I love a good rom-com as much as the next girl, but when you've been single for as long as I have, they seem to start losing their appeal. I mean, none of that stuff happens in real life, and if it does, then the other person is probably over-compensating for something.
Years and years ago, a friend of mine had found what seemed like the "ideal" partner. He watched all of the girly movies she wanted to watch, performed over-the-top romantic gestures, and totally put her on a pedestal. They married and began their happily ever after, only something was off. It started to go downhill, gradually then landslide-ish...and then she found out he was addicted to porn.
Yeah, porn. Sadly, she's not the only friend I've had who has lost a spouse/boyfriend/partner to an addiction they had no desire to control. And, yes...for the record, I totally see porn as an addiction. My own ex (one of them, anyway...maybe two) was addicted to it, too. He joked around about it all the time, but I started to see that, although he was joking, there were still tons of porn sites popping up in our browser history. He wasn't so good at hiding it...or anything for that matter, but that's an entirely different story.
I watch movies like "The Holiday" and a tiny part of me thinks, "Wouldn't that be great? Wouldn't it be so nice to fall in love in a Hollywood-esque fashion?" But the much bigger part of me knows that's not even remotely accurate. Love is messy and complicated and ugly at times. It's raw and real and sacrificial. It's selfish and selfless all the same time WHILE it's emotionally fulfilling and aggravating. Oh, and maybe a tad on the confusing side, just for funsies.
I make it sound like I've been in love multiple times in my life, but honestly? It's just been once. Once upon a time, I was in love. Oddly enough, this man was never anyone I had a relationship with (although I did consider it from time to time), and I am absolutely one who has chosen to settle. Twice. Three times if you want to be TOTALLY technical, but I choose not to be...it's not worth it.
I know life and love aren't like a Hollywood movie script, or overly sweet like one of those dang Hallmark movies that get me...every.single.time. I know they aren't, but sometimes I just wish they could be, just for a minute or two, but not during the beginning stages. Everybody puts their best [romantic] foot forward at the beginning. I'm talking about in the middle of it; smack dab in the middle of the "no make-up, same sweats for days, cold and flu season, can't move off the couch nor do I want to" stage. The "you've seen me at my worst...just kidding, here's some more so see if you can handle THIS" stage.
'Cause love during those stages? That's what really counts.
Aubs
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