We all see them. They pop up on social media or in newspapers, magazines, tv newscasts, and about a million other things. Sometimes they just float by, seemingly unnoticed, but every once in a while one of them will stick with you and become your truth. There's not really a rhyme or a reason as to why it does. Maybe it's something you've been dancing around but can't actually verbalize it in your own words. Maybe it's a harsh reality that you've been blatantly ignoring because you want, so desperately, for it to be different. Maybe you don't dare to hope that something that amazing could ever be real for you because it's never happened before so why start now?
I feel you, friends. I've felt every single one of those things and about a million more. And, without really realizing what it is I'm doing, apparently I'm navigating my way back into the dating game. If I'm being real, the thought of it kind of makes me want to vomit. It'll be fine, probably, but it's a nerve-wracking idea that I'm thinking about maybe wrapping my brain around in the near future. You know...or not. I feel like I've said this before and then I got busy doing everything else I could possibly think of so that I was too busy to date. It's a genius, albeit sometimes lonely, plan. I bet you knew there was a quote for that..."I've been single for so long that I'm sending myself mixed messages like I want to date but I really don't want to date." Yep. The end.
Anyway, as I was looking at some ideas on teaching Greek Mythology I came across a quote from The Symposium by Plato: "According to Greek Mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate beings, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves." I know I've read that quote before so I don't know why it "hit" differently this time but it totally did...and it's like it made total sense. My sister has always said her husband is like a male version of her and it's true. They are like two halves of a whole, the male and female version of the same individual. Freaky, right? Let's pause to think about how there might be a male version of me walking around out there somewhere. I hope he's a little less "AHHHH!" than I am; perhaps he's the subdued and super intelligent version. I'd be super cool with that.
Most of the other quotes that I find interesting or profound often don't come with proper citations. In fact, most of them come from Word Porn and I have to remember to crop out the name if I ever send it to anyone because I am a lady and ladies don't send "Word Porn." Or maybe they do and I've had it all wrong for the vast majority of my adult life. This would explain so much.
Another one, author unknown, that is my freakin' anthem is "One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through and it will be someone else's survival guide." Here's the deal. If you know me, like REALLY know me, you might know bits and pieces of the hell that was once my life. Or you might not. I am stingy with these truths because of the collateral damage. My boys have been hurt enough in their lifetimes and I have put the past behind me and moved forward, stronger and more resilient. Are there days where I doubt my worth and value? Fuck, yes. Would I have those even without the life I've lived? Probably. As human beings we naturally doubt ourselves. We are all flawed and that's okay. Some people love this shit out of those flaws and it's beautiful and messy and utterly brilliant. Others take those flaws and manipulate them (and you) and turn it into something toxic, hurtful, and cruel. Does that mean we should live the rest of our lives hidden away?
For a LONG time I thought that was the only way but I'm here to tell you...it's one boring ass life. I filled my days with activities and volunteering and all.the.practices and sports and anything organizational. It helped but only minimally. The ugly still loomed overhead constantly until I realized I was the one giving it all the power.
I was thinking about Robin Williams the other day and how his death was such a big deal because it shone a light on just how little we know about the internal battles others are fighting. In fact, he said, "I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make other people happy, because they know what it's like to feel absolutely worthless and they don't want anyone else to feel like that." I wouldn't say I'm the saddest person in the world but, man, I do know how much it sucks to hurt and feel worthless and I would rather walk through fire than let anyone I care about, hell, anyone I know feel like they were nothing. I think about things like this all the time. I think about the kids I teach who go out of their way to make sure everyone feels love or has a friend and I wonder how their lives are. Are they doing these things because they've felt that level of sadness and, if so, who has hurt them so deeply so early on in their lives? It breaks my heart over and over again. I honestly just want them to be happy. I want them to feel happiness and love.
And anytime I think of that I immediately think of Harry Potter. I already told you I was a nerd but that Albus Dumbledore is no dummy. He's the one who said (I think it's in the Prisoner of Azkaban), "Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light." Now I want to have a Harry Potter marathon instead of my typical "Watch Pride & Prejudice...the dance scene where Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth are so focused on each other that everyone else disappears, sigh wistfully, and go to sleep" routine.
I'll leave you with one more, a quote from Dr. Seuss that totally blew my mind because I had never seen it before and it's so damn true. "We're all a little weird and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." I'm going to put that one on a canvas and hang it in my room as a reminder that weird is freakin' awesome.
And we all know I've got more than enough weird to go around.
Aubs
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