Who brings a puppy to baseball practice?

A U7 baseball coach, that's who.  Who gets irritated when the kids on his team are paying more attention to the puppy than to his instruction?  Same guy.

Needless to say, several of the boys on B's team are total over baseball season.  They've been over it since that kid on a different team got hit in the face by a coach pitch.  B hasn't wanted to play since, and it's obvious in all that he does.  N went to practice tonight too, and helped...simply because he didn't have anything better to do.

And on the way home, after B's stepmom picked him up, N told me that he felt like he couldn't relate to his dad.  He said his dad is different: he doesn't talk like anyone else, act like anyone else, think like anyone else...and while N used to think that was awesome, now he feels like he has to act like a different person around him.  He just wants to be himself. 

Part of this is self-inflicted.  He's primarily been around grown-ups for his entire life, so he's considered himself an adult since he was roughly 6.  And he's not.  He's 10.  He's a little boy.

He goes on to tell me that he wishes he could just be himself like he is with his friends, with me, and with one of the coaches on his baseball team. 

He's been asking to do a lot of stuff with this coach, even to join his family so he can be on his baseball team in the fall as a coach's kid.  And it breaks my heart that he wants this so desperately, and I can't "be" that for him.  Thankfully, his coach is an extremely kind and decent man...and he's been happy to help with N in any way that he can.  I am so grateful that he not only understands the situation, but is willing to help because he genuinely cares about my kid.

They just don't "make" people like that anymore.

Also, N claims that anyone who's in his family gets an iPad, so that's also part of the appeal.

Kids and electronics.  Imagine that.

This whole thing has just been weighing really heavily on my heart for a while.  I know the boys would benefit from having a strong male role model around on a regular basis.  I know I'm not enough as both a father and a mother, and I don't claim to be enough.  But it's not enough to just find someone to fill that void.

It's not worth it.  You know?

It's a big decision.

Aubs