brother is the favorite.
N is here all the time. We have a routine that doesn't change just because B is home. Our routine as a whole changes because we have another set of activities to figure into the equation, but N's routine is pretty set. B is the wild card (something I love, but that also drives me crazy sometimes), and how smoothly our days run depend on his attitude, mood, and health levels.
This week is off to a decent start: clean sheets, empty laundry baskets, a jumpstart on homework, and an optimistic outlook for the remainder of the week. I have "For Love of the Game" on my dvd player ("Jane, I want you to know that I was so happy to see you my heart leapt." Siiiiigh), and the only other thing that would make tonight perfect would be...
Nevermind. Not. Going. There.
Once again, we have something every single night this week. I'm not complaining, I swear...the busier we are, the better it is for us. But, ya'll? I miss my friends. I miss the sweet family that had to leave us to go to South Dakota so badly sometimes that it hurts. I'm not the only one. N mentions T on a weekly basis, and other baseball moms and I talk about them whenever we congregate.
There are few times in life where you meet people who are so amazing, who fit so perfectly into the little cracks you have in your own lives, but these guys? They were those people.
It actually has me thinking about others who have been instrumental in my life: The ones who were supportive, the ones who loved me, the one(s) who got away, the one(s) who stuck around...and despite the bad eggs in my life, I know I am blessed. I wish things would've gone differently sometimes, but I am overwhelmingly blessed...even if I am going through life alllllll byyyyy myselllllllffff.
Aubs
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