I don't know what it is about me that says "Hey, let's try cheesy lines on her because maybe she'll be the ONE person to fall for it...ever...in the history of the universe."
I think I blogged about it when it happened, but I can't find the post to link it, so a few weeks ago, my watch battery needed to be replaced, so I went to the same place I always go to in the mall near my apartment. It turns out that the guy who works there is someone I used to hang out with sometimes with N's dad, and as we caught up, he expressed how happy he was that it had worked out for us. When I kindly corrected him, he looked at me, wiggled his eyebrows, and said, "So...are you single and ready to mingle?"
I looked horrified and I know I did because I saw my reflection. And then I laughed because I can't believe that anyone would actually USE that line and think there was a chance it would work. Since then, I've come across a few totally bizarre conversation starters.
At Market Street (grocery store) in the produce section (how much more stereotypical can you get?):
"So...do you come here often?"
Um, yes. Yes, I do. I have two growing boys and they are eating whenever their eyes are open, and sometimes when they're closed, so I do tend to come to the grocery store to get groceries on a fairly regular basis.
"I bet you can't tell I've never been out with a single mom before, right? It's cool though...I think I'd like your kids."
Um, yes. Yes, I can tell you've never been out with a single mom before...mostly because you announced it and also because you came across as super creepy. You think you'd like my kids? For what? A snack? Sheesh. Stay away, far far away. Also, you wear loafers without socks with jeans and you're 20. Bye.
"I'm from Jamaica...I can get you a good deal on rum."
So many things...first things first: If you were smart you'd GIVE me the rum. Second: You're 19. Third: I think that's what you said, but I can't tell because you speak softly and I think you have an accent. Last: I can't even think of what it was anymore because the beads in your hair are clicking together and it's really distracting. It's almost like music...I should dance...oh, wait...no rum. Nevermind.
"So, what do you think about friends with benefits?"
It's the only movie with Justin Timberlake I'd ever watch more than once. You DID mean the movie, right?
"Don't worry...you'll find someone eventually."
Hey, thanks for the vote of confidence...I don't remember saying I was looking for someone or interested in finding someone, but thanks for giving me an ego boost (not that I needed it).
"You've been single for a while...what's wrong with you?"
I'm damaged. Obviously. Super super damaged. SOOOOOO damaged. You're becoming damaged by talking to me. It's like a virus. Hand sanitizer?
"Maybe you're too picky."
Yes. Let me lower my standards right this second and watch all of the men who wouldn't typically make "the cut" flock to me in droves. I'll have my pick of them all...how lucky am I?! I will never lack happiness or fulfillment for the rest of my life if I settle...said no sane person EVER.
I don't know why people seem to think you're broken if you're not a part of a couple. I'm not broken. I'm the whole-est I've ever been. Would I maybe like to share my life with someone someday? Maybe, but it's not the be all end all for me. It's really hard for me to imagine myself married or even part of a serious relationship.
Some days, I REALLY wish I had somebody to come home to...and other days, I wish I lived on a deserted island. And I wouldn't even want a volleyball for company. I'd settle for an unlimited supply of books. Ooooh, and potato chips. Mmmm, carbs!
The hardest part, especially as a mom, is when the boys express their joint desire to have a male influence around here. It's hard being a single mom to boys, and I know it's equally hard for them to only have a mom when they're here. N has been adamantly opposed to me dating, full stop. B has been asking for a stepdad since the dawn of time, or so it seems. In the last year or so, I've found N joining in B's plea, but it's still slightly different. He wants a man who wants to be around and hang out but has no desire to be in a relationship with me. He said if the guy HAS to be in a relationship with me, then it shouldn't be serious.
You know, because when you're almost 9 and 12 you fully grasp how the world (and relationships) work. After we discussed that, he said, "Fiiiiiiine, date if you have to...whatever it takes to have a guy to throw with and to take me to the cages." I fully understand that he doesn't want me to "infiltrate" that one area. I'm so into baseball and positions and all of that that the batting cages are his "safe zone." Perhaps I should set up an online application for "PRN Male Role Model."
I bet that wouldn't yield creepy results at all...insert eye roll here.
Aubs
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